My eldest has changed his xmas list

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

He has a job. In charge? I am , OH is and then the mini whirlwind comes in, it is more to do with me feeling guilty I have let him down, more to do with not being able to provide for him, I see his face of disappointment as not his mother I can sympathise, I can relate to wanting or hoping but not demanding , I can relate to unfulfilled wishes or wants but can't get through demands still can't pay for them however much going on you do, I can see his other mates have it all as he says and he says he has nothing.

This seems to be at the heart of the problem - while you feel guilty, he will play on it.

Has he had a roof over his head, food to eat, clothes to wear? If so, you've provided for him. Luxuries are just that - inessential nice things to have but not necessary.

Get some help to stop feeling guilty and your reaction to his behaviour will change.

Also, stop thinking of him as a teenager as if he was still 13. He's a grown man!

aliasojo

victory wrote: »

....I am going to ask him to pop home later and see what he says, I know it will be all pleasantries now as it has gone, the moment has gone but I am going to reiterate his options

So you're ignoring the advice to leave alone at this time?

victory

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victory

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esmy

Last time for me too;

Don't discuss it any more - you have said your piece, he has said his. What on earth is the pint of raising it again?

Sambucus_Nigra

See you at the next rant thread Victory - I'm sure it won't be long. A week, a day?

victory

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victory

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victory

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Bumpmakesfour

victory wrote: »

I know I have to stop trying, I know it is me and not him, I know also it is him, he is not living in reality, we can't at the drop of a hat buy expensive items to please him, we can't indulge, I have to stop reacting so strongly to what he says, I know he will say he just said about xmas day because it was heated, I know he will keep asking and this will keep rising, I know I have to change, I always thought I was failing him, I think he fails himself in his expectations.

You feel like you failed him because you can't pander to his every whim??That is so sad:(
In reality though,even if you could afford it,why on earth WOULD you or SHOULD you buy him expensive items at the drop of a hat??His attitude stinks and he's lucky to be getting 1p never mind £100+ tbh because I know for sure if my son spoke to me in the way yours does to you he'd get zilch.
He needs to learn the value of actually earning things not just expecting them to be handed to him.He has a job but knocked back the idea of your contribution and him saving the rest??Well sod him then..how ungrateful!After his birthday dramas he created I'm surprised he's doing it all over again this christmas.Shows he's not learning any lessons hun so you need to turn it up a notch.
As for the "my friends have everything why not me" attitude?That drives me mad!I was at a private school where a lot of my friends had stacks of money,cars handed to them,designer clothes,endless allowances whereas I was from a far more modest home.I can NEVER remember putting my parents on a guilt trip because I didn't have the same kind of things,infact I worked from a really early age and my dad would sometimes match what I saved if it was for something bigger like driving lessons.Your son needs to ditch this "poor me" attitude and fast or he'll spend his whole life being disappointed.Unfortunately that lesson is going to fall to you as his mum and as hard as it may be to really stick to your guns and show him you will not be treated like this you have to do it,for your sanity aswell as his.