My eldest has changed his xmas list

Sambucus_Nigra

victory wrote: »

I keep trying to change his line of thought and he can't or won't and there lies the frustration and dilemmas

Ok. Once more.

You can't change his line of thought. You can only change your responses to situations.

aliasojo

victory wrote: »

I keep trying to change his line of thought and he can't or won't and there lies the frustration and dilemmas

Stop trying. You are setting yourself up for failure every time. You can't possibly change the way another person thinks.

All you can do is change the situation. Eventually that in itself will have an effect.

victory

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rachbc

victory wrote: »

I keep trying to change his line of thought and he can't or won't and there lies the frustration and dilemmas

You can't change anyone - the only thing you have control over is how you respond to him. If you respond consistently and calmly then eventually he may learn that you mean what you say and you can change the dynamics in how you interact.

victory

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victory

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~Chameleon~

victory wrote: »

He has a job. In charge? I am , OH is and then the mini whirlwind comes in, it is more to do with me feeling guilty I have let him down, more to do with not being able to provide for him, I see his face of disappointment as not his mother I can sympathise, I can relate to wanting or hoping but not demanding , I can relate to unfulfilled wishes or wants but can't get through demands still can't pay for them however much going on you do, I can see his other mates have it all as he says and he says he has nothing.

Has he ever, just once, had his dreams & wishes fulfilled? Have you ever gone that extra length to try & do this for him? Has he had a life filled with disappointment? Just wondering. You were prepared to sell stuff on Ebay to buy yourself that food mixer after all because it was something you wanted!

aliasojo

victory wrote: »

... it is more to do with me feeling guilty I have let him down, more to do with not being able to provide for him......

You are your own worst enemy.

Until you accept that this is NOT about material things, you will always have the same problems.

Sambucus_Nigra

victory wrote: »

We need the dynamics to change, it has to, I have to, I am going to ask him to pop home later and see what he says, I know it will be all pleasantries now as it has gone, the moment has gone but I am going to reiterate his options

How many more times?

If you want to change this then you need to stop trying to bait him.

victory

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