My eldest has changed his xmas list

victory

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Nelski

victory wrote: »

That is just it so do I more than words on here could ever say, it is not wrong to want a fab xmas day with your kids but one will most probably now not enjoy being here because he feels hard done by and mistreated and let down by his parents not meeting his demands and on the other hand the other option to ask him not to ruin our day and stay there is equally not family and will last more than that one day?

I wonder how many people actually get the perfect christmas they see on TV and think they should have - very few I reckon:D

When I was a teenager (back in the ice age) my dad taught me drive for my 17th birthday (no money for driving lessons in our house ) so after passing and in my infinite teen wisdom I asked for a car for christmas........they smiled then laughed hysterically then carried on with life :rotfl::rotfl: I think I got a hairdryer that year :D

Chill chuck hes trying his luck and winning

victory

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Nelski

victory wrote: »

Thanks I know chill over a lot of things, perfect xmas? Well this one is not going to be is it?

Well you just never know eh but it wont be if you dont

does he need a hairdryer???

victory

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Nelski

victory wrote: »

NO a laptop:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Get a hairdryer with wifi then....push the boat out :rotfl::rotfl: sorted

victory

Nelski wrote: »

Get a hairdryer with wifi then....push the boat out :rotfl::rotfl: sorted

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: oh you have to laugh because it is just so crazy:rotfl:

rachbc

victory wrote: »

That is just it so do I more than words on here could ever say, it is not wrong to want a fab xmas day with your kids but one will most probably now not enjoy being here because he feels hard done by and mistreated and let down by his parents not meeting his demands and on the other hand the other option to ask him not to ruin our day and stay there is equally not family and will last more than that one day?

but why does it have to be either of those things - you have already written him off and decided he's going to ruin your christmas with his sulking without him having a chance to prove otherwise. There are plenty of other options than your idealised christmas or chucking him out forever. You could say genuinely and heart felt -i would love you to be here at christmas, but understand that you might prefer to be a GF - no matter what you decide we love you'....you could say 'We'd love you to be here at christmas but all want a relaxed happy time - if you can' contribute to that then it might be best if you go to GF's- but we still love you' or 'It really matters to me that we are together at christmas and I'd really prefer if you didn't go to GF'

victory

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mountainofdebt

In a way, whilst I agree Christmas Day is just one day, I can understand why Victory is especially keen for this Christmas to be 'perfect'.

Assuming her eldest gets the grades, next year he will be off to Uni and then the family dynamics start to change to the point where he has permanently left home, having got a job and set up a home of his own.

I do agree with those who say that each child should have the same amount spend on them - even if that means that one child apparently has more than the other.

I also don't think its unusal for a child to act differently for other people; I can't imagine his girlfriend or her parents taking too kindly to him acting like a spolit brat.

What would I do ? Its a toughie but I think you have to make a stand - after all if he does to go to Uni will he expect you to give him the same financial help as his friends?

What I suggest you do is to give him the same amount of money as you're spending on your youngest - that way he can't throw it at you that you are favouring the youngest. If he does go into in a mega sulk then ignore him - hard I know but if that means you go for a long brisk walk then so be it.

My guess is that he's hardly going to go off and criticise your gift in front of his girl friend or her parents -he wouldn't want the mask to slip now would he?