Is my OH stupid or am I mean ???

Teenie_D

meritaten wrote: »

I feel sorry for you and what you have gone through - and just as sorry for your OH. He cannot do anything right - while you are the saint who is carrying a child who appears to be nothing more than a financial burden while you are playing the martyr over your unborn child.

Wow you certainly don't sound like you are sorry for what she has gone through, what a horrible thing to say!

OP I understand why you are annoyed I would be furious too, he really should have talked it over with you first and then you could have both decided. I asked my DH what he would have done if he had one a washer/drier and he said he would have been over the moon and sold it to get things we needed.

Yes it was a very kind gesture but I wonder if the posters saying that you should be so proud of him and can't understand your annoyance/hurt would feel the same if they were in your position?!

I hope you have sorted it all out now, as far as you and the family are concerned it was a thoughtless thing to do but you can't do anything about it now. I do think you need to have a good talk about the underlying issues though, as that is obviously the real problem here. I too wish sometimes that my DH would just instinctively know how I was feeling but they need to be told sometimes, just like we don't always know how they are feeling

All the very best with your pregnancy

Mr_Thrifty

So, this girl he works with... does she have big knockers? Heh... maybe his gift was less than altruistic.

pendulum

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Can he just pick it up and if asked say that he doesn't remember telling her she can have it,

Why are you encouraging him to be dishonest by lying?
Do you not realise this may also cause him a problem at work?
Not to mention a problem in the relationship, as he will feel undermined if she gets her own way, or it will cause a big argument if she doesn't and he says "Look, I WEAR the trousers here, if I win something and want to give it away then I WILL!" (which, by the way, is exactly what I'd say).

Sambucus_Nigra

pendulum wrote: »

Why are you encouraging him to be dishonest by lying?
Do you not realise this may also cause him a problem at work?
Not to mention a problem in the relationship, as he will feel undermined if she gets her own way, or it will cause a big argument if she doesn't and he says "Look, I WEAR the trousers here, if I win something and want to give it away then I WILL!" (which, by the way, is exactly what I'd say).

Probably better to lie than to end up divorced. And if you need to shout that you wear the trousers rather than negotiate with any partner then good luck to her.

pendulum

Where has she said she'll divorce him if he doesn't lie?
You've invented that to try and improve your argument.

You've also repeated the idea that CAPS mean shouting - a common myth online. CAPS can be used for emphasis, which does not necessarily mean shouting. I would say those words firmly, perhaps even in a raised voice if we were arguing, but never shout them.

Hopefully you've learnt something.

Sambucus_Nigra

pendulum wrote: »

Where has she said she'll divorce him if he doesn't lie?
You've invented that to try and improve your argument.

You've also repeated the idea that CAPS mean shouting - a common myth online. CAPS can be used for emphasis, which does not necessarily mean shouting. I would say those words firmly, perhaps even in a raised voice if we were arguing, but never shout them.

Hopefully you've learnt something.

I'm not being funny - but I wasn't actually talking to you - I couldn't give a hoot about you or your method of controlling your potential girlfriend.

Thanks for your input though - I'm sure someone somewhere found it fascinating.

pendulum

What do you mean you weren't talking to me. You quoted my post and directly responded to it...

CH27

Why do so many threads have to descend to bickering?

Sambucus_Nigra

pendulum wrote: »

What do you mean you weren't talking to me. You quoted my post and directly responded to it...

My original post was not to you - it was to the OP. Thanks for your input anyway.

Morganarla

Having been pregnant at 17, with no support from my then partner, my parents, or the state (complex reasons unique to my situation as to why we were not entitled to anything) - I would have been SO grateful if someone had done what the OP's DH has done.

In fact, someone I worked with gave me a whole bag of baby clothes and blankets when I confided in her that I was pregnant - she had them all up on ebay and would've made a pretty packet if they had all sold. She also promised me her newborn pram for when the baby was born. She had three kiddies under 5 at the time, and was struggling as well - if she'd sold all those items, her life would certainly been easier for a short while! But she realized that I needed it more - as she said, she'd been there and done it all before and would manage as she always had done. I've never forgotten her kindness, even though the little baby she was so generous to never made it into this world. I still have them all, 7 years and another miscarriage later. Hoping to have a little one to actually wear them soon.

If my Dan did what the OP's DH has done.. I admit, I'd be frustrated at first, for the same reasons as the OP. But I'd remember the woman who'd done the same for me, and then I'd be so very proud of him for doing the same. I'm older and wiser now than I was during my first pregnancy, and although a cash injection would be valuable, we'd cope without it, especially with the opportunity to save/sell stuff before baby's birth.

OP - your DH hasn't commited a henious crime. Life is far too short to be falling out over things like this. If you haven't already made up, tell him how it made you feel, ask him to please consult with you before doing this kind of thing, but please - from one who's been on the receiving end of the generosity, don't be too hard on him. Whatever his reasons for doing it, he's probably made that young girls life a little easier. And she probably won't ever forget it either.

Get past it, move on, count your blessings and look forward to your future.