My family can't find where they put their own heads most days.

Spendless

and they are driving me insane with it. :mad: Every day they don't know where their keys, shoes, money, dinner tickets, homework etc etc are, usually as we are about to walk out of the door.

Take this week as an example I gave 11yo DS £30 to pay a school trip on Monday- he forgot to, on Wednesday night he told us he couldn't find the cash. It turned up in the footwell of my car, cos I'd asked him to call in my Grans on the way home on Tues and when I picked him up from there he'd gathered up some stuff and dumped it in my car. He asked me to get him some apples for cookery lessons which I did. He came home with them stewed and in a container borrowed from teacher. I mentioned this to DH who just said 'yes, he mentioned needing a container whilst you were out buying the apples' had either of them thought to get a container out and pack it in DS's bag or add it to the carrier bag with cooking apples in I fetched home -nope! This morning DS shouted bye and I asekd him to hold on-I wanted to check he had container with him to give back, took 1 look at him and said 'what's wrong with your uniform?' He didn't have his tie on. He attends a strict Secondary school and would have got a detention for no tie. Tonight I asked him if he paid the trip money? -yes and gave container back to teacher -nope.

Husband and daughter are no better. DH kept asking where his keys were so I asked him to put them on a key-ring so he could hang them up -like I do my own. He later confessed he'd lost them and didn't want to admit it. He only discovered where they were cos he had swapped cars with a colleague a few weeks back and his workmate was tidying his own car.

DD aged 8, was due to get her 50th merit point today but hasn't been awarded it cos she lost a point for forgetting to take her planner. I hadn't taken her to school this morning as DH was going to a Drs appt.

I have told DH I cannot do the thinking for all 4 of us. I work 30 hours a week. I take my elderly Grandmother shopping and call in on my parents as my mum has just had an op on her spine.

Help please!!:D

Linda32

Oh dear,

I'm not sure if I will be of any help, as its only myself and OH here. But didn't want to read and run either.

Many moons ago when I moaned to my Mum "where are my shoes" wheres my hair brush" etc I was told "its where you left it"


So a possible solution, errm, [STRIKE]leave them to get on with it[/STRIKE] and put your feet up. :beer:

Or maybe designate an area for school things, maybe somewhere where the bags are stashed so that its picked up in the morning.
A quick 10 minutes ask after school "does anyone need anything - speak now" After that no more running after them.

HTH sort of helps.

Someone will be along soon,I'm sure.

Gillyx

In the case of your son and husband I'd let them get on with it, its your son who has to do the detention not you and I'm sure after a few of them he'd remember to wear his tie

I have a friend who's mum ran after her constantly, and even now she has a job with great prospects etc but still relies heavily on her parents at 23 years of age.

I think at first it would be chaos but eventually they'l learn that they have to do a bit of independent thinking and you have your own problems and duties to be attending to. God from when I started high school I was responsible for all my own washing/ironing and had to help prepare dinner every night, mon-fri. So if I had no clean clothes for school it would be my own fault

msb5262

Hi OP,

I know where you're coming from...I have three teenagers and work full time as a primary school teacher. The kids in my class at school never know where anything is either!

Really boringly, I think the best answer is twofold:

a) labels/systems and b) training.

The labels/systems thing is simple.
Get a box, basket or other large container for each person and keep it in the hall, porch or wherever you all come in.
Label the box clearly with the owner's name.
Assign one or two coat hooks per person and name these too.
Put up a key hook per person - named - in a suitably safe place.
On your family noticeboard, or in another prominent place, put a hook where you can hang a large bulldog clip per person - labelled clearly with their name - and this is where EVERY letter/flyer/brochure they bring in from school/college/work/Scouts goes. A bulldog clip holds an amazing amount of paper, so you'll find yourself automatically weeding out the stuff that's been and gone when you're looking for that letter about the school trip.
Bus money or trip money or lunch money goes in a (named) envelope which is either pinned on the noticeboard or put in the bulldog clip.
Obsessively label EVERYTHING from rulers to socks, then release everything to go its own sweet way....which is where training comes in.

