Sorry, just need a vent

neneromanova

Things have been coming to a head lately with my sister. She has no respect for anyone, thinks her opinion is the only one that is right and thinks she's gods gift. Treats mums house like a hotel (what teenager doesn't i Suppose) She's 19 in May.

Since my DDs were born she always sworn at me in front of my Girls. Wasn't so bad when they were younger but now it is. Shes been told to stop swearing by me, my mum and dad. She takes no notice to anyone.

We always go to my parents house every saturday as OH has to work for my Dad and I take the kids as they live on a farm so the kids get fresh air and to see the animals and nanny.

Last night we were all sitting round having a nice takeaway meal and she starts as usual. Luckily my DD, who's nearly 4 was in her playroom watching a film. But you have to walk through the playroom to get from the kitchen to the livingroom to go upstairs. She starts getting huffy because my mum told her to get the dog inside from outside so mum ended up getting the dog in in the end to save arguements. She starts to storm off upstairs, slamming the playroom door shut. Mum comes in and says what's her problem and I mentioned what she had said.

Now big ears was standing by the door listening to what was being said, comes back in, effing and blinding that that's not true (everyone was there so had heard what she had said) Dad told her to calm down (he never gets involved in telling her off, leaving it all to mum) so I snapped, took off after her and told her not to swear infront of my DD's. (other DD was in bed at this time)

She started walking away so I grabbed her to turn her round and pointed my finger in her face to tell her off. (you get the picture) So she lashes out, punches me in the shoulder and cheek and tells me don't ever get in her f'ing face again. Dad decideds now is the time to intervene, grabs me, throwing be away from the situation, tells her to go to her room. I yell at him to don't ever manhandle me again (not the first time he's done this to me but I'm the only child he has done it to) And to tell her off as she's the one who punched me and is swearing non stop. He storms off and says he's going to sort it, but instead of going to tell her off, just goes outside to his workshop and doesn't come back in. My Poor DD1 Saw all this and was quite worried. She's all good now though

I left things 30minutes to see if dad would come back in then we left as it was getting late and we thought it was best. I didn't really want to leave as mum was in a state as she's had enough of fighting a losing battle with no help from dad at all.

My shoulder aches this morning and I've got a lovely bruise there. I haven't spoken to mum yet as she'll be out doing the animals but I just dunno what to say. I want to ring to check everythings ok but I really don't want to talk to dad.

I dunno why I'm saying all this really, just needed to vent I suppose.

Families huh, who'd have 'em.

January20

You could do 2 things:

1. Give your sister a fright and get her done for assault. Take photos of the bruises. Show her (and your parents) you are not a doormat and won't allow her to hit you. It could of course create a family rift.

2. Do not go to your parents again until they can control the situation. There are other ways for your children to get fresh air and see their grandparents. It's the only way your parents will do something about your sister, but really you have to realise there is little you can do about your sister's behaviour.

You really need to think about the things you can change and those you can't. You can't change your sister's behaviour, her language or your parents doormat attitude to her. You can change your attitude, your habits and what you expose your dds to.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'd suggest you invite your mum over to yours instead.

As none of you seem to be functioning particularly well as a family.

Anyone who grabbed me and started waggling their finger in my face would be likely to cop one.

I would also physically separate my girls if they were behaving the way you describe. But they are over 6 years old now, so it doesn't happen anymore.

After all, what's the difference between grabbing someone and spinning them round to rip their head off and grabbing someone and removing them from physically attacking their younger sister?


Words are just words - you escalated it by using violence.

neneromanova

I did say to mum I should go to the police but all that will achieve is dad taking it out on mum verbally. You could say he is an abuser, I think mum had her last straw last night.

Funny thing is, my sister is training to be in childcare. And she's the best in her class!

Jojo, what violence did I use? She's the one who hit me.

jackieb

neneromanova wrote: »

I did say to mum I should go to the police but all that will achieve is dad taking it out on mum verbally. You could say he is an abuser, I think mum had her last straw last night.

Funny thing is, my sister is training to be in childcare. And she's the best in her class!

Jojo, what violence did I use? She's the one who hit me.

You grabbed her, just as your Dad grabbed you. Except your Dad was trying to separate you.

I'm not excusing your sister's behaviour, but your own could be seen as unnecessary.

bluebird

Your sister should learn to keep her hands to herself-press charges,if you let it go she will continue to treat you badly.she's an adult now let her take the punishment for laying hands on you.

Keep away from anywhere she may be, invite your mum over when ever you want but stay away from your sister-she's toxic to you and all this in front of little children shame on her.don't wind her up she's nasty.

You may need to speak to your little one who saw everything,and explain hitting someone is wrong,if you don't you could find your child hitting others thinking it's acceptable.goodluck

Poppy9

Sorry I'm with Jo Jo on this one. You started it by spinning your sister around and getting in her face. Your behaviour escalated things and now you are pouting because you feel your father favoured your sister not you.

TBH a lot of your post hints at underlying resentment for your sister. She is young, living at home with no responsibilities while you are married with a young family.

You don't have to spend every weekend with your mother, there are other places your children can get fresh air.


The Betaris Box:
My Attitude -> Affects -> My Behaviour -> Affects -> Your Attitude -> Affects -> Your Behaviour -> Affects -> My Attitude and so on.

POPPYOSCAR

January20 wrote: »

You could do 2 things:

1. Give your sister a fright and get her done for assault. Take photos of the bruises. Show her (and your parents) you are not a doormat and won't allow her to hit you. It could of course create a family rift.

2. Do not go to your parents again until they can control the situation. There are other ways for your children to get fresh air and see their grandparents. It's the only way your parents will do something about your sister, but really you have to realise there is little you can do about your sister's behaviour.

You really need to think about the things you can change and those you can't. You can't change your sister's behaviour, her language or your parents doormat attitude to her. You can change your attitude, your habits and what you expose your dds to.

I totally agree with this post.

I would make myself clear to my parents that I was not prepared to expose my young children to this and therefore would not be able to continue to bring them over, if this is not controlled by them.

duchy

I think if you remove the family feeling part and simply look at it as you don't want your daughters exposed to an enviroment of swearing and an under current of violence-it becomes simpler. Invite your Mum to yours instead and only accept invitations to theirs when you know she won't be there. Ultimately it's her home and not yours so you can't dictate to her how she behaves in her own home. Your parents can -but they have chosen for whatever reasons not to-Not your problem and don't make it yours. It only needs to turn into a big family drama if you allow it to-if you stay calm and reasonable it won't. In your shoes I'd keep my girls away from your sister simply because she brings out the worst in you (and possibly vice-versa)-and you certainly don''t want them to see the two of you going at it -verbally or otherwise.

marleyboy

Were it my Sister, I would sit there with my phone filming everything she did from swearing, door slamming to aggression, occasionally reminding her that I am documenting evidence for any childcare companies that may find it entertaining viewing.

If she can act like this in front of her own nieces\nephews, heaven forbid she is left with a group of non related children.

neneromanova

Poppy9 wrote: »

TBH a lot of your post hints at underlying resentment for your sister. She is young, living at home with no responsibilities while you are married with a young family.

Sorry but I say nothing about that at all. She spends most of her time anyway with her useless controlling boyfriend anyway at his house.

Yes I know i shouldnt have grabbed her, but I was trying to protect my DD's from her words. I suppose mothers instinct kicked in and I wanted to fight for them. To protect them.