My eldest has changed his xmas list

~Chameleon~

victory wrote: »

He would say no, he would say he has never got anything, I have never done anything for him, he has to pay for everything himself, that I never went the extra mile for him, that he has always been disappointed, that everyone has and he has always been the has nots, I wanted the food mixer sure I idid that does not make me a bad person, no I did not get it, yes I put the stuff on ebay and have bought with the money my youngest some things and my OH that is the way it should be should it not?

And nothing for your eldest? I'm beginning to see a pattern here which may go a long way to explaining his behaviour. I'm afraid I think you need professional help to sort this out, it's way beyond any of us here, not that you're listening anyway!

aliasojo

victory wrote: »

To me it is not to him it is, he wants material, he wanted USA , he wanted the latest shoes, he wants laptop, he wants to go abroad next year, he wants a gap year, he wants money for this gadget and these clothes and all the material things he feels deprived of and his friends have

You and he are so very similar but you just can't see it.

He wants 'stuff', you want 'stuff' (your 'stuff' isn't material, but you want things nonetheless, like him there in xmas day, him to think or behave in a certain way etc). You both lock horns like rutting stags.

You can't seem to see past the surface problems and look deeper. It all comes down to how you see his actions.

No-one here is trying to say he's blameless. We all think he's acting like a little git BUT most of us are also saying that you take a bad situation and make it worse (by the way you deal with things).

Unless you stop focusing on how bad he is, and start thinking about your part in all this, you haven't got a hope of changing anything.

And judging by the way you want to handle it from here on in (by raising the matter again and telling him he can go to g/f's if he wants etc) then you really aren't fully taking on board what people here are advising.

victory

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victory

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badmumof1

not read whole thread but can i just ask how old he is

aliasojo

He's 18......

victory

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Katinkka

Netbooks are much cheaper. Mine was about £200 and it wasn't the cheapest. Maybe he could have one of those? Or you could get one second hand from ebay or wherever. I could easily get a computer set up with that budget. Check preloved, loot, gumtree etc. Tell him it won't be new. Everyone in my house has a computer down to my six year old. Most of which are old hand me downs. I have the best ones.

victory

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badmumof1

OMG just read random pages and OMG are you being serious on all of this as trolloloing comes to mind or you are one serious !!!!ed up family.
NO WAY would i let any of my lot dictate to me and that included all those who we have fostered through our doors who HAVE lived a terrible life.
SPOILT SPOILT SPOILT end of and Im afriad you have made your son the way he is and no amount of posting on here or advice that is given will help unless you listen and help yourself. The more you post random threads on here the less time you are spending on resolving the situation with him especially when you will not listen to people who are trying to help you.