Bottle feeding and guilt

topsales

Breast feeding is wonderful if you can manage to do it....I breastfed my son nearly 40 years ago and wish that I had breastfed his elder brother...it does seem to be so much more popular now especially in Spain where my grandchildren are! Not sure how much difference it makes to the development of the baby but I found it to be a really WONDERFUL experience.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

It seems like a lot of women are carrying on in pain and distress far past the point where most reasonable people would say they gave it their absolute best shot and that they don't need to feel guilt.

Its clearly very hard for women to make that final decision to stop, and that they see it as 'giving up' rather than as making a necessary change.

This is the part I can't understand. A baby (and a new mother) needs those first few weeks in particular to be calm, relaxing and happy. How can it be better for a baby to be breastfed if that also means he/she is hungry, upset and crying a lot while being cared for by an anxious mother who is in pain or feeling guilty.

The stress levels that a baby experiences in the womb through the placenta and in the first months affects how his/her body reacts to stress for the rest of his/her life. It cannot be good for mother or baby to go through this.

The worrying part is that it seems to be the doctors and midwives who are making mothers feel guilty and like failures.

mildred1978

Mojisola wrote: »

This is the part I can't understand. A baby (and a new mother) needs those first few weeks in particular to be calm, relaxing and happy. How can it be better for a baby to be breastfed if that also means he/she is hungry, upset and crying a lot while being cared for by an anxious mother who is in pain or feeling guilty.

The stress levels that a baby experiences in the womb through the placenta and in the first months affects how his/her body reacts to stress for the rest of his/her life. It cannot be good for mother or baby to go through this.

The worrying part is that it seems to be the doctors and midwives who are making mothers feel guilty and like failures.

There's an evolutionary reason that childbirth hurts as much as it does. There's an evolutionary reason that babies should be breastfed. There's an evolutionary reason that breastfeeding (usually) prevents close pregnancies.

Babies are not ready for the outside world when they are born. The first 3 months are known as the 4th trimester for a reason. They have to learn how to sleep, how to feed and how to communicate. The system is beautifully designed. Expecting it to be no more stressful than taking a delivery from Mothercare undermines what parenthood (and motherhood in particular) is about. It isn't supposed to be easy!!!!

mildred1978

Mojisola wrote: »

The stress levels that a baby experiences in the womb through the placenta and in the first months affects how his/her body reacts to stress for the rest of his/her life. It cannot be good for mother or baby to go through this.

.

I doubt it's any more stressful than hundreds/thousands of years ago. And yet we've survived, generation after generation.

Person_one

mildred1978 wrote: »

I doubt it's any more stressful than hundreds/thousands of years ago. And yet we've survived, generation after generation.

Some survived, a lot didn't last past infancy and many died in childbirth or shortly after. We certainly didn't live nearly as long.

mildred1978

Person_one wrote: »

Some survived, a lot didn't last past infancy and many died in childbirth or shortly after. We certainly didn't live nearly as long.

I know. Not from things caused by a little bit of stress though.

Mrs.W_2

mildred1978 wrote: »

There's an evolutionary reason that childbirth hurts as much as it does. There's an evolutionary reason that babies should be breastfed. There's an evolutionary reason that breastfeeding (usually) prevents close pregnancies.

Babies are not ready for the outside world when they are born. The first 3 months are known as the 4th trimester for a reason. They have to learn how to sleep, how to feed and how to communicate. The system is beautifully designed. Expecting it to be no more stressful than taking a delivery from Mothercare undermines what parenthood (and motherhood in particular) is about. It isn't supposed to be easy!!!!

But neither is it meant to be such a depressing time that you'd be ready to leave your baby with the first 'sucessful' mother who'd have him. That's how the HV's made me feel.

If bf-ing really does not work for someone, don't compound their stress and depression with your believes. That's nasty and smug behaviour.

Person_one

mildred1978 wrote: »

I know. Not from things caused by a little bit of stress though.

Don't underestimate the physiological impact of stress. It has a real, measurable detrimental effect on the entire body, keeping you in a permanent state of 'fight or flight'.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0014299908000277

mildred1978

Mrs.W wrote: »

But neither is it meant to be such a depressing time that you'd be ready to leave your baby with the first 'sucessful' mother who'd have him. That's how the HV's made me feel.

If bf-ing really does not work for someone, don't compound their stress and depression with your believes. That's nasty and smug behaviour.

I struggled with BF for many many weeks, but ended up BFing for a year. I am well aware that it isn't easy, and that there's a choice. I'm horrified by the way some professionals behave toward new mothers.

My post outlined the science, not my beliefs. Humans wouldn't have gotten very far if we (the majority of the time) couldn't deal with childbirth or feeding babies. It's a relatively recent change that's given a choice.

mildred1978

Person_one wrote: »

Don't underestimate the physiological impact of stress. It has a real, measurable detrimental effect on the entire body, keeping you in a permanent state of 'fight or flight'.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0014299908000277

Probably quite handy if you've been born in a cave surrounded by wolves (other wild animals are available).