Sorry, just need a vent

Four_leaf_clover_2

neneromanova wrote: »

No I didn't want my DD to see or hear what happened. And she is nearly 4 so not at school.

I did make sure my DD was ok and gave her hugs and everything. This morning she hasn't said anything about it. Normally when something traumatises her she goes on about it for days but she hasn't so it luckily didn't affect her.

It's easy for everyone to say how awful it is but I would love to see each and everyone of you in that situation with my sister after 4 years of the same treatment and see how you react to her. But I am taking everything everyone says on board so Thank you

How regularly does your 4 year old feel traumatised OP? It's not normal for this emotion to be part and parcel of such a young childs life.

I also think it is odd that because she isn't going on an on about what happened you feel she is fine with it. Maybe she is so traumatised by recent events that she is withdrawing into herself and feels unable to express what she saw and heard. Maybe she feels frightened to approach you about something in case you go off at her like you did your sister and father. So she is bottling it up.

Is one of the children in your avatar the DD you are referring to? Only this is an open forum, anyone can view it and read these threads. It wouldn't take much for one of the child care practitioners at your child's nursery to recognise her and know what she is being exposed to would it.

I am quite dumbstruck by your whole attitude to this.

the_cat

I have to say I feel really sorry for the mother in all of this....
2 bickering daughters too interested in themselves and being proved right to care what this must be doing to her and a husband who is next to useless
........................
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happy mother's day NOT!

barbiedoll

Oh, small children can be "traumatised" by lots of things. My DS was scared by the witch in "Snow White", he wouldn't sleep with the bedroom light off for two weeks because there was "a witch living behind the radiator"
When he saw a "huge" spider on the ceiling (approx size.....2cms) he went on about it for ages.
My OH got very very drunk once and had to practically crawl home on his hands and knees. I had a right go at him and he got a bit stroppy and shouted at me. My DS has never forgotten it and even now tells his dad (who hardly ever drinks), that he mustn't get too drunk because it makes him shout.

OP....your sister is behaving like a toddler having a tantrum so take leaf out of Supernanny's book and completely ignore her bad behaviour. When she kicks off, she is looking for an audience and a reaction, if she doesn't get one, she will stop. You were as bad as her, what did you expect her to do when you pointed your finger in her face? You sound like a volatile family at best, you need to learn how not to push each other's buttons. Don't invite her to your wedding if you think that she will ruin your day and definitely don't invite the odd boyfriend but do so for the right reasons, not because you want to punish her.

If she is attacking you on a regular basis, then call the police and get her charged with assault. If she is violent then she really shouldn't be looking after small children, would you leave your kids with her?

CL

neneromanova wrote: »

Thats what we're doing now. OH is going alone and I'm staying at home.

Just spoke to mum. Apparently dads at the end of his tether and just wants to go away and never come back, sister hasn't said sorry to anyone or even realises what has happened after the blow up and brother is just being brother. Lol. Sister was even on the phone this morning to our uncle !!!!!ing about myself and my brother to him so learnt nothing from yesterday. Apparently my brother has no job, is on antidepressants and Is useless, and I just keep popping kids out and let my OH pay for everything etc. Electricity, food, even my clothes. OH thought that was halarious.

Her loss though. She's not coming to the wedding now, (can you imagine it all blowing up then too?!) And she won't see my DD's Again.

Seriously! What age are you? If your family behave like this you should rise above it and keep yourself and your family away from your sister, while still seeing you parents. Visit when she isn't there and have your parents visit you.

If everyone she spoke this way to avoided her completely she would start towing the line.

You are on your way to being in a Jeremy Kyle episode. You should set a better example to your children.

neneromanova

Caroline73 wrote: »

And how often does she see things that traumatise her?

Not very often but I don't mean traumatises in the sense that she sees violence, I mean the way barbiegirl describes it. When she was younger it was a helicopter that flew around, or when she accidentally swallowed a bug while walking.

Courgette wrote: »

This seems to me like a lot more than your usual sibling rivalry. Seriously? Hitting someone in the stomach while pregnant? Did she know you were pregnant? As in, were you showing?

Yeah I was about 7months pregnant so pretty big and everyone knew.

barbiedoll wrote: »

Oh, small children can be "traumatised" by lots of things. My DS was scared by the witch in "Snow White", he wouldn't sleep with the bedroom light off for two weeks because there was "a witch living behind the radiator"
When he saw a "huge" spider on the ceiling (approx size.....2cms) he went on about it for ages.
My OH got very very drunk once and had to practically crawl home on his hands and knees. I had a right go at him and he got a bit stroppy and shouted at me. My DS has never forgotten it and even now tells his dad (who hardly ever drinks), that he mustn't get too drunk because it makes him shout.

