My eldest has changed his xmas list

January20

victory wrote: »

It is, it is ,it is and do you know what? I talk to him, he hears me, he listens, he understands, he can look around and see what we have, he knows there is to be no laptop, he makes me feel argggggg and then no I love him if only I could get through to him, then OH tried and we move on we have calm, happy, no probs weeks and then the laptop and you just sigh and shake your head and just can't believe it is happening again?

It must be me.

I haven't read more than 20 or so replies to your thread so forgive me if I'm repeating what has been said already.

I think your problem is that you discuss it too much with him. You try to justify yourself too much to him. It's now mid-December and too late for changing your mind about presents. In any case, you should just have said:" sorry it's too late - shopping all done - presents bought" or " Sorry can't afford it" and left it at that. And repeat the same answer over and over again when he nags (I've already told you about that in another thread )

2 things he knows for sure: You love him. Of course he knows! And that you feel bad about not being able to buy him stuff so he nags because there is always the chance that you'll cave and he'll get what he wants. You should be stronger in your replies. I use that magic word "no" and dd knows it's no. Just as she knows if I say "I'll think about it, she'll probably get it. She knows if I say "I can't afford it" then I can't. But I'm clear about it.

victory

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victory

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dirtysexymonkey

victory wrote: »

It is humans we are talking about not drugs, alcohoc, co dependency or any other psychological term, so how do you counsellor big word bedazzle the quiet easy happy times? Can you box them into words?

Rather than pyscho analyze the whole issue just ask one question is eldest behaving or not?

thats a very defensive response which shows you trying to shift all the blame onto your son.

euronorris

I know I said I was leaving, but I had a thought: do you have an outlet for your frustration and anger? An exercise class? A sport? If not, I'd highly recommend that you start attending one. Will prob help you to stay calm without resorting to silent treatment.

Caroline_a

victory wrote: »

It is humans we are talking about not drugs, alcohoc, co dependency or any other psychological term, so how do you counsellor big word bedazzle the quiet easy happy times? Can you box them into words?

Rather than pyscho analyze the whole issue just ask one question is eldest behaving or not?

Vic, don't get annoyed with us - you asked us for our views and you got them... in spades! Have you noticed that so many of us are saying the same thing - so we can't all be wrong, surely? I have raised 3 girls through some 'interesting' teenage years, and so have many others. However, what is really interesting is that now they are adults they say how much they appreciate NOW that I said 'no' to their demands so many times.

Yes it's hard when the chicks want to leave the nest, which is what your son is doing when he tries out his wings at his gfs. But leave they must or you will turn into another future MiL from Hell - and I've had one of those! always wanting the son to do what she wanted, rather than what we wanted to do! I'm sure you don't want things to be like that do you?

Start enjoying the time with your OH and your younger son without the oldest being there. If he goes to uni you will rarely see him! He'll be back when he needs help and advice so long as you give him the option, rather than demand it!

sashadesade

I haven't had time to read the whole thread, but I've read all about the exploits of your son in the past.
Honestly, I can't remember the last time I was so angry with someone I've never even met! Does he ever show you any respect or regard at all? It doesn't seem like it from your posts on here. You seem to be getting worn down by this, you're even giving up on the 'laugh so you don't cry' thing. Does he know how much his behaviour upsets you or does he just not care? Gahh! :mad:
I'm sorry, but the thing about him thinking he's doing you a favour by going home for xmas really grates on me.

*max*

victory wrote: »

It is humans we are talking about not drugs, alcohol, co dependency or any other psychological term, so how do you counsellor big word bedazzle the quiet easy happy times? Can you box them into words?

Rather than pyscho analyze the whole issue just ask one question is eldest behaving or not?

He is a teenager end of

I'm really wondering what the point of this thread is then. You don't want advice, and you are no closer to actually do anything about it, you want people to tell you "yes, you are right and he is wrong, poor you". Well, I think you could have let us know before this thread reached 12 pages.

goblet_2

victory wrote: »

But he is not though is he?

He is an adult, old enough to marry, have sex and act in a responsible manner.

Buy yourself some ear plugs and ride out the storm.

victory

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