My eldest has changed his xmas list

victory

.........................

victory

.....................

barbiedoll

I don't want to encourage you to pander to his whims but you don't have to spend a fortune on a laptop. How much were you putting away for driving lessons and clothes? Speak to him and tell him that if he really wants a laptop, you and OH will give him money towards one BUT...it won't be brand new, it will be second-hand. And he will have to forgo the new clothes and driving lessons.

I'm sure that he had his nose well and truly put out of joint when your youngest arrived and it sounds like he has never got over it. You possibly and unintentionally spoiled him at the time, so that he wouldn't feel left out etc etc and he's just been taking advantage ever since. You're not the first mum to be treated like this and you won't be the last! :mad:

Anyway....to laptops. I've just bought a second-hand one from ebay, for my DS. It was a high-spec model and the seller reconditions them and gives a 3 month warranty too (unusual for laptops!) The batteries can be replaced for less than £30, so if it does conk out after a few months, your son can get a new one cheaply enough. If you want a link to the seller, PM me and I'll send it to you. It cost us less than £150, but DS will be told that he won't be getting much for his (January) birthday, we're on a tight budget too! If that's more than you budgeted for, then he will have to make up the shortfall.

Christmas..............it's enough to make you want to be an atheist! :mad::mad:

Sambucus_Nigra

victory wrote: »

You mean for him to buy it?

No.

Course not.

Why would you do such a thing?

[Oh - sorry, yes, that is exactly what I meant. If he wants one, buy one. Very very simple economics. He is an adult now, so reduce spend on him, and start treating him like an adult not a temper tantrum 4yr old].

lostinrates

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Does he? Well then this Christmas, how about volunteering him to work in a soup kitchen and perhaps he'll learn another meaning to it

Victory, how about this suggestion? If one parent and he volunteer to help through the day/afternoon before coming home to be grateful to the parent ho can cook christmas meal for your supper.

Its something valuable, you couldn't give him a better gift longterm.

duchy

Why is he more important than the other members of your family Vic ?

Don't THEY deserve a nice Christmas day with a happy relaxed Vic there rather than a walking on eggshells one waiting for him to kick off ? What are THEIR memories of their childhood/teenage Christmases going to be ? Is this really what you want ?

victory

.......................

victory

....................

elsien

Re what happens on Christmas day, can't you say to him that yes of course you'd prefer him to be at home and everyone have a nice relaxed family Christmas as you planned when you first did the prezzie list together. But if he feels unable to do that without sulking over the laptop that he's not getting then perhaps he needs to think about how he can manage things so that you all have a good day. Even if that means that he chooses to go to gf's house.
That way you're letting him know that you'll not stand for him spoiling things for everyone else but you're still telling him you want him around and putting the ball in his court to be responsible for his own decisions. And he won't be able to go around being resentful and telling everyone you refused to let him have Christmas at home.

dirtysexymonkey

throw him out. for his own good.

i wont even go into the issue of why you dont want to treat your children equally or '50:50' as you call it, even though i suspect that is at the heart of your sons various issues.

for every thread you make victory, you dont do anything to change your situation. until your ready to do that, your just going to stay in the same situation and keep posting every detail on here.

id be wary of heaping all the blame onto him given what youve posted about in the past. i dont think you understand just how unfair you have admitted to being to him, which probably fuels his behaviour. for example when his employer didnt pay him for a week because of a mistake, you wouldnt let your oh lend him the money to treat his gf for their anniversary despite the fact he would pay the money back the minute he got it.

i also think its very telling that you dont want him to spend xmas with his gfs family because your scared he might enjoy it and you dont want him to do that. you dont want him to leave and so you allow and condone his behaviour and he has no consequences for his actions. can you blame him for trying it on when youve never put your foot down?

you and your oh are the cause of this - you need to put a stop to it, not expect your son to just magically grow up overnight without very little guidance.