My family can't find where they put their own heads most days.

Spendless

Mojisola wrote: »

Of course it's not your fault that your son didn't pay the money in or forgot to put on his tie but did he live with the consequences or did you put things right for him?

How many detentions would your son have to have before he remembered to put on a tie? If he lost the money for the trip, why didn't you ask him to repay you from his savings? Why didn't he miss the school trip?

If you run yourself ragged sorting them out, they'll never learn.

The trip money that got 'lost'. I didn't look for it. It was mentioned very late Wednesday evening or Thursday morning that he hadn't got it and paid it in. It was something that was going to be looked for Thursday evening or the money was coming out of DS's bank account. On Thursday afternoon as I pulled into my drive from work I saw it in the footwell of the passenger side of my car. I gave it to DS to hand in as it's a part payment for a residential trip and the deposit has already been paid for.

Re the tie, I was upstairs when DS shouted he was going to school I came part way down to ask him if he'd picked up the container lent from teacher. I am partially deaf in one ear due to a benign tumour so can't always hear what is said. so I came to within ear-shot to ask him that's when I said to him 'what is wrong with your uniform?' He realised I meant his tie looked for it and put it on. He has twice before set off for the bus without his tie, cos he gets to the bus stop in ample time his mate pointed out no tie and then he came home to get it, but that might be at the time I'm trying to get out of the door with DD who I drop off at breakfast club.

If he gets too many detentions within a time span they progress to being after school ones and though the school is only in the next village, the school buses would be gone and there's no direct public transport link. The walking route whilst fine in summer takes you either down a deserted country lane, a desolate playing field, or close to heavy traffic. As an adult I wouldn't feel totally safe walking them in the dark, which is what it would be at this time of year if he stopped behind, so then I'd be left with the option of either letting him do a walk I wouldn't be comfortable with alone, or picking him up by car, which means taking the 8yo out. It is more than likely DH would be at work. Sometimes you have to make a split second judgement on what works easiest on you and to ask what was wrong with his uniform was the best for me. What I'm wanting help with is him remembering to put it on in the 1st place.

The current update is DS tidied up his bedroom and made a good job, admittedly amongst moaning not so much about the tidying but about him not being able to play out till it was done-DH sent 1 mate away who called whilst I was taking DD swimming.

DD has whinged and whined more about her bedroom, so will be continuing tomorrow with it. I asked her about her planner and she said it had fallen off her desk onto her bed and she knew where it was.

I've sorted out the downstairs loo and re-purposed some furniture so it's tidier. I also took my Nan shopping and repeated the whole story and she suggested in the case of DS that the trip money comes out of his savings account in the 1st place and we put it back in to his bank account only after he has paid the amount into school. I liked that idea and will be telling son that is what is happening on the next due payment date unless he finds out who I make a cheque out to instead.

BitterAndTwisted

Spendless wrote: »

If he gets too many detentions within a time span they progress to being after school ones and though the school is only in the next village, the school buses would be gone and there's no direct public transport link. The walking route whilst fine in summer takes you either down a deserted country lane, a desolate playing field, or close to heavy traffic. As an adult I wouldn't feel totally safe walking them in the dark, which is what it would be at this time of year if he stopped behind, so then I'd be left with the option of either letting him do a walk I wouldn't be comfortable with alone, or picking him up by car, which means taking the 8yo out. It is more than likely DH would be at work.

He needs to be aware of the consequences of his own actions/inaction. It would serve him right if he had to walk home after getting an after-school detention. I daresay he would only have to make that walk home once for him to shape up.

You sound like a bit of a worry-wart and some of your comments come over to me as justification/rationalisation for being one.

You either decide to change the dynamics and get everyone to take some responsibility for their own stuff and their own actions, or you don't and carry on as you have been.

Post on here as much as you like if it's a good release for you to have a whinge and paint yourself as a bit of a martyr but the power to change things is in your hands. No-one is going to do it for you and it will be an uphill struggle. The status-quo suits everyone else at the moment except you, so change it.

vintagebrighton

My kids still remind me of the time I threw the sandwich toaster in the bin cos they never, never cleaned it out after using it.... used to drive me potty. I kinda miss it now there's only one left at home *sigh* (kid not sandwich toaster!)

Still, my OH is dyspraxic and cannot organise for toffee............. not to mention the mess he makes and how clumsy he is Seems easier though when you know it's not a choice thing but how some people's brain works differently

brians_daughter

lol OP. i had the same issue (minnus the oh) and we have to be organised - its the only way.

We (they) get all the stuff they need ready the day before. Any cookery items that arent requested when i do my sunday shop dont get bought which ends up in humiliation for not having the right stuff and detention - that suddenly rectified itself once he was the butt of school ribbings 2 weeks running.

Even the little ones (minus dd whos not 1 yet lol) get their shoes and clothes and nursery bags ready the night before. We have a box in the hall where all 'must haves for tomorrow' are kept and what they forget they dont take.

ds1 whos 13 forgot his theme park money before summer school rang and asked would i drop it off (only live 4 doors away from school) and i refused. DS1 had been given the money 3 weeks before and it was sat in his room so he didnt go on the end of year trip. Ppl were mortified when i told them i didnt take it but hes learnt a valuable leson from it


You cant expect them to do it themselves if you do it for them. I believe the phrase is 'tough love'

candjsmum

Spendless wrote: »

The trip money that got 'lost'. I didn't look for it. It was mentioned very late Wednesday evening or Thursday morning that he hadn't got it and paid it in. It was something that was going to be looked for Thursday evening or the money was coming out of DS's bank account. On Thursday afternoon as I pulled into my drive from work I saw it in the footwell of the passenger side of my car. I gave it to DS to hand in as it's a part payment for a residential trip and the deposit has already been paid for.

