My eldest has changed his xmas list

pelirocco

aliasojo wrote: »

I hesitate to write this as I don't want you to think I'm getting at you (I promise I'm not, I 'suffered' with a PITA son so so if anything I empathise) BUT, I really don't agree with what you do.

It seems to me that you just kinda poke him with a stick sometimes. :rotfl:I'm not surprised you don't get better behaviour/reactions from him. I daresay the g/f's parents treat him with more respect and that's why they get a different persona from him.

It's fair enough to want to keep note of loans etc, but putting the info up in a public place for all members of the family to see? Just seems like respect is missing all round.

Yes I agree he needs him bum kicked but I think you do too.

I agree you need to learn to pick your battles otherwise you just end up in a spiral of he said she said , and tbh the only person getting upset seems to be you !

euronorris

victory wrote: »

Unbelievably not, going to get shot for this, bullets flying my way but no not a solution, offered it well not quite as much but he said no point can't afford to put the rest to it so no point, I still don't get a laptop

Victory - All you need to say is 'Well, this is all we can afford and are willing to pay towards a Xmas present for you. So, you can either accept it gratefully with the intention to save it for the laptop or otherwise, OR, you can continue acting like you are and you will get nothing. Christmas gifts, despite your pre-conceptions, are a luxury that we afford you. They are a privilage, not a right. So, if you are going to behave in such a nasty way, and continue with this attitue, then the privilage will be removed entirely.'.

Then, leave it in his hands. He will no doubt kick off, and call you a bad mother, because he's a teenager and he's trying to manipulate you into getting his own way. Do NOT give in to it. Will it be hard? Yes. But, it will put an end to this behaviour IF you stand firm.

Otherwise, I am afraid there will NEVER be an end to these situations, and his attitude. And that's no good for you, him or the rest of the family. It's certainly no good for your relationship with him. Part of having a good relationship with him, is having established boundaries that will set him in good stead for the future.

Time to toughen up Victory, and take all of the comments, and probable silent treatment for a while. It'll blow over so much sooner than you realise, and you'll realise that feeling that way actually ended up empowering you and making you feel like a better mother, not a bad one.

Come on....do it!

victory

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dirtysexymonkey

victory wrote: »

Never did for his 18th as the thread said and will not do for the laptop but have done, gadgets and gizmos don't happen he knows that so why bother me with it?

I do explain myself too much, made to feel guilty that I cannot provide yes, he acts younger than he is, he wants what he wants and goes on and on

unless its for your youngest it seems.

you need to answer the question (at the very least to yourself) of why you treat your children differently and why you think your eldest is childish for wanting equal treatment?

victory

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*max*

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

unless its for your youngest it seems.

you need to answer the question (at the very least to yourself) of why you treat your children differently and why you think your eldest is childish for wanting equal treatment?

Maybe she has you on "ignore"?

dirtysexymonkey

victory wrote: »

True, I am the parent looking at a son wanting, expecting, wishing and not being able to jump high enough, provide enough but it is clear as it has been said if it was blue laptop he would want a purple on if it had 2gb of ram it would have to have 4gb, he is never heart happy where as I am just happy with what we have and he wants makes me feel inadequate.

no hes a teenager. one that doesnt have a solid foundation and one who is rightly annoyed at being treated differently to his brother.

dirtysexymonkey

*max* wrote: »

Maybe she has you on "ignore"?

i doubt it. she managed to read my posts on other threads and comment on them.

its unlikely she has everyone who has asked on ignore too.

~Chameleon~

victory wrote: »

I do explain myself too much, made to feel guilty that I cannot provide yes, he acts younger than he is, he wants what he wants and goes on and on

Quite possibly because you still treat him like a child? Maybe he has more respect for his GF's family as they treat him like the adult he is? Just a thought based on your posts here

aliasojo

victory wrote: »

True, I am the parent looking at a son wanting, expecting, wishing and not being able to jump high enough, provide enough but it is clear as it has been said if it was blue laptop he would want a purple on if it had 2gb of ram it would have to have 4gb, he is never heart happy where as I am just happy with what we have and he wants makes me feel inadequate.

I think you try really hard to be a good Mum. I think you love your son dearly even although he drives you daft. It's clear from your posts how you just want a fair and harmonious life.

Thing is though, I think you need to agree that nothing much is changing? You're going from one hiccup/crisis to the next.

You can't make him change but you can change you / the situation. You either need to rethink your approach or you need to change the situation i.e. the living arrangements.

Anyway, I wish you luck. been there, done that, will probably be back here moaning about daughter in a few years. :D