Bottle feeding and guilt

Mojisola

It's such a shame that so many mothers (and babies) have trouble with breast feeding. My babies took to it straight away and I loved feeding them - no problems with soreness, just one bout of mastitis but I kept feeding through that.

I fed on demand and for comfort and it was so easy to be able to pick baby up and feed immediately. I had bottles and all the stuff passed on to me from a relative but, luckily, I didn't need them.

Although I had a very positive experience, I know I would have used bottles if things had been different.

There are genuine and observable benefits to breast feeding but when you weigh those up against a distressed baby and an anxious mother, it's got to be better to get the bottle out.

clairehi

Anyone who thinks breastfeeding is easy has either been very lucky or never done it! The first 4-6 weeks are by far the hardest and then it dramatically improves - feed times get a lot shorter and more predictable. It can be very painful in the early days even if the baby is properly latched.

just to say to anyone in the OPs position, after 2 weeks you may be half way through the hard part and if you do manage to persevere then it can be fantastic, no need to faff about getting up in the night to warm bottles, no bottles to take out with you etc, no sterilising...

The first weeks with a newborn can be chaotic, exhausting, terrifying and strange, however you are feeding, and there is no guarantee that swapping to bottle feeding will fix all that...

SingleSue

I really struggled with my first child and breast feeding, initially because he was suffering discomfort getting into the breast feeding position due to his delivery. I persevered with expressing milk and continuing to try to breastfeed but to no avail.

I was made to feel awful by the midwives who absolutely refused to allow me to have some formula milk to feed him with. After quite a few days of this (we had to stay in hospital until he was 7 days old), I rebelled and 'borrowed' some from the cart where all the other mums were getting the formula...and finally, James started putting weight on, was more settled and I was a hell of alot happier too. I still gave him expressed milk on top of the formula for the first 2 or 3 weeks though.

He is now 18 and apart from a hereditry condition, is fine.

I learnt for middle son and told the staff I would be bottle feeding while secretly planning to breast feed him once we were home, so for the first 4 days of life, he was bottle fed. The experience was lovely (as in getting it started, can't say I actually ever enjoyed breast feeding), no pressure to perform, no stress when things didn't go well and he was successfully breast fed until he was 8 months old.

For youngest, I felt confident I could breast feed well and told the staff I would be attempting to breast feed straight away but if it didn't go well, I would be switching to bottle feeding and if they tried to tell me otherwise...well, I would not be a happy bunny.

He was breastfed from the word go until just after he was 1.

Although there are some benefits from the early milk that is produced, I still think it should be a parent's choice and if one method is not working, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying something different and you really should not be made to feel a failure for breast feeding not being successful, you can bond just as well when bottle feeding and they are getting the right nutrients needed too.

My reasons for breast feeding however, were not to do with 'breast is best' but more to do with the fact I am a bit tight and wanted a cheaper way to feed, so would never judge a new mother as doing 'wrong' by bottle feeding, it's just not suitable for everyone.

zoesmummy_2006

I tried to bf my daughter, we got to 6 weeks but the hv's at weekly baby clinic were constantly on at me saying she wasnt gaining weight quick enough, and my courage failed, I felt like I was failing her and not feeding her properly. She was always a content and happy lil thing though, but all I saw was what they hv's were saying-I was a new mum and they were 'the professionals' so obviously they were right. I gave in and put her on the bottle just so they'd see her gain some weight, yet even then she never did gain weight quickly, she's always been a slight thing, but she's tall. She's 6 now and the most gorgeous girl in the world, perfect and healthy and hardly ever ill.
When I was pregnant with my son I decided straight away that I was going to persevere with bf and to hell with the hv's. We had a hell of a delivery via c-section, severe blood loss on my part and I was that out of it they had to wake me to feed him cos i dint hear him cry Then when we got home he developed oral thrush-holy hell ive never known pain like it, I nearly bit through my lip at every feed cos him latching on was horrific. But then we got through that and he bf for a year. I avoided baby clinic as much as possible, I could see him growing and gaining weight, and after my experiences with my dd I wasnt prepared to go through that again!! Hes a dinky thing, takes after me , is 4 in august and has only just started wearing 3-4 jeans, still wears 2-3 tops etc. But of the 2 of them hes always been the sickly one, anything going he gets it, always suffered severe nappy rash, had mybomian cysts from a few months old (dr had never seen them in a baby his age!), has had a couple of unexplained allergic reactions recently.

