My eldest has changed his xmas list

thatgirlsam

victory wrote: »

Perfect xmas as explained not so much but to be with my kids well yes of course what mother would not want both her kids here if they could have? Many years to come without so enjoy the few that are left I say, manipulative well teenagers can be yes it is, sure he probably is, you use whichever tools are handy to you at the teenage age do you not?

I am not sure that I did or others did or my OH did ut this one does and yes if he stays not so great if he goes not so great happy xmas it is if you can make it and can we?

So is he saying that he won't come unless you buy him a laptop?

And you are considering buying him one??

More fool you

the_cat

victory wrote: »

No they are not and yes mostly ignore then it goes quiet all that has been said this time is just up again for thedemanding again

The trouble is without the consistency you are giving him false hope that it might work. You have admitted to caving in the past and he has every hope that you might again. That is why he starts up the demanding again - he isn't certain it won't work this time around

Calm consistency is the only way

victory

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meritaten

victory wrote: »

Loosing what? His temper? Seen it been there done it, his...?

Bullying me has been mentioned before yes, I feel it is over demanding, over reacting, over expecting and down comes the fall.

H e doesn't do fair, it never has been fair, he is demanding beyond means, has been, he just does not want to get it

Sorry Victory - but its YOU who isnt 'getting it'. You agree with people who say he is 'spoilt, overdemanding, bullying and then you angst over him! I feel you expected people on here to say 'oh, buy him the laptop if everyone else is having one'!
You make all sorts of excuses for him - you say one minute he is this or that - yet at NO point do you say 'Enough is Enough' - we cannot afford the bloody laptop and he is getting 'equivalent' to his poor younger sibling (who I feel sorry for btw - fancy having THAT to look up to)!

Victory, now you either see him as an adult - or indulge him like a six year old - on your own head be it!

victory

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Weird_Nev

Have we not sorted this yet? We're talking about an 18 year old !!!!!!, not an ill disciplined Dachshund!

Tell him his rent until 1st Feb is £400
Tell him that adults don't get Christmas presents, they buy them for others and tell them a fat bloke dropped them off.
Tell him that as of Feb 1st he'd better have a flat lined up, because he's evicted on that date!

OP and son need a massive reality check IMO.

thatgirlsam

victory wrote: »

No of course not not even contemplating buying him a laptop never said I would never, pressure and guilt, pressure from him I have to have what all my mates are having and guilt or maybe sadness for him on his behalf that i CANNOT provide what he wants other than boundless love and all thethings he has but cannot see past ££ signs, sure in the future he will appreciate it, he must do, I tried my best but for now for this xmas he is at the stage of I want and you don't give me so I will throw one.

He said if he was not to get a present of value there would be no point him being here and he might as well be with his gf, so yes he said that in the heat probably and it means nothing tomorrow, so yes he said that

Sorry but what a nasty little !!!! saying that to his mum!!

So let him go to his GF's.. he is being a complete fool and one day he will realise

You must be disgusted with him.. Do you really want him round just because he thinks he might get something of value??

Good grief

victory

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victory

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the_cat

The value of the item you have caved over is of no relevance.
He thinks this behaviour has an effect on you - because you have proved that it does, albeit on smaller things. Being a teenager his thought process will be, well if I kick up a bigger stink who knows, she might cave over a bigger item. Pushing the boundaries.

What negative thing happens when he behaves like this? What punishment/withdrawal of privilege? There has to be a negative to disuade him from trying it on, otherwise why shouldn't he just give it a try?