My eldest has changed his xmas list

esmy

Victory I've stayed out of this till now though I have posted on your other threads about your son. This is more of the same, as other posters have said.

I get the impression from your posts that your relationship with your eldest is all about 'winning' some odd ongoing battle with each other. He will know full well that you don't have laptop-type money to spend but wants one all the same. You persist in prolonging the debates/rows about it instead of saying no and refusing to discuss it further. You choose to write up all his penalties for bad behaviour, he has no incentive to change as it seems the positives are not equally acknowledged. He ups the ante by saying he won't be around Xmas day, you are devastated and he will 'ruin' Xmas and therefore be responsible for the unhappiness of the whole family. He envies his wealthier mates, you envy his relationship with GFs parents (who you refer to as future in-laws?? Possibly a bit premature?)...... Can you not see how you feed all of this? The only way to stop it is for you to opt out of it. As long as you continue to respond by it all becoming a drama , it will just become background noise to him.

He isn't abnormal or unusual for a young man of his age. Many parents of teens (myself included) will recognise his behaviour and share some of your frustrations. In no way am I suggesting you don't let him know when his behaviour is unacceptable but you need to keep your boundaries clear and consistent and your responses to his poor behaviour as brief and to the point as possible. You'll make no headway until one of you decides that 'winning' in this situation isn't worth all the hassle.

Good Luck

Nelski

victory wrote: »

I know you have I have posted many times in your threads and initially you did not seem to have much bite back but you have now and I am pleased for you, you have taken a bashing, I know that, I have read it.

victory i hope it works out ok for you at christmas I really do but I do have to wonder why you posted. You say people have bashed you but actually a lot of people have given some really good advice. Did you just want support/hugs? if so you should have made that clear to everyone.

The problem with regularly posting your day to day issues is that people reading your threads start to see a trend and one that no matter how much advice from anyone is just ignored - your choice of course its your life but what actually is your question in this thread if there is one?

victory

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BEAR

I really feel for you but you have to stand up for yourself and break the cycle or he will be still the same years down the line demanding half your pension!

not allowed to post links I dont think but google "got a teenager" its a forum on the family lives website and may be of some use to you

victory

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