Bottle feeding and guilt

SqueekyMouse

I totally agree with the previous comments. Its totally your decision and only you know what's best for you and your baby. You should not feel guilty about whatever you decide because you only have your baby's best interests at heart, so whatever you do is right.

Midwives and lactation consultants can be a bit militant about the whole breastfeeding thing, they have a party-line to tow I suppose.

My own experience of breastfeeding in the early days was pretty rough. I think it took about 6 weeks before I could feed my DD without the initial latching-on pain making my toes curl! I used to call her My Little Piranha! I took one day at a time and tried not to put pressure on myself.

All the very best
I do hope people continue to be supportive towards you in this thread. Mums should stick together, we have a hard enough job as it is without bashing each other because of the choices we make

ClareEmily

I found it SO hard in the beginning, my son took about an hour each time to feed and I had to lay down with him, it hurt, he cried when he fed from one side as the flow was too fast for him, I hated breast feeding in public etc etc.

But I stuck with it mainly because the thought of sterilising everything and making up bottles was worse than breastfeeding.

Glad I did, as I managed until 18 months and was quite sad to stop it.

Even if you stop now you have given your baby the all important colostrum.

vickynleon

do not feel hard on yourself at all, you will end up getting very depressed and could end up with post natal depression.

When my son was born i really struggled to breastfeed him i didnt even get past the first day, the midwifes tried and tried but it just wasnt working, i ended up sore, bleeding and scarred. i was getting myself really worked up and ended up very depressed and i havent been right since.

my son is now 4 and he's very healthy, rarely ill and he's very advanced for his age. i wish i hadn't been so hard on myself because he's turned out perfect.

i'm due my second son in 5 weeks and i will try to breastfeed but this time if i cant in the first few days then i will not think twice and bottle feed him with formula as at the end of the day what good will i be to my son if i am constantly crying, i will be a better mum bottle feeding him and having the time and happiness to bring him up in a happy environment.

Don't ever let any groups or other mums bring you down, everyone is different, some people can't breast feed no matter how hard they try, you baby has had the best part of your milk supply anyway. good luck and also congrats on ur baby

glitterycloud

Congratulations on the birth of your son. You need to relax about the whole breast/bottle situation. There is no right or wrong answer you have to go with what works for you and your baby.
The more anxious and stressed you are feeling the harder it will be to enjoy breast feeding or to even continue with it.
If you feel you have had enough of it pop your little one on to formula, it won't make you a bad mother!

Try and enjoy these first few days with you son and it doesn't matter whether you breast or bottle feed him.

sinister1

I know exactly how you feel. When I was trying to feed DD1 it just wasn't working and I felt so guilty for dreading her waking up.

When visiting the doctor for a particularly nasty case of mastitis the doctor summed it up perfectly... breastfeeding is better but it is not that much better.

I know how harsh the midwives can be - in our ante natal classes one of the ladies asked whether there would be any information on bottle feeding as she was expecting twins. Midwife replied 'why? You have two boobs' - but with DD2 once I had made the decision I was stopping the midwife could not have been more supportive.

I felt huge guilt too with bottle feeding (both times) as though I was drugging her to make her sleep which is natural and, I think, just goes to prove what a lovely caring mum you are :-)

Good luck and enjoy!

sausageface

Just to add, it's not just the mums who struggle with bf, sometimes it is the baby as well who doesn't get it right!

I thought I had bf down to a T until my third came along.... she wouldn't latch on properly no matter what tricks were used, the pain was excruciating during the first few days and no bf helpers or change in positioning etc. could change the way she latched on - I went to the shops on the way home from the hospital and bought bottles and stuff just in case I couldn't carry as it was that bad. I ended up from a few weeks compliment feeding her up to 4 months and even then her latch would send such a strange sensation through me it made me wince.

Also another tip that worked for me is make sure you are drinking enough, drink water whenever the baby is feeding, it will make it's way through for the next feed and your supply increase (in my experience). I used to have a big bottle of water through the day and it really did help.

Perdi

I had terrible trouble breastfeeding, I don't regret switching to mix feeding but I have lots of 'what ifs' that will never completely go away I know. But in the end I'd descended into a hell of constant expressing, breast refusal, thrush, you name it. I look back in disbelief at what I put us both through. I darn near had a breakdown. The photos from the month before I switched to mix feeding make me wince, she looks so gaunt! The next month's pics afterwards are striking in how much healthier and normal she looks.

I was lucky in that my NCT bumps and babies group were wonderful fabulous people who covered the whole range of births and feeding, I was never once made to feel bad, in fact I think they all thought I was mad for continuing as long as I did.

My advice is to make sure it's your decision, whatever you decide. My OH asked me at the time what could he do and I told him if he said stop I would resent him, and if he told me to continue I would resent him. It had to be a decision I reached myself, I just needed him to be there for me. I am usually a person with a plan, I always know what I'm going to do next so it was a bit of a surprise just how this mess of feelings left me paralysed with indecision. Its hugely emotional.

I made it to about four months before switching to mix feeds. Honestly by that point I hated bedtime as she would just scream and not feed. In the end I just got to the point one night when I couldn't even make myself go up the stairs to put her to bed I was dreading it that much, so I told my OH that he'd have to make an emergency run to the shops for some formula as I couldn't face this feed anymore. And, this still makes me well up, he asked me if I was totally sure, I said yes, and he told me he'd already got some formula and hidden it away for when I was ready. I loved my OH so much in that moment!

We didn't look back, and even more horrific I started weaning her before 6 months - I should be strung up! She is now a healthy bundle of mayhem, and eats anything you put in front of her ... except milk!

emweaver

It is very hard at the start of breastfeeding and your still in the early days so don't give up just yet.

I would say though half hour feed every 4 hours is incredibly lucky, my first was feeding every 2 hours and my second was every 3. My first fed for upto an hour I was so tried I would cry and my nipples were so sore I curled my toe nails when she latched on but I am so glad I did not give up even though it was very tempting.

Seanymph

Like em I remember those toe curling breathe deeply moments - plus two bouts of mastitis.

I kept at it because I'm lazy- and eventually it became alright. But it was hard.

Different things suit different people, I couldn't face having to actually get up, out of bed, warm a bottle, come back, all the time with a baby yelling for food - and then have the faff of sterilising and all that.

Much easier to reach out, drag them into bed alongside you and nod back off.

But don't feel bad if you do it differently, thank god we all are able to make our choices. Do what is right for you, but know you aren't the only one struggling, it's hard, it hurts, and it takes ages to get ok about it. If bottle feeding is for you, then do that instead.

davethecat

I sympathise. I managed to BF for 3 days & at one point it took my partner & 2 midwives to get LO into a decent enough position to latch on. I began to dread him waking up & felt like I was a monster for even thinking that way :-( LO was unsettled & cried for hours in the hospital until one of the night staff gentle suggested a bottle feed. He settled immediately & I tried to combi-feed but my milk didn't come in so had to switch to exclusively bottle feed. He is a happy little boy. Please do what is right for you. Take care x