My family can't find where they put their own heads most days.

Absolutely

Spendless wrote: »

Is he still the OH?

I have started what you've said. I went grocery shopping on my way home from work today. I came in to find DD's coat, both school bags dumped in hallway. I sent them to pick them up. Later I spotted the summer-house light had been left on, our back door wide open, rubbish from tea left (DH had sent kids to chippy-unsure how long I'd be-he was working from home) and downstairs loo light on, so I went and said this is on, that's there, that's open, I have done none of this so go and sort it, which they did under protests that I'm being really grumpy-which is also what DH thinks.

The OH was disposed of 3.5 years ago (legally, I hasten to add). DIVORCE. Lovely word. Since then, it's just been one less 'kid' to look after :rotfl:

Sounds like you've made some progress already. Another of my favourite words is 'consistency'. Keep on keeping on. They will learn, you are perfectly entitled to a moan and have a good evening.

MatyMoo

Spendless wrote: »

Is he still the OH?

I have started what you've said. I went grocery shopping on my way home from work today. I came in to find DD's coat, both school bags dumped in hallway. I sent them to pick them up. Later I spotted the summer-house light had been left on, our back door wide open, rubbish from tea left (DH had sent kids to chippy-unsure how long I'd be-he was working from home) and downstairs loo light on, so I went and said this is on, that's there, that's open, I have done none of this so go and sort it, which they did under protests that I'm being really grumpy-which is also what DH thinks.

So to carry on with the consequences....

If you don't do what I ask/tidy up after yourself/make me remind you constantly the consequence is I end up grumpy. You know how to stop it!

JosieJump

I got fed up of DD(14) and DH leaving thier stuff everywhere so I told them that anything not put in its place would be put in the garage. They very quickly got fed up of going out to the garage to retrive their stuff and were fully trained in a couple of days. They only need an occasional reminder from time to time now.

DD also kept forgetting to hand in forms etc so I said that I would pop into school/guides etc and do it for her - she immediately started remembering!

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS

Hi, I'd read your post with interest as I truly understand how you feel. I believe you have received good advice. Firstly if you take the ownership away from where it belongs then your OH and kids will never feel the need to get it right first time. Secondly, I can see that you are driven to look after them all and make sure things go well for them.

May I suggest you take a deep breath and talk to them all, possibly altogether as a family meeting. Take some time to explain how their actions are making you feel and how you are going to handle it going forward. They will have a chance to debate etc but they will come away from that discussion understanding why you are changing your behaviour which will be a shock to them.

I was once old by a teacher of my daughter never to take any homework into school if she forgot it, the reason being she needed to see and feel the consequences of her actions. I have stuck by this and she has had to step up to being more responsible. Have there been moments when I wanted to 'just do it', yes there have but I have stuck to the advice.

Stick with it and be firm and gradually they will all begin to realise the effort it takes to run a home and thus will show you more consideration and respect.
Finally the advice about bull dog clips etc was excellent, I use a bring forward file for anything which is coming up in the future and even the kids know to look in the file for tickets, school meetings etc.

Good luck.

Spendless

meritaten wrote: »

I buy the calendar with the biggest spaces for dates. letters from school, GP, Dentist, Hospital etc as soon as they are recieved the times/dates go on the calendar! If you have to have an hotel like arrangement with pigeon holes for peoples stuff - then do it!
Car keys etc - My OH used to do this all the time! there is a large peg now in the hall with a huge notice - CAR KEYS! if he doesnt put them there - I wont help him look for them!

I do have a family organiser calendar, with space for each members name and use it, but I put mine and kid related stuff on there. I have just taken it to Mr S and asked for his work schedule for next week (he has no set rota, but works away incl o/night and usually also works from home in any week). So I have just discovered that he will be late home 3 days next week-something I didn't know and him being away can be trigger points for chaos. We have key hooks but he doesn't use them and the layout of our house means he wouldn't walk past a sign.

candjsmum

Spendless wrote: »

and they are driving me insane with it. :mad:
Take this week as an example I gave 11yo DS £30 to pay a school trip on Monday- he forgot to, on Wednesday night he told us he couldn't find the cash.

