Sorry, just need a vent

CH27

neneromanova wrote: »

Can I ask how it comes across as jealous and resentful? I really don't understand.

To me you seem angry & resentful that your parents aren't resolving the situation with your sister & yourself.

It isn't actually up to them.
You are both adults & as I said ^^^ you both need to grow up & learn how to communicate.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

i dont think theres resentment or any jealousy from the posts OP has given.

but i would say that both your and sister actions contributed to violence.
she was wound up as it was, she walked away from the situation after giving it all mouth, you then proceeded after her to run your mouth off at her knowing she was angry as it was im not suprise your actions got you a smack.

BUT... after having weeks or months of agressive mouthing off from your sister, her treating your parents as a doormat,and contant reminder not to swear infront of your child there comes a time when politeness and tactics need to be switched to a good telling off for the short sharp shock factor.

what concerns me here is that she seems hot headed and has a loose cannon set to go off at anymoment aggressive nature, this is not the kind of person i would wish to have looking after my children.
if she is like this at home then she is most likely to be like this when out with friends partying, and one day her carma will catch up on her when che clobbers someone when out on a friday night and ends up in court for affray of even worse GBH, her prospect of getting a childcare job with these convictions would be zero, and all her hard work in study will be for nothing.
pehaps this behaviour is a cry out for someone to have a adult heart to heart with her because she feels she has no-one to talk to about private matters and things that bother her. perhaps you could make sometime to chat to her alone, if this behaviour isnt really normal and has crept up since a certain person came into her life or started college then there could be a problem that she has bottled up and this aggression is her way of venting the frustration she has within herself

gingin_2

neneromanova wrote: »

Sister was even on the phone this morning to our uncle !!!!!ing about myself and my brother to him so learnt nothing from yesterday.OH thought that was halarious.

Her loss though. She's not coming to the wedding now, (can you imagine it all blowing up then too?!) And she won't see my DD's Again.

You sound like a hormonal, teenage girl, so does your sister (except she just about is). Reread this. Does it make you the better, more mature person?

thorsoak

neneromanova wrote: »

Sorry but I say nothing about that at all. She spends most of her time anyway with her useless controlling boyfriend anyway at his house.

Yes I know i shouldnt have grabbed her, but I was trying to protect my DD's from her words. I suppose mothers instinct kicked in and I wanted to fight for them. To protect them.

Take your daughters to your parents house when your sister is with her boyfriend!

I agree with the other posters - unfortunately by grabbing your sister and getting in her face, you'v escalated the situation and your daughter saw this. Too late now - but it would have been far better for you to have taken your daughter away before this happened.

Caroline73_2

neneromanova wrote: »

Just spoke to mum. Apparently dads at the end of his tether and just wants to go away and never come back, sister hasn't said sorry to anyone or even realises what has happened after the blow up and brother is just being brother. Lol. Sister was even on the phone this morning to our uncle !!!!!ing about myself and my brother to him so learnt nothing from yesterday. Apparently my brother has no job, is on antidepressants and Is useless, and I just keep popping kids out and let my OH pay for everything etc. Electricity, food, even my clothes. OH thought that was halarious.

Is this what your mum told you? If so, it's a bit gossipy and sounds like the two of you are !!!!!ing about your sister as much as she is !!!!!ing to your uncle. It's just adding fuel to the fire.

Most parents would metaphorically bang your heads together.

jackieb

neneromanova wrote: »

Thats what we're doing now. OH is going alone and I'm staying at home.

Just spoke to mum. Apparently dads at the end of his tether and just wants to go away and never come back, sister hasn't said sorry to anyone or even realises what has happened after the blow up and brother is just being brother. Lol. Sister was even on the phone this morning to our uncle !!!!!ing about myself and my brother to him so learnt nothing from yesterday. Apparently my brother has no job, is on antidepressants and Is useless, and I just keep popping kids out and let my OH pay for everything etc. Electricity, food, even my clothes. OH thought that was halarious.

Her loss though. She's not coming to the wedding now, (can you imagine it all blowing up then too?!) And she won't see my DD's Again.

It's all a bit he said, she said. Unless witnessed by yourself, let it go. Don't rely on hearsay.

