My eldest has changed his xmas list

goblet_2

victory wrote: »

Pretty much yes it is blows xmas birthdays presents demands money I want more than my friends type of thing but we make each other laugh and have a joke etc pretty much other time so yes high red trigger points money and presents yes

We know the triggers then. Christmas is one day, then its back to "normal" I hate that word lol.

Wrap the presents with all the love we know you have for both your Sons. Give then with a happy heart knowing you have done your best.

If your Son joins you for lunch be happy, if he doesnt be happy.

He is fit and well, and tomorrow is another day. You might have lost a battle but the war is there to be won.

Your Son will always be your Son. You can moan about him but woe betide if anyone else does. Us mums all feel the same if trueful. Most importantly just be there for him, when he is ready he will walk into your arms and say those magic words.

I Love you Mum xxx

aliasojo

What is your gut feeling about what to do victory?

I'm not sure this thread was of much help to you as you seem to have stayed in the middle and just posted about how one person says 'x' whilst another says 'y'.

There isn't a set 'right' answer but so far you don't seem to have picked up on any answer as maybe being helpful (other than the notice board thing which I'm glad you took on board).

It's difficult to know what the best thing is to do sometimes, but unlike the way you see the posts, my feeling is that the majority of people of people posting here are actually saying very similar things.

CH27

aliasojo wrote: »

What is your gut feeling about what to do victory?

I'm not sure this thread was of much help to you as you seem to have stayed in the middle and just posted about how one person says 'x' whilst another says 'y'.

There isn't a set 'right' answer but so far you don't seem to have picked up on any answer as maybe being helpful (other than the notice board thing which I'm glad you took on board).

It's difficult to know what the best thing is to do sometimes, but unlike the way you see the posts, my feeling is that the majority of people of people posting here are actually saying very similar things.

I agree with you.

victory

CH27 wrote: »

No! Only you can stop the cycle.

Both.........................

victory

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~Chameleon~

victory wrote: »

Damned if you do and don't again, if I would like him to be here narcissism, if I don't :eek: what kind of mother are you? You don't even want your son in the house with you on xmas day? You terrible person, how could you as many as say let him go as many say throw him out as many say enjoy xmas family together while you can damned if you do

If I started athread with 'I have thrown my son out on xmas day' everyone would be :eek::eek::eek:

Why all the dramatics?? Unless I've read it wrong, you say he already spends time at his GF's home? All we're suggesting is that you allow him to stay there for Xmas if that's what he wants to do, and without you putting him on a guilt trip for doing so!!

No one has said anything about throwing him out, slapping him, taking everything off him etc etc, only you!! There you go again with the humiliation thing! You really need to take a step back and think about what you're doing!

determined_new_ms

victory wrote: »

Thank you, I think without any point of patronizing on my part you asking your dd to move out at 16 is brave, very because I worry silly about the future and what impact such a request to my son would have on our relationship and owuld it ever recover?

believe me it has been the most horrible & painful experience of my life. I do not know whether we will get over it, but I keep trying and so does she so there is hope and I admire and love her for that. There is love there but a lot of anger on both sides. As I said I played my role and if I had my time again I would do it differently. But that's the thing isn't it? We can't change the past but can only change the future. I love her and she loves me, but it is now very hard to try not to play out the roles that we are both used to. Her life is about her, her choices are about her, I have a life too. she also was a right wosit over xmas presents but I have what I can afford and that's it. I now choose to not enter into this discussion with her and choose my battles. I "uhuh" what she wants and then move the conversation on. If she has a strop on xmas day I will ignore it and focus on the other people I'm with. They're not stupid and want attention so if she's not getting any with a strop then she'll change tact to get back in. Be strong! I can't say for sure that things will get better but I do know that we are moving that way and I know this is difficult for her too. You can change the script you are playing out right now. Please read that articule and think about it, its painful to acknowledge but true

victory

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victory

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lostinrates

victory wrote: »

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Do you think if he were to be independent he would fare out there on his own? Uhm makes me wonder how long he would last...

he is 18...he ruddy well should be able to...whether he'd do it as well as he might at 21, or 25 is a differnt matter, but yes: he should be able to cope by now. edit: if he ere going to uiversity he'd be coping in halls at his age, yes with some parental help and rules, but managing his finances and personal responsibility.