Is my OH stupid or am I mean ???

itzmee

Well I must be mean too then as I would be absolutely furious if my DH did that and he would be making swift arrangements to get it back! I wouldnt care about the well meaning posts on here saying that he's done a nice thing! OP's OH has given away an expensive piece of equipment without a thought for his family and was probably a bit drunk and showing off. I have just asked DH what he thought about this and he thinks that OP's OH is a tw*t! At the very least he would have sold on the machine or offered a swap of our old one.

peaceandfreedom

nanto3girls wrote: »

After reading this thread last night,i asked hubby if he thought i would be annoyed, if he had done this.His reply, no you wouldn't have been annoyed,you would have been b****y furious.He is right.

I've read most of this thread and I'm with the OP - I would have been furious if my OH had done this. If we were very comfortably off and the recipient of his largesse was someone well-known to us and in clear need, then I might have been slightly less cross but I would still expect him to discuss it with me first.

However, given the OP's situation, I would be very angry about it. I would question his motives and also I would be inclined to think that perhaps a few drinks got the better of him (don't know if Mishka's OH had been drinking but I can be 100% certain my OH would have been!).

springdreams

I would have been livid ...

Could he not tell the 16 year old girl that when he got home he discovered from you that your one is on the blink, and you actually need the new one?

aliasojo

meritaten wrote: »

He cannot do anything right - while you are the saint who is carrying a child who appears to be nothing more than a financial burden while you are playing the martyr over your unborn child. Harsh? well go back and just read YOUR posts - then look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is the same person who sounds such a bitter, twisted harpy on MSE.

I don't see a bitter, twisted harpy. I see someone who is fed up and upset.

'Playing the martyr over your unborn child'. Sorry Meritaten but I think that's unfair and not too nice tbh.

I guess that's the beauty of getting varied opinion though, a wide range of comment will be offered.

Only the OP will really know which bits apply.

pinkclouds

Emmzi wrote: »

It is entirely possible for him to be stupid AND you to be mean.

Without intending to wound (although I might be intentionally blunt), I feel the above post reflects my feelings the most. Personally, it wouldn't occur to me that a washing machine could be an easily sellable prize. I would think of it as a bulky, heavy, albatross cluttering my home so I would quite possibly have been drawn to the same swift conclusion as your husband. It's really just a "paper loss" - you haven't gained anything but neither have you lost anything. Tell hubby the real reason you're upset. Or the twenty tiny reasons that add up to one big reason. If you're "mean" and he's "stupid", perhaps you're also clever and he's also nice - so you can explain these things to him and he'll eventually understand. I'm quite a bit tired so I hope that comes across well. Good luck with the pregnancy - I hope your baby is safe and well. Sometimes it's hard to keep holding things together. You're allowed to be less than 100 percent sometimes. Honestly.

coolcait

pinkclouds wrote: »

Without intending to wound (although I might be intentionally blunt), I feel the above post reflects my feelings the most. Personally, it wouldn't occur to me that a washing machine could be an easily sellable prize. I would think of it as a bulky, heavy, albatross cluttering my home so I would quite possibly have been drawn to the same swift conclusion as your husband. It's really just a "paper loss" - you haven't gained anything but neither have you lost anything. Tell hubby the real reason you're upset. Or the twenty tiny reasons that add up to one big reason. If you're "mean" and he's "stupid", perhaps you're also clever and he's also nice - so you can explain these things to him and he'll eventually understand. I'm quite a bit tired so I hope that comes across well. Good luck with the pregnancy - I hope your baby is safe and well. Sometimes it's hard to keep holding things together. You're allowed to be less than 100 percent sometimes. Honestly.

I think this sums it up for me too.

There's also an "MSE world" and "real world" issue going on with this, I think.

In the "MSE world", anything can be a source of saving, or of funding. In that world, a raffle win is not just a raffle win. It is also something which could potentially be sold, generating funds for paying off debts or buying things which are needed.

In the "real world" a raffle win is a stroke of luck. If you buy a fiver's worth of tickets, or a tenner's worth of tickets, and you win something which you want or need, then you are extraordinarily lucky.

