Is my OH stupid or am I mean ???

C_Mababejive

I think hes stupid.

perhaps he had his beer goggles on at the time ?

The first priority is NO 1 i.e you and yours.

The 16 year old girl has other people to look after her such as;

The state
Her parents
The guy who knocked her up


Get in there and get that washer back.

Its worth £££££

mishkanorman

burnoutbabe wrote: »

but the scenario is more

you win a washer dryer, do you think hurrah and tell your wife OR

wrack your minds as to a deserving person to give it to, right at that point?

If she wasn't even there, why suggest she gets it? Wouldn't most people be a bit embarassed as to the suggestion "well you are clearly poor, you have my new gift" and would say no (or shouldn't you check at home first).

course if you are sat there and everyone says "oh you should give it to the poor pregnant 16 year old", you are abit guilted into saying yes, which is just as bad but at least if the husband had said that, it would be more forgivable, if very weak of him.

She was there.

System

mishkanorman wrote: »

She was there.

Oh dear .

My husband gave a car away once. It was taxed, Mot'd and he couldnt be bothered to sell it. He still cant, he trades them in.

RadoJo

If it was this instance then I would say that your husband may have been a bit thoughtless, but wasn't necessarily guilty of anything worse than that. However, clearly there is more to it, including a general lack of commitment to you and the baby (as evidenced by the fact that you seem to consider yourself to be alone when it comes to providing for your impending arrival), in which case there is obviously something deeper and more upsetting going on in your relationship. It sounds like the washer is the straw that broke the camel's back rather than an issue in its own right, but you cannot address the wider issues in the context of this most recent event.
Having said that, you seem to have been tacitly accepting, even allowing this behaviour - you say he didn't contribute to the things your older children needed, yet you are having another baby on the same terms, so you have sent the message that you are happy with the set-up as it is. If you really want things to change, then you need to make it clear to him that you are no longer prepared to accept the status quo, which won't be easy because you are asking him to contribute more than he has got away with in the past so he will probably be resistant, and because you are already stressed about your recent bereavement and the worries over your current pregnancy, he might (as some posters on here have) write your feelings off as a result of being hormonal and irrational.
If you can explain your reaction to his recent actions in terms of your general dissatisfaction at the fact that he seems to lack concern for your feelings, then it might help him understand that you aren't just jealous or unsympathetic, but that it's symptomatic of a general feeling that he could be making more effort with his own family. The fact that he clearly can demonstrate this generosity towards others just seems to have highlighted the fact that he is capable of it, and you would like to see more of that directed at you and your family.

andygb

C_Mababejive wrote: »

I think hes stupid.

perhaps he had his beer goggles on at the time ?

The first priority is NO 1 i.e you and yours.

The 16 year old girl has other people to look after her such as;

The state
Her parents
The guy who knocked her up


Get in there and get that washer back.

Its worth £££££

I totally agree, charity begins at home. My missus would probably make me sleep in the garage - deservedly so - if I did something like that.

shellsuit

Just asked my husband and he said he would keep it and flog it for some baby items (if we were in the same situ as the OP), or we'd keep it, and sell ours, so that we've got a washer and a tumble drier.

He said if he won one in our situation now, he'd still keep it and flog it.

He also asked why can't her bloke buy a washing machine if he's working, and if they don't have a machine now, what do they wash their clothes with (which was my first thought too)?

DaisyFlower

I think it was quite sweet to offer it considering you already had the item. I wouldnt have even thought twice about it if my husband did this.

If you have a third child on the way then finances cant actually be that tight if you planned to expand the family again and can both afford nights out gambling (raffle/slots).

mishkanorman

i think they are living at her parents house, with him going back home to his parents every once in a while.

What they were intending to do about a washing machine ive no clue.

mishkanorman

DaisyFlower wrote: »

I think it was quite sweet to offer it considering you already had the item. I wouldnt have even thought twice about it if my husband did this.

If you have a third child on the way then finances cant actually be that tight if you planned to expand the family again and can both afford nights out gambling (raffle/slots).

Thats a huge assumption to make !

I won my money on the fruit machine after I had finished a nights work there BEFORE i was expecting again, there is a massive difference to a few quid in a fruity once in a while and being in the position to give away several hundred pounds worth of goods !

shellsuit

mishkanorman wrote: »

i think they are living at her parents house, with him going back home to his parents every once in a while.

What they were intending to do about a washing machine ive no clue.

So they don't even have anywhere to house the thing?

I don't know what else to say, apart from if it were my husband, I'd ask him to tell her we're keeping the machine after all to fund some items for OUR baby, which is more important than anyone elses.

If that makes me a mean old miser, I couldn't give a fig