My eldest has changed his xmas list

stargazer59

victory wrote: »

The board in the kitchen has been wiped off that is one thing I did.

The youngest is not favoured he has asked for a tv and eldest a laptop hardly 50/50 is it? Youngest asks eldest demands see the difference?

I am glad you have got rid of the board.

When i said you favoured your younger son i did not mean the 50/50 thing,

i meant the way you talk about them, i think you cannot see that you are blaming your eldest for everything and your youngest is the "GOOD" one.

ellies_angel

the youngest always wants what everyone else is getting. I bought her dad a TV for the bedroom a couple of years ago, she wanted a new tv, bought his CAT boots, she wanted CAT boots, you get the picture................this year her eldest sister said she really needed new UGG boots, her old ones were old and falling to bits. Well worn over a number of years, the wee darling says yes I really need new UGGs too! She doesn't, not really, but I've called her bluff and bought them both Uggs for Christmas. I can't wait to see her face when she opens her pressie. She will be pleased, they are real not like her others ones, but she will have completely forgotten she mentioned she wanted them

victory

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victory

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CH27

Oh Victory why are you getting your knickers in such a twist?

There is no such thing as a perfect tv christmas.

If he wants to go to gf's house then let him.

Work out how much you have spent on your youngest & give the same to your eldest in an envelope.

Stop making empty threats, stop pandering to him & learn to keep quiet.

stargazer59

victory wrote: »

No child is loved more than the other, I love them both unconditionally what I am saying is that one demands is unreasonable and draining the other is happy just happy going along excited about xmas sure not a child in the world is perfect mine included and nor is youngest but so far youngest gives me no moments of exasperation whereas eldest is time consuming and so me me me I want it is it without question difficult

I am sure you love them both equally.

However it comes across clearly that you prefer the child who is not causing you any problems, sadly that will all end when he becomes a teenager! Trust me, they all become demanding and unreasonable, i remember long long ago i did too.

kitschkitty

Wow this thread is worrying.
You and your son are clearly in an abusive and co-dependent relationship. The issues over money, Christmas and his exact age aren’t even important.

What you’ve highlighted can be equated to a drug dependency. You like the buzz of the good times and hate the coming down, but then you go out and get another fix again to get that high even though you know what the end results will be. You are emotionally manipulating your son, and have taught him to do it back to you. And just like drug dependency, you keep going and can’t stop this behaviour because it’s a habit. Hence it doesn’t matter what anyone here says you won’t change your behaviour or the situation to stop the cycle.

It also makes it so much easier to understand many of the other points raised, like why you don’t want him to spend time with his girlfriend and her family at a time when you personally want him at home to give you that high. Why you don’t want to take any definitive action/ultimatum where he can decide to leave and take away your high. Why you treat your other son differently, because you don’t have this co-dependency issue with him. Why you feel that inner rage against your sons behaviour, and indeed against your son. Why you have a permanent nagging feeling of inadequacy/doing something wrong in raising your son.

It worries me, because if these problems were put in the context of partners not parent/child 99% of posters would be telling you to split up as you are not in a healthy relationship (there’s always that 1% of posters who would disagree).

I don’t have any advice, except to say that I really think this is a deep seated issue that would benefit from professional counselling. But my guess is this will keep going on till the poop hits the fan, or he decides of his own steam to leave home, after which you will still have emotional issues, but I believe they will be redirected.

~Chameleon~

kitschkitty wrote: »

Wow this thread is worrying.
You and your son are clearly in an abusive and co-dependent relationship. The issues over money, Christmas and his exact age aren’t even important.

What you’ve highlighted can be equated to a drug dependency. You like the buzz of the good times and hate the coming down, but then you go out and get another fix again to get that high even though you know what the end results will be. You are emotionally manipulating your son, and have taught him to do it back to you. And just like drug dependency, you keep going and can’t stop this behaviour because it’s a habit. Hence it doesn’t matter what anyone here says you won’t change your behaviour or the situation to stop the cycle.

It also makes it so much easier to understand many of the other points raised, like why you don’t want him to spend time with his girlfriend and her family at a time when you personally want him at home to give you that high. Why you don’t want to take any definitive action/ultimatum where he can decide to leave and take away your high. Why you treat your other son differently, because you don’t have this co-dependency issue with him. Why you feel that inner rage against your sons behaviour, and indeed against your son. Why you have a permanent nagging feeling of inadequacy/doing something wrong in raising your son.

It worries me, because if these problems were put in the context of partners not parent/child 99% of posters would be telling you to split up as you are not in a healthy relationship (there’s always that 1% of posters who would disagree).

I don’t have any advice, except to say that I really think this is a deep seated issue that would benefit from professional counselling. But my guess is this will keep going on till the poop hits the fan, or he decides of his own steam to leave home, after which you will still have emotional issues, but I believe they will be redirected.

Well said, my thoughts exactly! :T :T :T

victory

Thanks........................................

victory

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