You're expected to celebrate every win as if it was something which you really wanted or really needed. There's an underlying expectation that if you win a lot of prizes, well, maybe you should jovially wave some of them away, crying "put it back in, and draw again".

In the "real world", the idea of selling the washer-drier to the pregnant teenager would probably look like profiteering. You've only spent a fiver or a tenner to get the machine. But you want someone else to give you fifty quid or more for it...

I think that could certainly lead to people considering you "mean", or "mean spirited".

All that said, it is quite clear that the washer-drier is just the presenting problem here. The real issues are far more complicated, and run far deeper.

I hope you can find some help in dealing with those issues.

*max*

meritaten wrote: »

Mishka - Ive gone back and read this thread over again - and what comes through to me is that you dont have a good word for your OH! not one! I feel sorry for you and what you have gone through - and just as sorry for your OH. He cannot do anything right - while you are the saint who is carrying a child who appears to be nothing more than a financial burden while you are playing the martyr over your unborn child. Harsh? well go back and just read YOUR posts - then look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is the same person who sounds such a bitter, twisted harpy on MSE.
Yes, I am being Horrible and Harsh! you need someone to be, because quite frankly, if you were MY daughter you would be getting exactly the same lecture!
After all these days your poor OH is still in doghouse and YOU are still in the same state of 'righteous fury' - especially with all these people on here egging you on. Grow up dear - you are not married to a 'wicked abusive man' not like some poor sods on here! count your blessings or you WON'T have any left!

!!!!!!? Seriously? You know what... I'm pretty sure she is very, very glad she isn't your daughter if you would speak to her like that when she's down and having a bit of a vent about her OH. I certainly am! I'm actually lost for words.

mishkanorman

meritaten wrote: »

Mishka - Ive gone back and read this thread over again - and what comes through to me is that you dont have a good word for your OH! not one! I feel sorry for you and what you have gone through - and just as sorry for your OH. He cannot do anything right - while you are the saint who is carrying a child who appears to be nothing more than a financial burden while you are playing the martyr over your unborn child. Harsh? well go back and just read YOUR posts - then look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is the same person who sounds such a bitter, twisted harpy on MSE.
Yes, I am being Horrible and Harsh! you need someone to be, because quite frankly, if you were MY daughter you would be getting exactly the same lecture!
After all these days your poor OH is still in doghouse and YOU are still in the same state of 'righteous fury' - especially with all these people on here egging you on. Grow up dear - you are not married to a 'wicked abusive man' not like some poor sods on here! count your blessings or you WON'T have any left!

You've gone back over this thread again to start an argument more like,

A standard over-dramatic post from you, making stuff up to suit your vicious attack as it pleases you, quite pathetic really and taking digs at our un-born child is just low.


As Max guessed THANK GOD my mother isnt so judgemental and was able to see our disagreement for what it was, if you had said any of that to me in real life you would have been picking yourself out of the dirt.

mishkanorman

pinkclouds wrote: »

Without intending to wound (although I might be intentionally blunt), I feel the above post reflects my feelings the most. Personally, it wouldn't occur to me that a washing machine could be an easily sellable prize. I would think of it as a bulky, heavy, albatross cluttering my home so I would quite possibly have been drawn to the same swift conclusion as your husband. It's really just a "paper loss" - you haven't gained anything but neither have you lost anything. Tell hubby the real reason you're upset. Or the twenty tiny reasons that add up to one big reason. If you're "mean" and he's "stupid", perhaps you're also clever and he's also nice - so you can explain these things to him and he'll eventually understand. I'm quite a bit tired so I hope that comes across well. Good luck with the pregnancy - I hope your baby is safe and well. Sometimes it's hard to keep holding things together. You're allowed to be less than 100 percent sometimes. Honestly.

Apparently not on this site :rotfl: we must all be perfect here !

Your post sums it up nicely for me too, sadly its not all that clear cut but from an outsiders point of view thats as close as you can be !

Sambucus_Nigra

Where is this washing machine now?

Can he just pick it up and if asked say that he doesn't remember telling her she can have it, it must have been the alcohol and the missus would have his nuts on a plate if she found out he'd given the thing away as she is planning on installing it next weekend, sorry!