My eldest has changed his xmas list

victory

.......................

Caroline_a

Sooner or later you're going to have a Christmas without your son. He might be at gfs or move abroad, lots of different reasons. However it really isnt the end of the world!

Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're being a little unfair on the other family members if they have to sit with Miserable Spoilt Brat who I'm sure will be off to his girlfriends as soon as he can once you've had Christmas lunch (or dinner). If he wants to go, let him. And let him have the guilt trip for once

I do think that these days we have this amazingly rose-coloured view of Christmas Day, encouraged by all these adverts on tv, when in reality most people eat too much, feel rubbish afterwards, bicker and argue, and the whole thing can be a real anticlimax!

adelight

:eek: aside from "NO" tell him to go get a job or pay for it with his earnings!
Also do not get him a laptop "for uni"!!! He'll get a student loan/grant to pay for that and if you absolutely have to get him something resembling a laptop, wait until he has his results and place confirmed and buy him a refurb netbook a week or two before he goes. He sounds so childish that him not bothering to take up a university place or dropping out after the first semester seem highly likely. You need to whip him into shape now so it's quite clear that if he does go off to uni he can't expect you to be funding him or picking up the pieces if he drops out.
I'm in my 3rd year of uni and ridiculous numbers of people drop out after a few months or the first year. Even more people just coast along frittering away their parents money and end up with a third in some duff degree and end up living at home working part time at maccies.

You're not his slave or bank, you're his mum and you have done a lot for him and he should respect you not make you feel bad. Tell him to go stay with his gf for xmas, you'll have a lovely day without him and there's no need to feel guilty if he'd rather be there.


Is your youngest likely to get any money from relatives or get pocket money? You could tell him that you've already bought his xmas pressies but if he gets any money and saves his pocket money you will pay for half of it when he has saved half the money. I know he's only 10 and you'll still giving in to a certain extent but things like this worked really well with me and my sister as kids. He'll appreciate it more and realise that you can't instantly have everything, you have to wait and work for it.

victory

.....................

tom9980

victory wrote: »

No his instructor gets paid weekly so no not paid no.

Can you spend the same amount thought one wants a freeview tv what is that £150 abouts and a laptop £399 doesn't work there has to be a cut off....

you can get a 19inch tv with freeview and dvd player for £120 http://www.hotukdeals.com/deals/toshiba-19dv501b-19in-hd-lcd-tv-with-built-dvd-player-freeview-119-99-delivered-1085807

To be honest if this was my son i would be donating his xmas cash to charity at this point all he would get is a thank you card from that charity for the donation. He will be stunned when he opens that envelope and when he gets in a huff you can simply tell him that his expectations are unreasonable given the family income and that there are people out there that are starving to death but are overjoyed and thankful for what they have just been given.

victory

........................

Johnny_Barnes10

Give him the £, and once he's wasted it (if he does) you tell him the well has run dry. Kids should viable to have what try want, if you can afford it. If not help him towards it with whatever you're spending on the youngest one.

victory

....................

aliasojo

victory wrote: »

.... at his gf they love him, he does odd jobs for them, he behaves, he is polite, they love him, include him in everything, speak highly of him, send him lovely cards as thank you for helping us, they take him out for dinner, buy him things, they love him.

Vic it seems pretty clear to me that he's perfectly capable of acting well, he must come across as personable if the gf's family think so much of him.

I honestly believe the relationship you and he have is the problem. Unless you change that, you wont change him.

I really believe space is what's needed here. Both you and he are too close and too involved in the same way of behaviour, that's why it doesn't matter how much you talk about it all, nothing much changes. I think space between you now will ensure a better relationship later. If you keep going this way, I can't see things ever changing tbh.

He needs to be independent and you need to change your viewpoint.

That doesn't mean you turf him out but you need to start to talk about the future and come up with some reasonable alternatives to staying at home the way things are now.

neverdespairgirl

victory wrote: »

My eldest gets envious, he has a friend his dad is a lawyer and they are well off and what he wants he gets, I understand that, eldest understands that we are not well off , that every penny is accounted for and he understand that but he says if there is one time to ease the purse strings and have a bit of luxury or lavishness it is xmas and that is why he has asked at xmas for a laptop as well as talking to his mates who more than not are getting one.

Sorry, I think it's more than that.

My Dad is a lawyer, and my parents relatively well-off. But none of us (I'm the eldest of 4) ever demanded X Y or Z for Christmas. Or kicked off if we didn't get a laptop, car, driving lessons, whatever it was.

In fact, my parents did buy me a desk top after my A level results came out, in 1996, as a "congratulations" present. I was surprised, and very chuffed indeed. So I set it up downstairs and my siblings could then use it too. I doubt I'd have been bought a computer if I hadn't done well in my A levels, either.

My parents also had a strict no-TV-in-bedrooms rule.

And we never calculated up the value of each other's Christmas or birthday presents, either! I'm sure it varied hugely, but it probably all came out in the wash over several years. All hell would have broken out if I'd said anything like the things your son says to you.

In my experience of wealthy-lawyers-as-parents (9 girls in my year at school, out of 101 of us, had either a QC or a High Court Judge as a father) not one of us would ever have got away with behaving like your son, either. Wealthy lawyers tend to be pretty hard-working and self-disciplined, and expect similar hard work and self-discipline in their children.

I reckon your son would be horrified by my upbringing, and the rules and regulations I thought were perfectly normal.

Until I went to university, I'd never, ever, been out to a pub / club etc on a "school night". Even when I was 17/18 and working for my A levels, the only things I did on school nights after school were homework, school club type things (netball, debating, chess) or music lessons. School nights were for doing homework, and going to bed early, ready to get up at 6.30am to go to school.