My eldest has changed his xmas list

Lotus-eater

victory wrote: »

Both.........................

:wall::wall::wall:

aliasojo wrote: »

What is your gut feeling about what to do victory?

I'm not sure this thread was of much help to you as you seem to have stayed in the middle and just posted about how one person says 'x' whilst another says 'y'.

There isn't a set 'right' answer but so far you don't seem to have picked up on any answer as maybe being helpful (other than the notice board thing which I'm glad you took on board).

It's difficult to know what the best thing is to do sometimes, but unlike the way you see the posts, my feeling is that the majority of people of people posting here are actually saying very similar things.

Almost everyone is saying the same thing. Start acting like a Mum and tell your son the correct way to act.

But it's like banging our heads against a brick wall. I don't know why you don't want to listen to the truth, but you want to keep your head in the sand. So be it, the next "my son has upset me again" thread, you are going to get a lot less posters.

victory

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CH27

victory wrote: »

Both.........................

Listen to me.
How can you expect your son to change without you showing him how?

You are the ONLY ONe who can break it.

victory

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victory

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victory

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aliasojo

victory wrote: »

But they are not are they some say...

......there is no similarites there just lots of different opinions andwhich one is assured working? I don't know and neither does anyone

As I said, there is no set right answer. Nothing is assured to work. If that's what you were looking for then you wont find it.

I don't agree with your interpretation of the replies. Obviously there will be some differing opinions. I do think the underlying advice is similar though.

We're going round in circles I think so I'll wish you well and leave you to it.

CH27

victory wrote: »

No, I did not make him demand a laptop as I did not make him have a very unrealistic demand for his 18th as I did not make him demand a trip to the USA paid for by us in the summer as I did not make him have envy and listen to his mates xmas list and drool at the mouth...

You've brought him up hun.

determined_new_ms

victory wrote: »

What exactly would you change?

god so much!

Being angry at them all the time, pointing out the things they were doing that were p!ssing me off. Trying to control their choices and make them to the "right" thing

Now I try to tell them a lot that I love them, admire them, how proud I am of them, but if I don't agree with a choice they are making tell them kindly. When they are acting like teenagers (which they are!) staying in the adult mode. When I make a decision that I have come to through careful consideration I tell them rather than entering into a discussion but allow them to express how they feel about it, but it doesn't change my position. Tell them I'm sorry they feel that way, but not try to make them feel better. I have tried to build a life that is about me rather than being focused solely on them, they are obviously a huge part of my life but my happiness does not depend on them. When they have a difficultly listen to them and ask them what THEY are going to do about it. If they want my help they need to think about it and ask me and deal with the fact that I may say no.

its true that teenagers need love when they deserve it least. These are just the things I am coming to realise through processing it all. I have played my part as you have too. But we can go forward and make life what we want it to be and if he sees a change in you that may effect a change in him

Sambucus_Nigra

victory wrote: »

No, I did not make him demand a laptop as I did not make him have a very unrealistic demand for his 18th as I did not make him demand a trip to the USA paid for by us in the summer as I did not make him have envy and listen to his mates xmas list and drool at the mouth...

It's how you react to these demands though that fuels the fire. I'd not have dreamed of saying this nonsense to my mum as I was brought up to be mindful of the work she did to keep a roof over our heads.

All you had to do was say 'I can't afford that but will give you the cash instead' and you would have saved yourself having to start another thread about your eldest. No arguments, no drama, if he rants then just say you can't afford it and be done with it.

You seem to be enjoying the drama because you then beat yourself up and act the martyr for having to put up with it just because you are petrified of him enjoying time with his gf's parents.