Sorry but I would never give my 12 year old cash to take to school. Any amount over £5 is done by cheque!!

Spendless

MatyMoo wrote: »

So to carry on with the consequences....

If you don't do what I ask/tidy up after yourself/make me remind you constantly the consequence is I end up grumpy. You know how to stop it!

Honestly. I have been there. DH just insists I go on a rant before they have done anything and/or insists I am not perfect either. I accept that but I'm 90% tidier than the rest of them and usually it's me tidying it up.

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS wrote: »

Hi, I'd read your post with interest as I truly understand how you feel. I believe you have received good advice. Firstly if you take the ownership away from where it belongs then your OH and kids will never feel the need to get it right first time. Secondly, I can see that you are driven to look after them all and make sure things go well for them.

May I suggest you take a deep breath and talk to them all, possibly altogether as a family meeting. Take some time to explain how their actions are making you feel and how you are going to handle it going forward. They will have a chance to debate etc but they will come away from that discussion understanding why you are changing your behaviour which will be a shock to them.

Stick with it and be firm and gradually they will all begin to realise the effort it takes to run a home and thus will show you more consideration and respect.
Finally the advice about bull dog clips etc was excellent, I use a bring forward file for anything which is coming up in the future and even the kids know to look in the file for tickets, school meetings etc.

Good luck.

DH and DS will argue the toss which will mainly be based about how I'm not perfect.When I said about the summer house light on earlier, that was DH cos he'd worked from home, when I told them to sort it, the kids did the doors, rubbish and left the light. When I reminded DH he said 'yes, dear' when I told him I wasn't amused he said I'd asked him if I was aware if the light was still on, so he'd replied accordingly. I then changed my wording to, 'the light you've left on can you go switch it please', so he did. After the kids went to bed I spotted a small ermpty bottle of water and some dirty socks on the settee, I asked for them to be moved, to which DH kept saying 'later' and then pointed out I'd left an empty bottle of cider that I'd just drank on top of a unit. i said 'fair enough, I was about to move it having just spotted it myself but in my mind a bottle on a unit isn't as objectional as leaving a small empty bottle and socks on a sofa where people will sit. He wasn't even sat on that sofa anyway so I suspect he slung it from where he was. He did move the stuff also mentioning the socks weren't his so I told him he should have shouted our son down to move them. We then had a bicker with me saying how fed up I'm getting about stuff not put away and no-one being organsied,because I am sure the 2 things are connected and him insisting I'm not perfect.


Whilst I've been typing this he has gone and got a yogurt which I am relatively sure he will leave on the side unless I ask him to move it.

Spendless

candjsmum wrote: »

Sorry but I would never give my 12 year old cash to take to school. Any amount over £5 is done by cheque!!

It's a payment plan and the letter said for the payment to go in for Monday. It was the weekend when DS mentioned it. I didn't know who to make the cheque out to,(as that would have been my preferred option) so had to risk that he was capable of taking £30 from our house to a school in the next village, that he catches a school bus to and paying it straight to the school office the minute he arrived. It was Wednesday night when he announced he hadn't got it. We told him if it had been lost/stolen we would be taking the £30 out of his savings account to replace.

scheming_gypsy

Spendless wrote: »

and they are driving me insane with it. :mad: Every day they don't know where their keys, shoes, money, dinner tickets, homework etc etc are, usually as we are about to walk out of the door.

You'd have my sympathy but i'm just as bad. I'd forget my balls if they weren't in a bag.

nearlyrich

I taught my children to be self sufficient from an early age, e.g clothes not in washing basket didn't get washed, one re-wear of last weeks smelly PE KIT soon reminds them to bring it home and put it in the wash basket. Fortunately my DH is very organised so I have never had a problem with him losing things or leaving lights on etc because he hates wasting money. I know it's hard letting them find out the hard way but disorganised children grow into disorganised adults and it's always good to be organised and it's never too young to learn.