Sorry, just need a vent

victory

You haven't answered all my questions:D

neneromanova

victory wrote: »

Is this a control thing or a power struggle? Do either of you feel less loved/wanted/cared for by your parents? Has your sis been the apple of their eye and you are jealous?

Have you ever without the help of your parents taken your sis for a quiet drink and calmly explained to her that you do not want any swearing infront of your littleo ne and would appreciate it if she could refrain whilst you are both in the house? Do all arguments between you escalate into violence?

You say that you do not want your DD to hear the swearing but surely you would equally not want her to see two grown women fighting? What message will that send out? If you don't get your own way you can resort to violence and attack?

Nope. Love has always been shared out equally. If not more towards me now since she's started going off the rails.

I have said to her calmly to not to swear on many occasions, first it was ok I won't, then it was oh shut up when she wouldn't stop then it was swearing back at me.

And as I said in a previous post, DD1 didn't see any of the violence, only heard the yelling.

She gets like this after she's been with her boyfriend. They wind each other up, then she comes over to mums and lets lose on us, then goes back to him. And she NEVER acts like this infront of other family members ie. aunts, uncles or her friends. Just Mum, Dad, my brother and I

neneromanova

victory wrote: »

You haven't answered all my questions:D

Just did :P

thorsoak

Honestly - your poor parents! Were you like this as children??? Have you always fought physically?

And as for the age of her BF - whatever does it matter how old he is? Or is it important to you - the fact that you mention his age would seem to indicate so!

For your parents' sake, just stay away from their home (which is also her home - not yours any longer) when she is there - that way your poor mother and father can have some peace and quiet without having to physically separate their fighting daughters ....do you want history repeating with your daughters? Because it will, unless you stop now! You are the older daughter - yes? Well then, start behaving like one and set your younger sister the example!

victory

Does your sis know she is not coming to the wedding?

neneromanova

victory wrote: »

Does your sis know she is not coming to the wedding?

No I haven't mentioned to her yet. Thought it would be petty of me to go "Well you're not coming to the wedding anymore to ner ner ner ner ner" :rotfl:

No We've never fought physically, this was the first time. Well for me touching/pulling her. Her she does it all the time. Barging past purposfully knocking me, hitting me in the stomach while pregnant.

It doesn't matter to me his age, but he acts more like a hormonal 16 year old than a current 28 year old.

Four_leaf_clover_2

neneromanova wrote: »

She started walking away so I grabbed her to turn her round and pointed my finger in her face to tell her off. (you get the picture) So she lashes out, punches me in the shoulder and cheek and tells me don't ever get in her f'ing face again. Dad decideds now is the time to intervene, grabs me, throwing be away from the situation, tells her to go to her room. I yell at him to don't ever manhandle me again (not the first time he's done this to me but I'm the only child he has done it to) And to tell her off as she's the one who punched me and is swearing non stop. He storms off and says he's going to sort it, but instead of going to tell her off, just goes outside to his workshop and doesn't come back in. My Poor DD1 Saw all this and was quite worried. She's all good now though

:eek::eek::eek:


How old is your daughter OP? You know her best of course, but if she is very young I would be surprised if she was okay, after witnessing what she did.

Going by what you advise us of above this young child saw you arguing with her Aunt, grabbing her and pointing your finger in her face to tell her off. Next she sees her Aunt lash out at you, punching you in the shoulder and face, before f'ing and blinding. Then she saw her Grandad throw you out the way and yell at her Aunt. You yell at him for manhandling you, before he storms off. No doubt she picked up on how upset this made your mum too. As a child I would have been terrified if the adults I loved and trusted behaved in such an attrocious way towards each other.

I have no doubt that your sister is hard work and extremely immature for her 19 years. However I think this whole situation could have been handled much better by all of you, especially considering there was a young, impressionable child exposed to all of this.

When your sister started behaving so badly why did you not just remove yourself and your child from the situation? Sometimes the sensible things is to just walk away. You know your sister inside out and that she is very unlikely to change her ways. Leave her to your parents and prevent her from being a negative influence on your children. I think you would be very wise to arrange with your mum to spend time with her away from your sister for a while.

victory

neneromanova wrote: »

No I haven't mentioned to her yet. Thought it would be petty of me to go "Well you're not coming to the wedding anymore to ner ner ner ner ner" :rotfl:

Your choice, your argument, your sis but can't imagine that not inviting her will bring a stop to all this bad feeling between you and will only add much more hightened tensions between you, your sis, your mum and dad and brother, is it worth it?

neneromanova

In my eyes yes, as I've had enough of her. In my eyes she thinks she's got away with this as usual, but If I follow through with not allowing her to go then she will see that her actions have consiquences. Well that's they way I see it anyway, but I know what you mean.

the_cat

Stop acting like a child. Stop treating your sister like one - at 19 she is an adult and whether you like her behaviour or not, she is entitled to swear/behave as she chooses

Of course saying that there should be consequenses to her actions. That does not involve you behaving equally as badly as her, or you telling her off, or you bad mouthing her (clearly in earshot) to her parents. If she chooses to swear, that's up to her. You can't stop her. Your choices are to avoid her or to put up with it

At a push your parents could influence her if they choose, assuming she still lives at home but they choose not to. Again they are adults and that is their choice. End of.

If you do what you have always done, you'll get what you've always got. The only person who you can change is you. Your response if she acts like this should be to CALMLY apologise to your mother and father, but state that you are not prepared to tolerate her language. Collect your children and leave. Then maybe she (and they?) will get the message