My eldest has changed his xmas list

neverdespairgirl

victory wrote: »

I am not disgusted by him no I feel loads of different things for him, frustration, despair, anger, love, why? there is a lot there a lot should I turn my back on him just because he has a voice, because he witters on, because he is misbehaving, because he makes it so difficult to get through to him? PHEW

Of course you love him - it would all be so much easier if he was a random stroppy 18 year old, you wouldn't give a toss.

It's a hard situation for you, OP.

JB1971

I'm honestly lost for words! You've spent over 10 hours (which by the way you will never get back!) on something which is an absolute 'no brainer'!
He wants a laptop, and you can't afford it - end of story!
You have made this situation extremely stressful for yourself (not him - you can bet your life he hasn't wasted 10 hours on the subject!)
It's quite obvious that your problems with your eldest run much deeper than this Christmas present dilemma, but you really need to take a step back (deep breaths) and ask yourself - is it really worth all of the stress? Learn to say 'no' and mean it - you'll feel better for it!

Sambucus_Nigra

victory wrote: »

Dilemna I had none until he moved the goal posts it was all going swimmingly until then:D

And your reaction should have been 'you can have the cash and put it towards whatever you want dear'. Or even 'we'll have to see what Santa brings, won't we?'

All this nonsense tooing and froing - 400-odd posts and nothing has changed. Has it?

All it is doing is showing him that he's in charge and is holding you to ransom. As I said earlier, what needs to change is your reaction to these things.

victory

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victory

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Sambucus_Nigra

victory wrote: »

Morning:D have not slept much thinking, not seen him to say anything but am going to be brave or stupid and ask him if he feels so hard done by and strongly would he not be better off at his gf.

I know by now he will back down and mutter and moan that he did not mean the threat that it was taken out of context that he wants to be here that he said what he said in the heat of it all etc etc.

There is no easy fix, putting a plaster over it for now makes it come back, everytime I think it has gone away, it comes back.

I am to blame for lack of consistency, do not react properly to it, we rub each other up the wrong way and I should handle it better.

I am not to blame for not able to get what h wants, not meeting his demands, not seeing to his gadgets .

I have to and will handle it better, rod for my own back, you get what you put it all of that take on board.

I still do not want him to be away on xmas day, that does not make me a bad parent, a control freak, a needy mum or an emotional unstable person, it makes me a loving mum that wants us to be together, no harm in that.

He will be told he has to 'get into the spirit of xmas' otherwise yes I can see there is no point him being here.

I will try my utter upmost to keep it together and not tell him to leave, I feel that would be very detrimental.

NO VICTORY NO

Just leave it - and respond appropriately if it comes up again.

See - you are spoiling for a fight and will probably get it.

LET IT GO. Prepare your response if he asks again and don't bring it up with him yourself.

aliasojo

victory wrote: »

I find it really hard to see that he chooses to be as he is.....

That's because you are thinking like a reasonable adult and he is still a stroppy teen. It's like oil and water.

When he grows and matures you will both be on a much similar wavelength then.

aliasojo

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

NO VICTORY NO

Just leave it - and respond appropriately if it comes up again.

See - you are spoiling for a fight and will probably get it.

LET IT GO. Prepare your response if he asks again and don't bring it up with him yourself.

Definitely this victory.

victory

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sandraroffey

please stop letting him push and shove you around.

you cant afford a lap top but you are getting him to google some and find out how much they are. he now thinks you will be getting him a laptop!!!!!!!

he knows your situation but still keeps doing this - i saw the birthday postings as well - but just because he stands there and shouts and stamps and holds his breath, doesnt mean you have to do what he says.

be firm - dont turn it into a jokey type conversation!!!!! tell him 'this is it' and if it isnt good enough for you, young man, then you know what you can do. alternatively, get a job!!!!!!!!!!! the younger one will end up behaving the same way, because he is seeing his brother do this, getting what he wants, and that its normal to behave that way.

just who is in charge in your house?????