I wouldnt hesitate to bf again should i ever have another child, but having bin through it all and come out the other side I wouldnt beat myself up if I cant. I know youre only 13 days in (congrats by the way should you come back and read this!!) but do what you want to do, not what anyone tells you you should do, or what they think you should do. Theyre only small such a brief time, enjoy every moment (i think they should stay newborn for at least 6 months cos i love that stage lol) xx

FBaby

I didn't breasfeed my children and that was a conscious decision. I never felt guilty about it. Whereas I don't dispute the overall claim of breastfeeding benefits, I have always seen it as the result of 1000s of babies, which means that for many who benefited, there will be some who didn't or for whom it made no difference.

Not one child has been breasfed in my family since my grand parents and all of us are much above average in terms of what breasfeeding is supposed to benefit. My two children are both top of their class, both tall and slim, very well behaved, and extremely healthy. As a matter of fact, my 9yo has never had antibiotics in his life, and my 12yo only twice, once after an eye operation as precaution and when she had scarlet fever, again as a precaution.

I think breastfeeding is wonderful if it is something you find natural, enjoy and comes easily. I do find it a bit sad when mothers feel obliged to stick to it through guilt to the stage of being in tears with it.

Saying that, the issue causing trouble might not be due to breastfeeding. My two were feeders every 2 1/2 hours for weeks and each bottle took about 1/2 hour at least the first 3 weeks. Unfortunately, different babies have different eating habits whether they are breast or bottle fed.

amus

Dont feel pressurised into continuing breastfeeding if it is stressing you out, you dont need that sort of pressure when your child is so young its hard enough without feeding problems.

Dont let midwives or health visitors make you feel bad about bottle feeding if it is what you feel is best, I wouldnt discuss it with them either if thats what you are wanting to do because they will put pressure on you to continue.

I mixed breast and bottle with both of mine after 6 weeks.

Many babies are formula fed and are perfectly healthy, there is no need for women to struggle with breast feeding if they are unhappy. Every woman is different.

Gillyx

I would agree with what others have said, they say it takes until about 6-8 weeks for breast feeding to be established. I gave it up at about week 3 and it's something I completely regret

Flugelhorn

Just pondering on the old Breast is Best slogan... shouldn't it be Breast is Better? ... dunno, maybe need to get a life.

FWIW - I am a doctor who found breast feeding an absolute doddle so carried on for ages but if it had been tough (and the OP is having a tough time) then the bottles would have been in business very quickly.

maybe Better rather than Best would be a better phrase?

Person_one

Flugelhorn wrote: »

Just pondering on the old Breast is Best slogan... shouldn't it be Breast is Better? ... dunno, maybe need to get a life.

FWIW - I am a doctor who found breast feeding an absolute doddle so carried on for ages but if it had been tough (and the OP is having a tough time) then the bottles would have been in business very quickly.

maybe Better rather than Best would be a better phrase?

It doesn't rhyme though.

dizziblonde

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

(i think they should stay newborn for at least 6 months cos i love that stage lol) xx

God no! I think it's been the worst part of having her come prematurely - that you end up stuck in that tiny, terrifying, utterly draining newborn stage for so much longer than other parents... and the wait for her first smile - seemed eternal when other babies born at the same time as her had long since done theirs and you knew you probably had the best part of another month and a half to go till yours.

And BTW - I wanted to avoid the faff and hassle of bottles - but when we had to - we found it was overexaggerated - particularly if you avoid the faffy microwave sterilsers and go for ye olde bucket o'milton. Especially these days with the cartons of formula for when you're out and about (assuming you have a child like mine with no culinary standards whatsoever who'll drink milk hot, cold or anything - I'm claiming she takes after dad on this one) it's a case of grab bottle bits out of steriliser and put them together, put bottle in bag, grab carton off shelf and put in bag, make sure you have some scissors in bag and off you go. The only issue we've had was me in one sleep deprived daze not screwing the bottle together properly one night - one milk bath for Missy... and the following night (and I've still got no idea how on earth he did this) daddy put the bottle together without putting the teat in, tipped it up to feed Missy... another milk bath for her!