My eldest has changed his xmas list

determined_new_ms

Hi victory I haven't read the whole thread (but I will as it is so close to my own relationship with my dd) but I wanted to post this for you to read

http://ezinearticles.com/?Guilty-Parents-of-Troubled-Teens-and-Young-Adults&id=1984202

I struggle with both of my children's behaviour (they are 18 & 19) and I made my dd move out of home at 16 because she was so abusive to me. This has been really painful and difficult for me, but of course for her too. Our relationship is difficult but we are trying to work through it. In honesty I have to look at the role I have played in this & not let my guilt influence the rational decisions I make. In the end you will always have a relationship with your children & if you are prepared to look at the roles you both play out then it is likely that things will improve. But it is really important to not keep playing out the current role. your son needs to have respect for you and you need to demand it. Your relationship will not survive being treated badly and u allowing it. In truth he is after something other than monitory items but isn't able to understand & process it. Maybe in time he will be prepared to seek counselling but maybe he won't. You can't change him. But you can change your behaviours. there's a saying if you want a change you need to be the change. ou can have a good time at xmas which he is invited to but if he doesn't want to play ball that's his problem. Last year my dd didn't want to spend xmas with me, I was gutted but I had a lovely time with my oh & ds, didn't make a thing out of it and this year she is spending it with us. We all have choices, he does but so do you, stop buying into this BS his choice is to either enjoy xmas with you or not, you should choose to enjoy it regardless. I wish you all the best x

goblet_2

How is things when it isnt Birthdays, Christmas, and maybe Easter? Do things rub along nicely or is this a war all the time?

victory

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victory

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RAS

This thread is another complete waste of time, victory.

Bye

dirtysexymonkey

victory wrote: »

Sometimes we think this must be it, we did not inherite the need gene, the I want gene, don't get me wrong if I had the money sure like I have said I would go for an ipad or a laptop, maybe a better car or some holidays yes they would be lovely but that is what they are lovly thoughts not needs not demands not wants not I have to have's.

His happy with himself life is disrupted by his line of thinking

im not surprised you think that - it means you are not responsible in any way shape or form.

you humiliate your son and brag about it, and you tell everyone person reading that you prefer your younger son and spend more on him at xmas, and when your other compalins about the unequal treatment, you call him childish.

if you dont change your behaviour your only problem with your children will be that they cut you out of their life, and then a lonely christmas will be the least of your troubles.

i cant believe that you want that to happen, even if it gives you an excuse to post a thread about how sad you are, all 'woe is me'.

like RAS said you need to take a look at the narcissism thread before its too late and you lose all of them. your oh wont thank you for driving his children away either, so you may well find yourself completely alone.

victory

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victory

RAS wrote: »

This thread is another complete waste of time, victory.

Bye

Thanks bye was you I did not agree with and you have got the uff about?

dirtysexymonkey

victory wrote: »

Narcissism no idea what it is to be honest with you, googled and does not apply, labelling is not helpful, it is more about a teenager extra demanding and not getting.

My son does not make me happy does he though? If he made me happy or he with me why would he demand?

Damned if you do and don't again, if I would like him to be here narcissism, if I don't :eek: what kind of mother are you? You don't even want your son in the house with you on xmas day? You terrible person, how could you as many as say let him go as many say throw him out as many say enjoy xmas family together while you can damned if you do

If I started athread with 'I have thrown my son out on xmas day' everyone would be :eek::eek::eek:

victory i know full well that your reading this so pay careful attention - you cannot on the one hand say this is all about your son, and then later (in the same post no less) try and turn it into a situation all about you.

if you dont stop your behaviour you will lose. you will drive your children away (and the minute they have the means to leave believe me they will - youve already said as much) and then you will turn on your oh and he will leave and you will be alone.

no amount of 'woe is me' threads will comfort you then.

CH27

victory wrote: »

Both.....................

No! Only you can stop the cycle.