My family can't find where they put their own heads most days.

Spendless

victory wrote: »

If people treat you like a doormat it is because you let yourself be one

If I was a doormat I'd be posting here saying I'm fed up cos I lay their clothes out every morning, pack their school bags, and so on and they don't so it themselves. I'm not, what I'm saying is they go out of the house having forgotten something essential or are looking for it at the last minute. What I'm wanting to know is how to make them more organised. Msb got it right on the 1st page she gave me ideas fo force, co-erce them into it. I gave examples of what was going off to 'set the scene' so people didn't need to ask what areas I needed help in. I added more detail so people can see the whole picture eg that I have limited hearing so need to be close to people when I speak to them.

aliasojo

Spendless wrote: »

Jesus Christ. This is why I don't usually post on personal matters.

I can sense your frustration from here. :beer: < Empathy. :rotfl:

Just pick out the bits that help and ignore the rest. Sometimes people get a bit confused about what is advice and what is gum bumping.

Sambucus_Nigra

Whiteboard in kitchen.

Write down what they have to do and then leave it to them.

If they don't do things, get them up increasingly earlier in order to do them. This may or may not include cold water.

An 'every school day' list might not be a bad idea.

As a forgetful adult who has held down several high level jobs amid chaos - I can vouch for this system. Works for shopping and menu planning too...and for OH time management.

candjsmum

candjsmum wrote: »

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As my previous post that I wouldn't give my son any amount over £5 in cash to take, could you not then have phoned the school to ask who to make cheque payable to. On Thursday afternoon as I pulled into my drive from work I saw it in the footwell of the passenger side of my car.

You misundertood my second post. When you found it on Thursday afternoon why did you then not phone school to find out who to make cheque payable to to stop him having to take cash again on Friday!!

mountainofdebt

Spendless wrote: »

I'm not, what I'm saying is they go out of the house having forgotten something essential or are looking for it at the last minute. What I'm wanting to know is how to make them more organised.

Tbh I think that the only way for them to become more organised (or as my Oh would say how do I get them to wipe their own bums!) is for them - as others have said - to suffer the consequences of their actions.

Until they know they have you watching over their shoulder acting as a safety net, there is no incentive for them to change.

So, in the case of your son and his tie if he does get detention which means you going to get him he gets a punishment off you as well

Of course you could always try them at their own game and if they make you late for your commitments then you could be make them late for theirs

splishsplash

We (me and my three children) have a shelf and a drawer each in the living room.
When we tidy up downstairs, anything that doesn't belong gets chucked in the relevant drawer. Paperwork, library books, anything that needs an action is chucked on the relevant shelves. When we tidy upstairs, stuff gets chucked on the owner's bed.

Anything that comes for me to deal with is left on my shelf, then once I deal with it, I put it on their shelf.
If something has to be brought in that's not part of the routine, we write it on a note and stick it to the inside of the front door.
My eldest daughter now lives away from home, but still has her drawer and shelf, so knows exactly where to look for post, forms, as well as any outstanding business or lost/forgotten items.

I also ruthlessly de-clutter about four times a year. It makes it much easier to have a place for everything and everything in it's place, and makes it easy to pull out what's needed in an instant.

I have often had to run to the school with forgotten stuff over the years, and if I'm honest, much forgotten homework has been done in the mornings also. It never occurred to me to let my children stew in their own mess, especially at the age your children are at. They're still learning to be organized. I don't understand the attitude of 'that'll teach 'em' if they get detention or miss a treat or an outing as others seem to think. I think the horrible cold flush of realizing they've forgotten something is lesson enough.

I don't mean to be critical, but I think maybe expecting your husband to make a special trip to the kitchen to dispose of an empty yoghurt pot just because you wanted him to was a step too far. I think it's not reasonable to expect him to freeze/rewind when he could just chuck it in the bin on his next trip out of the room, or as part of a final tidy up for the night. It's a family home - a relaxed, happy atmosphere is far more important than an odd bit of stuff left lying around.

PS Of course you're not a doormat! Beware of becoming a martyr though, it's so easy to do. Set up your system, run with it, be prepared for glitches, help deal with slip-ups if you can, review, revise, revamp the system as a family as needed.

Spendless

candjsmum wrote: »

You misundertood my second post. When you found it on Thursday afternoon why did you then not phone school to find out who to make cheque payable to to stop him having to take cash again on Friday!!

As I pull into my drive it is 3.25pm. I then need to pick my 8yo up from Primary school which officially finishes at 3.30, it can be 3.50 before I am home. Secondary school finishes at 3.10pm, so I don't know even if someone would have been there at the time I was able to ring, who could answer my question. I am still unsure why you want me to 'baby' him even more? A cheque is my preferred option to pay but HE can find out who it's payable to, HE is there every day to ask the question. I am not. Isn't that what people are saying to me -leave the family members to sort themselves out instead of relying on me to think for them?

Sambucus_Nigra

Also, my mum used to do a 'don't go upstairs empty handed' and would leave things to go upstairs at the bottom, and we were all expected to take things upstairs on our way up - whether they were ours or not. I still do this and it does work well.

mountainofdebt

The other thing I did with Junior once was to pile all his stuff that was all over the house, in his bedroom doorway - made quite a pile!

He was about to step over it when he caught my Paddington Bear stare that I was giving him and decided that it was more diplomatic - and better for his health - if he side stepped it and put away without any further fuss!

Spendless

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Tbh I think that the only way for them to become more organised (or as my Oh would say how do I get them to wipe their own bums!) is for them - as others have said - to suffer the consequences of their actions.

Until they know they have you watching over their shoulder acting as a safety net, there is no incentive for them to change.

This is exactly why I'm asking for help. I say in my opening post that I cannot think for all 4 of us.

splishsplash wrote: »

I don't mean to be critical, but I think maybe expecting your husband to make a special trip to the kitchen to dispose of an empty yoghurt pot just because you wanted him to was a step too far. I think it's not reasonable to expect him to freeze/rewind when he could just chuck it in the bin on his next trip out of the room, or as part of a final tidy up for the night. It's a family home - a relaxed, happy atmosphere is far more important than an odd bit of stuff left lying around. It wasn't the yoghurt pot in isolation. It was just something that adds to general chaos, disorganisation as I explained earlier. They consider it acceptable to leave stuff lying about whether it's yogurt pots or car keys instead of putting them in their place -of course they then can't find what they need when they need it. Fair enough they are unlikely to need a used yoghurt pot again but if they were in the habit of putting everything in it's proper place after use -including items that belong in the bin then we wouldn't be having the sort of issues we currently have. DH wasn't watching anything at the point I told him to move the yoghurt pot. He has told me before that he'd move stuff before bed -only for me to come down in the morning and find he hasn't!

PS Of course you're not a doormat! Beware of becoming a martyr though, it's so easy to do. Set up your system, run with it, be prepared for glitches, help deal with slip-ups if you can, review, revise, revamp the system as a family as needed.

Thank you. We are currently in this process.