We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.

This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

My eldest has changed his xmas list

1171820222353

Comments

  • victory
    victory Posts: 16,188 Forumite
    edited 10 January 2012 at 2:44PM
    [.......................
    misspiggy wrote: »
    I'm sure you're an angel in disguise Victory :)
  • robpw2
    robpw2 Posts: 14,044 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    victory wrote: »
    He treats himself like a child acting as he does would you expect an adult a man as he keeps saying he is to behave as he does ?

    No that is wrong the xmas expenditure would have been the same but it will not be if a laptop is bought will it? what then happens to the 50/50 he so insists on? So for him it is 50/50 only when it suits him? Youngest would not dream of saying 50/50 ever and tv to laptop is and eldest knows this nevergoing to be 50/50
    you could get a cheap notebook from a second hand shop for about £90 , he hasnt really specified what kinda laptop he wants your just making it bigger then it seems

    however you do not have to buy him one at all , just say no !!!
    seriously we all want stuff and we don't always get what we want , id like a lottery win but it hasnt happened , i just got on with life and thats what he will do


    Slimming world start 28/01/2012 starting weight 21st 2.5lb current weight 17st 9-total loss 3st 7.5lb
    Slimmer of the month February , March ,April
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Seems like your lad has forgot who is in charge in your house. Teenagers will only do, what you let them get away with. Disclipline isn't easy, and it is harder than doing nothing at all. I've been where you are,I could have been the OP in this post a few years back (Ive got a 19 year old lad) and realised a few years backback, that the reason why I wasnt getting any respect was because I wasnt demanding any.Things have changed and he is like a different young man now.As far as the demanding goes, just say No. That is all you have to do. Ignore any further discussion than this.

    I think the point about spending different amount of money on them may be contributing, because your eldest lad may see it as you are sending out a message. Just out of interest, Why would you spend less on him, than your youngest? My spend hasn't changed over the years on my lad - apart from one thing - the pile of presents is a lot smaller for the same money lol - you know when they are little and you can get an almighty load of toys etc for, say £100, but a nintedo ds and game wrapped up, look tiny under the tree! :)

    My lad, as much as I would love him to be home, has decided to spend xmas day with his girlfriend - as he did last year. Now don't get me wrong, I would prefer him to be at home, but would never say it to him. I dont want to guilt trip him into doing what I want him to do, I want him to do what he wants to do.After all xmas is just one day, and if you force your lad into doing something he doesn't want, it could distrupt what could be a lovely day.
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • victory wrote: »
    He treats himself like a child acting as he does would you expect an adult a man as he keeps saying he is to behave as he does ?

    No that is wrong the xmas expenditure would have been the same but it will not be if a laptop is bought will it? what then happens to the 50/50 he so insists on? So for him it is 50/50 only when it suits him? Youngest would not dream of saying 50/50 ever and tv to laptop is and eldest knows this nevergoing to be 50/50

    if it will be the same now, why wasnt it before? you said clearly before that you were not spending equal amounts.
    Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still unsure - MSE ForumTeam
  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper PPI Party Pooper
    Victory - you need to start looking inward, at what you are doing that is creating or escalating the situation unnecessarily.

    Until you do, you'll get nowhere. So far, I cannot see that you have taken on board any of the points about your own behaviour in this. You continually revert back to blaming it ALL on your son.

    Until that changes, no one can help you, and so it's a bit pointless in us trying. So, I wish you well. I hope it all works out, but I''m leaving the thread now.
    February wins: Theatre tickets
  • victory
    victory Posts: 16,188 Forumite
    edited 10 January 2012 at 2:44PM
    ..................
    misspiggy wrote: »
    I'm sure you're an angel in disguise Victory :)
  • euronorris wrote: »
    Victory - you need to start looking inward, at what you are doing that is creating or escalating the situation unnecessarily.

    Until you do, you'll get nowhere. So far, I cannot see that you have taken on board any of the points about your own behaviour in this. You continually revert back to blaming it ALL on your son.

    Until that changes, no one can help you, and so it's a bit pointless in us trying. So, I wish you well. I hope it all works out, but I''m leaving the thread now.

    :T:T:T

    Until that happens everyone is just wasting their time. well said!:):T
    Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still unsure - MSE ForumTeam
  • nearlyrich
    nearlyrich Posts: 13,698 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Hung up my suit!
    You have to pick your battles, behave like an adult yourself and be prepared to do what you threaten to do otherwise children run rings round you as a parent, my two are not perfect but they would never have behaved like this. If the adult parent starts losing it the child sees it and emulates the behavior.
    Free impartial debt advice from: National Debtline or Stepchange[/CENTER]
  • victory
    victory Posts: 16,188 Forumite
    edited 10 January 2012 at 2:45PM
    .............................
    misspiggy wrote: »
    I'm sure you're an angel in disguise Victory :)
  • ~Chameleon~
    ~Chameleon~ Posts: 11,956 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    victory wrote: »
    Why would he? We are all adults with sparks flying because he pretends to play at being an adult and demands a laptop, do you think he should?

    But it's not about the laptop, is it! That's just the latest catalyst. The problems between you run far deeper. I don't know the history so can't comment further having not read any of your previous threads.
    “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 352K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 454.2K Spending & Discounts
  • 245K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 600.6K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177.4K Life & Family
  • 258.8K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.