Bottle feeding and guilt

barbiedoll

I've found that there are a few snippets of information that never seem to make their way to new mums, which may explain some of the problems that many women experience.................

1) Babies are programmed to feed much more frequently at night. Apparently, breast milk production is higher during the hours of darkness, this is why babies are wide awake and ravenous during the wee small hours. This applies to almost all babies, no matter how they are fed. It doesn't mean that your baby is "naughty" or "awkward" or that you're doing anything wrong. It's just Nature!

2) Almost all breastfeeding problems are "mechanical" as opposed to mum or baby doing anything "wrong". Tongue-tie is probably the most common reason for poor latch and for the pain and damage to nipples. It can be very hard to diagnose and it should be treated on the NHS but as many have found, it's often easier to go private and pay to get it done. Things such as "small baby/large nipples" are also common and despite the official line of frowning upon nipple shields etc, these can be used to great effect.

3) Sometimes, there is no discernable cause for the problems, but of course, no-one blames the baby, it's always mum's fault. :mad: Women who have had major abdominal surgery (i.e. a C-section) or who have suffered a large tear or episiotomy, will be in pain and will be very uncomfortable when trying to feed. We subject women to invasive surgical procedures, we then send them home after two days and expect them to then look after and feed a newborn. No wonder there are often problems.

3) The point a poster made about silent reflux is a good one, when you know that there is something wrong with your baby but everyone is telling otherwise, is there any wonder that women have a crisis of confidence? I always tell new mums to trust their instincts, no-one knows your baby better than you do, if you think that there is a problem, don't be fobbed off.

4) Just remember that despite all of our efforts to give our kids the best start in life, as soon as they are able, they will be straight down to the sweet shop/ice-cream van/McDonalds to undo all of our good work. So don't beat yourself up over feeding a new baby, do what works for you both.

jetplane

OP, whether breast is best, better or desirable, whether it is medically proven, educationally endorsed or the ultimate sacrifice, breast feeding is a doctrine advocated by the government and delivered by an army of paid workers and volunteers. Health Visitors, midwives, coordinators etal are not allowed to promote bottle feeding. The government have breast feeding targets, even ofstead monitor these. Some of these professionals didn't even breast feed but have now seen the light. The fact that in some instances their wage depends on increasing targets does make you wonder.

Do not feel guilty. In our area they have breastfeeding groups, breastfeeding classes, breastfeeding lessons and support but if a mother wants to have advice on bottle feeding then they have to do this on a one to one basis akin to some undesirable habit. No wonder mothers feel guilty, they are audibly and publicly praised and congratulated for perseverance and achievement of breast feeding, there are even breastfeeding champions.

Mothers should have choice, they should have support whatever that choice. At this rate mothers who wish to bottle feed will be banished to room 101.

Mojisola

jetplane wrote: »

Mothers should have choice, they should have support whatever that choice.

This has got to be the start and finish of it.

Why a mother makes the decision to bottle-feed is her affair. There is enough information around to show that "Breast is Better" - good suggestion, Flugelhorn - but if a mother chooses not to, she should be supported in her decision.

I wouldn't have struggled for 4 to 6 weeks feeling awful and having a baby who wasn't thriving. Those early weeks should be as lovely as possible - calm and nuturing for Mum and baby.

If you consider the negative effects that weeks of stress would have on a baby, having feeds from a bottle has got to be better.

grandma247

I breastfed all six of my children varying from 7 months to 31/2 years old. It is a very personal choice and no one should tell you what you should do.

Having loving support can help you when you are just learning and the process has to be learned by both you and your baby. Stress and worry will prevent you from letting down the bulk of your milk so If you do decide to carry on try and make it as relaxing as you can. Switch the world off . I promise that it does get easier as time goes by and six weeks seems to be a major landmark. Then you get another hard time around three months but that is just the baby growing and needing more.

One thing I did learn is that you need far more calories than you realise to be successful and stay healthy. With my first I dropped two stone to just over 7 .5 stone which for a 5'6" woman is way too low.

I could not eat breakfast so I had complan made with milk later in the morning. I also had a snack of oatmeal mid afternoon and that seemed to help with the six o'clock dip.

What really matters is not whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed but having close contact with your baby and that he has your undivided attention. A lot of babies get ratty if you try to do something else while feeding either way.

Mojisola

Can I ask what kind of food those of you who have trouble breast-feeding are eating? Your body is trying to make very rich, high calorie milk and I wonder whether diet changes could help. Do the mid-wives every suggest trying different foods?

Do any of you leak milk between feeds? Are you producing plenty of milk but baby isn't suckling right or is the milk in short supply?

Seanymph

I also think Mojisola that dehydration makes it more difficult - I know I wasn't drinking anywhere near enough.

katepnlo

Havn't read all the replies. I just wanted to say the guilt is horrible
The first weeks are a bloody nightmare (well they were with me) I have 4 children and although I am thinking breast is best...and I did battle my backside off to breast feed two of them. I will say now my children are older....My brightest healthiest child is the one who only breast fed for 10 days. Never ill and at a local Grammar school looking to get A's in her GCSES.
I do think it is best for their little bellies...BUT I do remember oh too well how hard I found it. I just don't seem to be very good at it.

I am not sure the point of my post, but just to say i feel your pain and guilt. My daughter is a very healthy brain box!

I am certain my daughter is fine. But in teh other breath I was sooooooooooooo pleased i stuck with breast feeding with the other two. With my daughter I didn't think I would get past the first month I struggled so much....I decided to wean her off in the end when she was just past her second birthday :P

I have seen both sides. Things can change after the first few weeks and every 4 hours for a bf baby is good He will become more efficient I promise.
BUT happy mum is a happy baby. their is much to weigh up.
Be gentle on yourself
x

VikkiiKawaii

I also haven't read all the posts but just wanted to say, don't worry about formula feeding v.s breast feeding. I started off breast feeding my LO but had to stop after a few weeks as I was getting so stressed out and upset at night when she just wouldn't latch on.
She's now fourteen weeks old, in 6-9 month clothes and thriving. If you're worried about the difference between breastmilk and formula, I was told by a health visitor Aptamil is the closest to breastmilk.

mildred1978

VikkiiKawaii wrote: »

I also haven't read all the posts but just wanted to say, don't worry about formula feeding v.s breast feeding. I started off breast feeding my LO but had to stop after a few weeks as I was getting so stressed out and upset at night when she just wouldn't latch on.
She's now fourteen weeks old, in 6-9 month clothes and thriving. If you're worried about the difference between breastmilk and formula, I was told by a health visitor Aptamil is the closest to breastmilk.

That really isn't a good thing!!

looby75

mildred1978 wrote: »

That really isn't a good thing!!

you can't say that for sure. My nephew was 13lbs when he was born and was in 6-9 month clothes when he was about 4 months old and he was breastfed (how my SIL kept up with him I'll never know)

Babies grow at different speeds.