If she is attacking you on a regular basis, then call the police and get her charged with assault. If she is violent then she really shouldn't be looking after small children, would you leave your kids with her?

Thanks barbiedoll. That's exactly what I meant.

And there's never any proof as no one is ever around to see it. the other day was a one time thing. She's normally more cunning in doing it when its just us two with no witnesses.

And as for going round when she's not there, she can not be there one minute and suddenly turn up the next, 5 mins after she's there things normally start so no time to take kids away.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

neneromanova wrote: »

Not very often but I don't mean traumatises in the sense that she sees violence, I mean the way barbiegirl describes it. When she was younger it was a helicopter that flew around, or when she accidentally swallowed a bug while walking.


Yeah I was about 7months pregnant so pretty big and everyone knew.



Thanks barbiedoll. That's exactly what I meant.

And there's never any proof as no one is ever around to see it. the other day was a one time thing. She's normally more cunning in doing it when its just us two with no witnesses.

And as for going round when she's not there, she can not be there one minute and suddenly turn up the next, 5 mins after she's there things normally start so no time to take kids away.

and this is where your cue is to leave you mums.

seriously, your sisters considdering being around children yet has no patience or self control at the best of times.
i'm guessing you dont know whats she's like when she's had a few drinks either!

its entirely upto you who you and OH invite to your wedding, if that means your sis stays at home to mull it over where it went wrong and why she werent invited then so beit its your day after all. i wont invite anyone to my wedding knowing they could potentially ruin the day with swearing and potentially causing a scene to ruin the day or night and embarress you and your family infront of friends and OH family. would it cause family tension yes, it can.

what advice has your OH given you, what is his opinion would you have his support in not inviting her or does he have a solution to you pair resolving your spat.

you seem to dislike her boyfriend, and she's been like this for four years since meeting him, has it ever occured that she feels out of her depth in her relationship and can see no way out? her hitting you whilst preggers to me is a sign of her being gealous (SP? my bad) of you perhaps she wished to have children and he doesnt? and is envyous of you.

either way like i said why not chat to her on a level aside from slapping and raised voices, show her maturity by being the first to say sorry, have a quiet chat between you both without any interfierance from others, have the OH/mum take the kids for an hour go to her room and chat, perhaps she wants her older sister to just talk to her in confidence and share some experience.

*max*

neneromanova wrote: »

Normally when something traumatises her she goes on about it for days but she hasn't so it luckily didn't affect her.

Obviously the definition of "traumatising" isn't the same for everyone. I think it may have become a tad trivialised. Obviously.

POPPYOSCAR

neneromanova wrote: »

Not very often but I don't mean traumatises in the sense that she sees violence, I mean the way barbiegirl describes it. When she was younger it was a helicopter that flew around, or when she accidentally swallowed a bug while walking.


Yeah I was about 7months pregnant so pretty big and everyone knew.



Thanks barbiedoll. That's exactly what I meant.

And there's never any proof as no one is ever around to see it. the other day was a one time thing. She's normally more cunning in doing it when its just us two with no witnesses.

And as for going round when she's not there, she can not be there one minute and suddenly turn up the next, 5 mins after she's there things normally start so no time to take kids away.

I understand your frustration and I would feel the same in this situation but where you have gone wrong is to have grabbed her in order to remonstrate with her.

I also do not agree that there is no time to take the kids away, as soon as she walked through the door, I would be on my way.

The one I really feel sorry for in all this is your mum. Your sister should respect her wishes, even if she does not respect yours, as she is living under your parent's roof. However, is is a very difficult if not impossible for some, to actually physically throw a child out on the street.

You can walk away from your sister, not so easy for your mum (and dad).

System

As far as i can see, your sister started this by her words. The moment you touched her

She started walking away so I grabbed her to turn her round and pointed my finger in her face to tell her off. (you get the picture) So she lashes out, punches me in the shoulder and cheek and tells me don't ever get in her f'ing face again.

you turned it it into something physical.

you should have picked up your daughter long before this and headed off for home.

newcook

So your sister is always shouting and swearing yet you still take your children every weekend?!

I think if someone had grabbed me and started wagging their finger in my face they also would have ended up with a smack! As for going to the police, that’s just ridiculous – you escalated the problem.

Do you have people come to your house and tell you how to behave? You have no right telling your sister how to act in her own home.