My eldest has changed his xmas list

Sambucus_Nigra

victory wrote: »

He has a job, he has income, he spends it, he gets what he wants a laptop is not within his budget so he passes it over to his parents

So pass it back.

ie

BE the parent!

victory

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victory

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duchy

Ain't that the truth !
Look Vic I know I sound like I'm been hard on you but my brother was very much like your son (the bit about how different he is with the GF's family too ) so I *do* understand and yes making a stand is going to be hard and he may sulk because you're not playing his game anymore but he'll get over it. You can still love your son but not like his behavour-what do they say "Love the sinner not the sin".

Caroline_a wrote: »

To be honest, Vic, you're never going to win any of these battles, so you may as well make your stance now. If you (somehow) did get him a laptop, you know it would be too big/too small/wrong make/wrong model/too slow/wrong colour... etc etc etc! Christmas lists are to give people ideas... not a god-given right! Mine has a new car on it :rotfl:, some designer clothes that magically make me into a size 10, and a house that cleans itself! If he takes himself off to his girlfriends on Christmas Day then so be it! You will have a lovely peaceful Christmas with the rest of the family, and he will look an idiot whether he realises it or not in front of the gf's family!

Don't enter into any more 'I want' discussions, just say nothing.

victory

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

So pass it back.

ie

BE the parent!

You mean for him to buy it?

Lotus-eater

victory wrote: »

Thanks, I am not scared of him not loving me as a mum, more about doing the right thing by him in these troubled times, as many people say it will blow over so I feel maybe I should put my head on and plough on until it does with the relationship more or less unscathed so he has beautiful happy memories of his childhood/teenager years rather than constant atmospheres.

Pride never thought of that one, he feels strongly that xmas is for opening the purse and enabling dreams to come true ie his, his being a luxury item a laptop, we should buy/provide/enable/give generously.

What troubled times? FGS He lives probably rent free in a nice house with his GF, comes home whenever he wants, probably to get stuff done and to sound off.
He's got a job, money. Sounds like the life of Reilly to me.

He's a spoilt brat and the sooner you see that and stop making excuses for him, the sooner he may have a mum that properly guides him through life.

BitterAndTwisted

victory wrote: »

It is catch 22 he feels that I have not done right by him and I feel that he is a demanding spoilt over the top xmas list difficult boy sorry man to please, whatever I do gets washed over now, whatever presents he gets now he won't value them because they are not what he asked for a laptop

Your feelings are absolutely correct if his behaviour is precisely the way you describe it.

The VERY NEXT TIME this bloody lap-top is mentioned I would take his effing presents out in the garden and set fire them in front of him.

It sounds like you've been trying to placate him for a very long time. No more placating. No more "sorry we can't give you what you think you deserve". As long as you placate you are giving him the tiniest chink of hope that you can and will change your minds.

Stand firm or tell him to sling his hook.

victory

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Caroline_a

victory wrote: »

I do hope so but can I this xmas take that risk?

Can you imagine how I will feel on xmas day if he is not here?

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

This is where he is blackmailing you! His argument is gimme or I walk. The more you give in to him, the more he will ask for, you will never win. So you have to call his bluff I'm afraid. He's basically bullying you!

nickyhutch

What is he buying you for Christmas?