Bottle feeding and guilt

samwich1979

Our son was born at 37 weeks and was 5lb 9oz and as i had high blood pressure and was on medication i chose not to breastfeed.
He is now 14 months, has never been ill and is such a happy little boy.

As much as we are told breast is best i really think women should not have it shoved down their throats and made to feel bad for not even considering it.
I do not feel guilty in the slightest for formula feeding and found Aptamil to be great for our son.

VikkiiKawaii

mildred1978 wrote: »

That really isn't a good thing!!

It's a height thing - she's very tall and has grown fast. The health visitor said it's absolutely fine, she's just tall for her age. She was also born at 9 pounds 7 ounces.

rosie-lee

Despite all the research and all that we are told.....

When you walk your little one through the school gate for the first time and look around, you won't be able to tell the difference between those kids who were bottle fed or breast!!

Do what makes you happy and relaxed, good luck x

marvalous

rosie-lee wrote: »

Despite all the research and all that we are told.....

When you walk your little one through the school gate for the first time and look around, you won't be able to tell the difference between those kids who were bottle fed or breast!!

Do what makes you happy and relaxed, good luck x

Well said.

As the child of a midwife and a woman who not only excelled at breastfeeding but fed half of the preemies on the ward with her "Gold top" milk, I felt incredibly guilty when I could not do it and my son refused to latch.I too got went to the breastfeeding cafe and got no support. I persevered to the point where my son became underweight and developed jaundice and the health visitor marched us both to hospital. When I confessed to my mum, she said if it's not working, forget it. There are millions of kids around the world who grow up on formula and are just fine.

If you are killing yourself trying to breastfeed, it is defeating the purpose.

Person_one

I got an awful lot of flak on a post not that long ago for suggesting that it might be a good idea for formula milk to be something you got prescribed from your doctor/health visitor/midwife rather than something you bought from a supermarket.

Looking at some of the guilt and the stress that it causes women making the decision to start using it though, surely some of that would be alleviated by a medical professional taking that decision out of your hands and taking the responsibility for making the switch?

It seems like a lot of women are carrying on in pain and distress far past the point where most reasonable people would say they gave it their absolute best shot and that they don't need to feel guilt. Its clearly very hard for women to make that final decision to stop, and that they see it as 'giving up' rather than as making a necessary change.

I see something similar (although not exactly the same of course) in cancer patients having horrific side effects from chemo that won't actually save them. They don't feel able to say 'stop, I've had enough' because that would be giving up and they feel they'd be letting down their loved ones. A doctor or a nurse giving them 'permission' can really ease the burden they feel.

Disclaimer, I've never had a baby, so its all an outside perspective. I've read enough research to know that breastfeeding really is best if its at all possible but also known enough distressed and suffering mums to know that sadly it isn't always possible. Formula milk is a miraculous invention that's probably saved the lives of many babies, I think we need to go back to seeing it in those terms rather than as a lifestyle choice to be judged.

Valli

Person_one wrote: »

Disclaimer, I've never had a baby, so its all an outside perspective. I've read enough research to know that breastfeeding really is best if its at all possible but also known enough distressed and suffering mums to know that sadly it isn't always possible. Formula milk is a miraculous invention that's probably saved the lives of many babies, I think we need to go back to seeing it in those terms rather than as a lifestyle choice to be judged.

:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T

I chose to BF and was able to but I totally agree and think it should be the choice of the mother (and to an extent the father) and it's no-body else's business and I hope it works out for you!

dizziblonde

There's no way on this earth I'd be going to the doctor to beg permission for formula. You haven't seen the way things ARE in hospitals these days - there's no way they'd dare prescribe it. They don't dare give you advice, they don't dare say "look this is driving you bonkers - QUIT" as it is... you'd just end up with lots of babies not gaining any weight, screaming from hunger and women at their wits end - and god knows what would happen to the babies in that situation.

It's actually a pretty offensive suggestion to be honest - smacks more of trying to FURTHER stigmatise formula feeding.

Person_one

Who said anything about 'beg permission'? Do you have to beg permission for other things you need from your doctor? I'm not saying implement it tomorrow! A big culture change would be needed if it were ever to happen, I'm sure.

It clear you've already suffered quite a lot with the guilt and stress of this, both at your own hands and others, why is a hypothetical scenario with the intention of alleviating that making you so angry?

No offence was intended.

mrcow

Person_one wrote: »

I got an awful lot of flak on a post not that long ago for suggesting that it might be a good idea for formula milk to be something you got prescribed from your doctor/health visitor/midwife rather than something you bought from a supermarket.

I'm not surprised you got flak for that idea.

It's not dissimilar to suggesting that alcohol should be allowed strictly on prescription only, to ensure that people stay within the weekly recommended guidelines for alcohol consumption.

Gillyx

I know another woman said it on the thread and I too was told by a midwife to stop, because of the stress it was causing. In my hospital they just came around in the morning with the little bottles and asked every woman if she needed any and left enough for the day. That was my hospital though, they didn't care if you chose not to breast feed there main issue was baby being fed, I was advised in hospital to give my baby formula because he wouldn't feed at all.