And apparently she phoned your uncle to moan about you, and you've came on here to moan about her - so what's the difference?

jellyhead

Your parents choose to let her swear in front of your children. They don't want to tell her not to. I assume that your parents swear themselves, or at least they don't think it's a problem.

There's not a lot you can do about that if your parents don't want to do anything about it.

When my eldest was little my brother's girlfriend was foul-mouthed despite repeatedly being asked not to swear in front of my child. Luckily the situation was resolved by her staying in brother's bedroom while I was visiting my parents, and eventually she stopped swearing in front of my son. After a couple of years she even babysat him because I trusted her to mind her language. most people are intelligent enough to mind their language in certain situations - they can't swear in the workplace for example.

If my parents hadn't made it clear that they didn't want her to swear then I suppose I would have simply stayed away from my parents house.

Your parents need to change it, not you. You can't tell her what to do. If your parents don't want to do anything about it, then it's your choice whether you visit them or not.

There's more to this than swearing though - she was walking away but you followed her and got in her face. You need to leave her alone - it's not your place to tell her off, and you were far too aggressive in the way you did it. Tell your parents you don't want your kids around somebody who swears, and let THEM deal with it.

j.e.j.

neneromanova wrote: »

Just spoke to mum. Apparently dads at the end of his tether and just wants to go away and never come back, sister hasn't said sorry to anyone or even realises what has happened after the blow up and brother is just being brother. Lol. Sister was even on the phone this morning to our uncle !!!!!ing about myself and my brother to him so learnt nothing from yesterday. Apparently my brother has no job, is on antidepressants and Is useless, and I just keep popping kids out and let my OH pay for everything etc. Electricity, food, even my clothes. OH thought that was halarious.

Her loss though. She's not coming to the wedding now, (can you imagine it all blowing up then too?!) And she won't see my DD's Again.

Your poor dad! Why should he (or your mum) have to referee their two adult daughters?

The last bit sounds like vengeful tit-for-tat. How is that going to help things?

victory

neneromanova wrote: »

Thats what we're doing now. OH is going alone and I'm staying at home.

Just spoke to mum. Apparently dads at the end of his tether and just wants to go away and never come back, sister hasn't said sorry to anyone or even realises what has happened after the blow up and brother is just being brother. Lol. Sister was even on the phone this morning to our uncle !!!!!ing about myself and my brother to him so learnt nothing from yesterday. Apparently my brother has no job, is on antidepressants and Is useless, and I just keep popping kids out and let my OH pay for everything etc. Electricity, food, even my clothes. OH thought that was halarious.

Her loss though. She's not coming to the wedding now, (can you imagine it all blowing up then too?!) And she won't see my DD's Again.

Is this a control thing or a power struggle? Do either of you feel less loved/wanted/cared for by your parents? Has your sis been the apple of their eye and you are jealous?

Have you ever without the help of your parents taken your sis for a quiet drink and calmly explained to her that you do not want any swearing infront of your littleo ne and would appreciate it if she could refrain whilst you are both in the house? Do all arguments between you escalate into violence?

You say that you do not want your DD to hear the swearing but surely you would equally not want her to see two grown women fighting? What message will that send out? If you don't get your own way you can resort to violence and attack?

neneromanova

THis has all been going on for 4 years, Since she got with a 24 year old. He is very immature and rubbed off on her.

My parents do tell her to stop swearing but my dad never backs mum up so she feels she is losing a battle with her.

She walked away, but listened at the door to what was being said about her so came back in and starting swearing again. Both mum and dad told her to stop swearing but she said "no why the F should I" So I just saw red and lost it. She saw me getting up so, knowing she was in the wrong and finally going to get told off properly she walked away and rather quickly.

And Yes the wedding thing is petty, but as This isn't the first time she's hit me (last time was while I was pregnant with DD1 and I never hit/touched/did anything to make her do that. she did it as she was in a bad mood) I really can't trust her not acting up at the wedding. She is VERY much a Drama queen and has to be the center of attention.

And My uncle rang the house (he lives in australia so we rarely spreak to him) and just asked her how everyone was and what they were up to while my brother went to go get my mum to say he was on the phone. And I know she says these things about my OH paying for everything for me as she's said it to my face and I just burst out laughing. So did mum and OH by the way.