My eldest has changed his xmas list

victory

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badmumof1

victory wrote: »

Yes hit the nail yes save him, I want him to have a better life, a real honest workman's life, that gets and enjoys through hard graft, that appreciated and values and realises that it all comes to those who put in, not demand no.

He is 18 does he work?

aliasojo

victory wrote: »

I posted my first reply this morning and got a massive negative mixture of opinions that barely one agreed with me for the cause of action, for thewrong and rights, it all got slammed again, it all got taken out of context and dissected and destroyed and no you should not do this, do that, this is not just this moment, this post, this instance, now, this is the long term, a mother and a son, a relationship and what it will do to the future, I don't have mine I want him to have his.

I find your reactions a bit strange tbh.

You posted this morning about how you were going to talk to him again and we all told you 'no, leave it alone'.

You see that as getting slammed, we see that as offering advice. You continually post about his bad points and we answer by giving you alternative views.

I think your interpretation of things is generally quite negative.

I do understand that threads on here can become quite unfair and antsy but honestly victory, I don't think this is one of them.

Most of us are genuinely trying to help but we feel we aren't getting through. :undecided

victory

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Sambucus_Nigra

aliasojo wrote: »

I find your reactions a bit strange tbh.

You posted this morning about how you were going to talk to him again and we all told you 'no, leave it alone'.

You see that as getting slammed, we see that as offering advice. You continually post about his bad points and we answer by giving you alternative views.

I think your interpretation of things is generally quite negative.

I do understand that threads on here can become quite unfair and antsy but honestly victory, I don't think this is one of them.

Most of us are genuinely trying to help but we feel we aren't getting through. :undecided

And this reaction is mirrored in the way you seem to respond to him.

Just a thought.

Crisp_£_note

Firstly I dont know the 'history of posts about you and your son' if there are any any so can just see a taster of it from this 1 thread. Secondly sorry I havent read the full post as coulldnt keep up but a few comments ......

victory wrote: »

I told him yesterday, I said to google some and see about making a plan of payment, I said to him to wait for the sales, more for your money, I asked him why he did not ask me sooner as now would be impossible, I asked him why would he have one and no one in this household has one, he said for uni next year so I said maybe next year and he said xmas is being given things you never get the rest of the year

Tell him next year is a long time away and laptops will have changed what with the advances in technology. If he puts xx amount aside each week or month now he will be able to buy his own by then as his savings will have matured.

kjmtidea wrote: »

I'd buy him a toy laptop and then dash it at his head. Why on earth does he think it is acceptable to behave like this?!

Buy them both a toy laptop. Preferably one that educates in money and politeness!

Give both children £10 and tell them to spend it wisely. Tell them to try poundland where they can get 10 items! Its treating them fairly. Alternatively you can take it one level higher and say you can spend £xx on THEM this year and then split it between the two so they get £half each. Again thats treating them 50/50 fairly.

duchy wrote: »

Good grief Victory
When I started reading the thread I assumed your son was about fourteen from your description of his behaviour My jaw dropped when you said he is an adult.

If he's going to whine and biatch Christmas day -then uninvite him .
To say he's only coming because you are so needy is insulting -and really what are you going to miss if he doesn't come ? It's not like he has nowhere else to go.

OK you've probably given in to him over and over before so the transition of child to adult is going to come as a shock to him and he won't like it-but you'll be doing you-and him-a favour.

Why not just tell him plans have changed and he's invited for tea (and secretly give his presents to his GF so he can open them Christmas morning at her parents.)

Might be hard to do but it'll make for nicer future Christmases and if you let him get away with it THIS Christmas-what stunt will he pull NEXT Christmas ????????

(BTW what does his GF make of all this -at that age if a BF of mine had acted like that he'd have found himself sooooo dumped-and fast !)

I agree here he is now 18 and the transition between child and adult is upon him this means that Christmas traditions change and if he doesnt like the childishness of Santa and advent calendars then its time he grew up and saw the parent side of reality.

Im 40 in a few weeks and I still like to beleive in Father Christmas and got really upset when an advent calendar didnt arrive down the chimney or in the post this year (every other year so far it has) if I had known there was a freebie I would have gone out and got it. Given any chocs to hubby its the surprise that makes Christmas for me! Its about giving not receiving but to give someone has to receive.

So your son is 18 and he wants for things he wouldnt get the rest of the year through? I would tell him he can go round his girlfriends Christmas Eve as you wont feed him dinner, wont do his laundry, wont put up with his strops, wont care for his snivels, snide remarks or childishnes, this year you are devoting your Christmas day to yourself your husband and the youngster...... after all he gets all the attention the rest of the year doesnt he give him that change he wants so badly and dont give it to him for the festive period. Alternatively give him a volunteering position Christmas week with the homeless shelter so he can see just how lucky he already is .... maybe then next year he will think twice! ?

Sorry to sound so harsh but it really wound me up to read your post you deserve better you are the home owner he is the 'lodger' when he get his own house maybe he can make the rules?? I was going to say you are the adult and he is the child but now he is 18 .......?! Whatever happend to respecting the elders.


Anyhow whatever happens I hope you all have a happy Christmas and a good new year:A :santa2::xmassign::xmastree::beer:

victory

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Bumpmakesfour

victory wrote: »

Yes hit the nail yes save him, I want him to have a better life, a real honest workman's life, that gets and enjoys through hard graft, that appreciated and values and realises that it all comes to those who put in, not demand no.

Thing is though...you are too emotional right now to see that the best way to actually "save" him is to literally tell him straight.No laptop,no nothing..take your ungrateful !!!!! and that attitude problem wherever you like on christmas day because right now it's not welcome here..or something along those lines(sorry pregnancy ranting hormones:o)

victory

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aliasojo

victory wrote: »

I was told I was over reacting that I should leave it, that I am building to another fight, that I am making waves, that I am goading it, that I am wrong, he has good points posted them too, I was originally having a point and posters make it indecisive again.

Negative to his actions and reactions yes there cannot be put positive when they have been so ingrained?

It happens we sometimes feel we aren't getting through?

victory wrote: »

To me this thread was about seeking actual real live help and for there to be some kind of solution, if I come up with one, everyone posts they don't like that one and so?

Yes you were told to leave it because you were just about to repeat the same pattern of behaviour that you always do. You were about to poke him with that stick again.

I meant negative generally victory, not just as a reaction to him. You seem negative to us too, when making your replies. (Negative isn't the same as argumentative, it's just a way of thought.)

Yes, you can react in a more positive manner. It will be difficult to do (when you are secretly screaming at him inside your head) but you can do it. It will be hard to break the habits of a life time but nothing good ever comes easy.