Training involves giving repeated instructions e.g. "When we get into the house, hang up your coat and your bike key, and drop your school bag into your box in the hall," with promises of small rewards if this is done and sanctions if it is not.
Make sure you come across with the rewards/sanctions as appropriate!
Try to get into the habit of asking the kids every day if they have any letters from school, then get them to put the letters in their own bulldog clip.
Keep your calendar close to the bulldog clips, then you can add dates to the calendar as you go along.
Make a list which is in a prominent place saying who does what/needs to take what etc on each day of the week, then the children can get used to checking it and will soon enjoy being a bit more responsible, especially if you start off by rewarding and praising them for getting it right.

Now the hard part...you have to leave them to it.
If they have been reminded once about things, don't keep reminding them - let them get into trouble or miss out.
That is the only way they'll really learn and remember to make sure they are better organised next time! The same goes for your OH - he'll be mortified if he lets them down by being disorganised but you're right: you can't do the thinking for all of you, nor should you.

Hope your mum is recovering well.

HTH

...and don't worry, it does get easier!

MsB

CH27

You are enabling their behaviour.
Leave them to get detentions etc. They will soon learn.

Spendless

CH27 wrote: »

You are enabling their behaviour.
Leave them to get detentions etc. They will soon learn.

I was waiting for the post that told me it was my fault. You win the prize, well done.

Absolutely

I say 2 things very regularly to my kids:

- A place for everything and everything in it's place
- Consequences

When they leave something where it shouldn't be, I remind them "where should this go?" and THEY move it, not me.

If they forget to tell me about a school trip, lose the money or don't tell me about a school activity they need stuff for - TOUGH.

Consequences.

My daughter has gone without milk this term because she didn't give the slip and payment in on time. She won't forget next time I'm sure.

Might sound harsh, but they are learning.

As for the OH, I could never alter him. He was beyond redemption so I can't offer any tips on that!

CH27

Spendless wrote: »

I was waiting for the post that told me it was my fault. You win the prize, well done.

Sorry:rotfl:

Murtle

flylady might help you guys

http://flylady.net/

Spendless

Absolutely wrote: »

I say 2 things very regularly to my kids:

- A place for everything and everything in it's place
- Consequences

When they leave something where it shouldn't be, I remind them "where should this go?" and THEY move it, not me.

If they forget to tell me about a school trip, lose the money or don't tell me about a school activity they need stuff for - TOUGH.

Consequences.

My daughter has gone without milk this term because she didn't give the slip and payment in on time. She won't forget next time I'm sure.

Might sound harsh, but they are learning.

As for the OH, I could never alter him. He was beyond redemption so I can't offer any tips on that!

Is he still the OH?

I have started what you've said. I went grocery shopping on my way home from work today. I came in to find DD's coat, both school bags dumped in hallway. I sent them to pick them up. Later I spotted the summer-house light had been left on, our back door wide open, rubbish from tea left (DH had sent kids to chippy-unsure how long I'd be-he was working from home) and downstairs loo light on, so I went and said this is on, that's there, that's open, I have done none of this so go and sort it, which they did under protests that I'm being really grumpy-which is also what DH thinks.

meritaten

msb is spot on! while you act like the social secretary/tour manager - they will rely on you!
I buy the calendar with the biggest spaces for dates. letters from school, GP, Dentist, Hospital etc as soon as they are recieved the times/dates go on the calendar! If you have to have an hotel like arrangement with pigeon holes for peoples stuff - then do it!
Car keys etc - My OH used to do this all the time! there is a large peg now in the hall with a huge notice - CAR KEYS! if he doesnt put them there - I wont help him look for them!
every evening at dinner time I said to the kids - if you need somthing for school tomorrow that isnt on the calendar - tell me now! its too late at 8.00pm!
you have to be tough! otherwise you turn into a skivvy and they start BLAMING you if things dont go to plan! and that aint fair!