.


As my previous post that I wouldn't give my son any amount over £5 in cash to take, could you not then have phoned the school to ask who to make cheque payable to.

Spendless wrote: »

or picking him up by car, which means taking the 8yo out.

.

Sorry but that is part and parcel of being a parent!! When my kids were younger, 1 or the other was always having to be taken somewhere to pick up or drop off the other!!

victory

'tough love' agreed and throwing the stuff out of the door that makes them realise:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

victory

Oh and lists plenty of kitchen chore lists, tell them where everything goes and where they can find it, it is easier to find it where it is supposed to go that have to waste time looking for it where they think they put it, everything has a draw/cupboard/place if it is not there they have not put it back right and it will usually be thrown out/in the bin or on the front drive way take your pick:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

CH27

Spendless wrote: »

The trip money that got 'lost'. I didn't look for it. It was mentioned very late Wednesday evening or Thursday morning that he hadn't got it and paid it in. It was something that was going to be looked for Thursday evening or the money was coming out of DS's bank account. On Thursday afternoon as I pulled into my drive from work I saw it in the footwell of the passenger side of my car. I gave it to DS to hand in as it's a part payment for a residential trip and the deposit has already been paid for.

Re the tie, I was upstairs when DS shouted he was going to school I came part way down to ask him if he'd picked up the container lent from teacher. I am partially deaf in one ear due to a benign tumour so can't always hear what is said. so I came to within ear-shot to ask him that's when I said to him 'what is wrong with your uniform?' He realised I meant his tie looked for it and put it on. He has twice before set off for the bus without his tie, cos he gets to the bus stop in ample time his mate pointed out no tie and then he came home to get it, but that might be at the time I'm trying to get out of the door with DD who I drop off at breakfast club.

If he gets too many detentions within a time span they progress to being after school ones and though the school is only in the next village, the school buses would be gone and there's no direct public transport link. The walking route whilst fine in summer takes you either down a deserted country lane, a desolate playing field, or close to heavy traffic. As an adult I wouldn't feel totally safe walking them in the dark, which is what it would be at this time of year if he stopped behind, so then I'd be left with the option of either letting him do a walk I wouldn't be comfortable with alone, or picking him up by car, which means taking the 8yo out. It is more than likely DH would be at work. Sometimes you have to make a split second judgement on what works easiest on you and to ask what was wrong with his uniform was the best for me. What I'm wanting help with is him remembering to put it on in the 1st place.

The current update is DS tidied up his bedroom and made a good job, admittedly amongst moaning not so much about the tidying but about him not being able to play out till it was done-DH sent 1 mate away who called whilst I was taking DD swimming.

DD has whinged and whined more about her bedroom, so will be continuing tomorrow with it. I asked her about her planner and she said it had fallen off her desk onto her bed and she knew where it was.

I've sorted out the downstairs loo and re-purposed some furniture so it's tidier. I also took my Nan shopping and repeated the whole story and she suggested in the case of DS that the trip money comes out of his savings account in the 1st place and we put it back in to his bank account only after he has paid the amount into school. I liked that idea and will be telling son that is what is happening on the next due payment date unless he finds out who I make a cheque out to instead.

I'm sorry but you are just making excuses.
If you are so unhappy with the situation. Change it!
Only you can do that.

victory

If people treat you like a doormat it is because you let yourself be one

Spendless

QUOTE=candjsmum;48462881].


As my previous post that I wouldn't give my son any amount over £5 in cash to take, could you not then have phoned the school to ask who to make cheque payable to. And as per my previous post. It was the weekend when it was mentioned. No I couldn't phone the school before they opened when I'm at work for 8.30 the following morning and the instuction was to have it for Monday!!

.

Sorry but that is part and parcel of being a parent!! When my kids were younger, 1 or the other was always having to be taken somewhere to pick up or drop off the other!![/QUOTE]But that is my whole point, whilst I have a load of people giving me fab ideas, and a few whinging that it's my fault- you suggestions are that I run around a bit more -rather than take steps to prevent me doing so. I would go into more detail about how this would have me running around from 3.30 till 4.30 but I'm not prepared to have my life dissected by an internet forum. I put in my opening post, that I work, help out with my elderly grandmother and my mother who is recovering from an op -so would rather not be taking up another chunk of my time to pick up someone who has an after school detention.

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

He needs to be aware of the consequences of his own actions/inaction. It would serve him right if he had to walk home after getting an after-school detention. I daresay he would only have to make that walk home once for him to shape up.

You sound like a bit of a worry-wart and some of your comments come over to me as justification/rationalisation for being one.

You either decide to change the dynamics and get everyone to take some responsibility for their own stuff and their own actions, or you don't and carry on as you have been.

Post on here as much as you like if it's a good release for you to have a whinge and paint yourself as a bit of a martyr but the power to change things is in your hands. No-one is going to do it for you and it will be an uphill struggle. The status-quo suits everyone else at the moment except you, so change it.

[

CH27 wrote: »

I'm sorry but you are just making excuses.
If you are so unhappy with the situation. Change it!
Only you can do that.

Jesus Christ. This is why I don't usually post on personal matters. The 11 yo is aware he'll have a detention which is why he comes back searching for his tie. What I want him to do is remember to put it on in the 1st place not come back searching for it.

FTR what I said when I saw DS is 'what is wrong with your uniform? and NOT 'you've not got your tie on, let mumsy wumsy find it for you'. I was trying to give more detail of what exactly happened.