My family can't find where they put their own heads most days.

Savvy_Sue

onlyroz wrote: »

Kids - you've got an opportunity up until around the age of 15 to train them to be organised. If you do it all for them then they'll be in big trouble when entering the "real world" at 18 (whether that's university or a job). I've met plenty of extremely bright people who have been looked after by mummy for far too long, and can't find their ar*e with their elbow - and so getting college reports in on time is an impossibility...

Actually, some of them DO shape up. DS3 was always a nightmare, and didn't seem to care about consequences, but he's now at Uni and doing well, as organised as he needs to be. He's just as bad when he comes home however.

gallygirl wrote: »

This week my OH:
- couldn't find the lead to the computer, which was sitting on the sofa next to the computer
- couldn't find soup in the (ordinary sized) fridge
- couldn't find socks which were where I had told him, sitting on the side

:rotfl:

gallygirl wrote: »

Then again, I was tough with my kids from an early age. When they started to take too long to get ready I got wound up then decided to sort them out. Told them in the morning we were leaving the hosue at 8.30. At 8.30 I ushered them out of the house still with their PJ's on & put them in the car to take them to school. Cue hysterics all the way to school. Quick detour to quiet car park so they could put on the uniform I'd stuck in the boot earlier. Never had a problem again :cool:.

:rotfl: I made DS3 walk to school in his PJs one day, and the next just in his pants and top! He had a long coat on. Ushered him into a quiet corner to dress once we were there. His teacher thought that was a good idea, he was OK after that.

BTW, the way I remember things is to put reminders on my phone. Hundreds of them. Birthdays have a reminder a week beforehand. Jobs to do at work have a reminder at what might be a good time to do them. TV programmes I want to watch / record / change the channel on the Virgin box for go off 15 minutes before start time.

That's OK until I leave my phone at home ...

I put things I have to remember where I have to step over them. Obviously that doesn't work if there are lots of you. But shopping bags to go back to the car are hung on the back door handle, for example.

School tie, is there a hook where it could be hung? Or could he stuff it in his blazer pocket when he takes it off? Then he'd only have to 'remember' it after blazer or tie have been washed.

Mupette

Spendless wrote: »

and they are driving me insane with it. :mad: Every day they don't know where their keys, shoes, money, dinner tickets, homework etc etc are, usually as we are about to walk out of the door.

Take this week as an example I gave 11yo DS £30 to pay a school trip on Monday- he forgot to, on Wednesday night he told us he couldn't find the cash. It turned up in the footwell of my car, cos I'd asked him to call in my Grans on the way home on Tues and when I picked him up from there he'd gathered up some stuff and dumped it in my car. He asked me to get him some apples for cookery lessons which I did. He came home with them stewed and in a container borrowed from teacher. I mentioned this to DH who just said 'yes, he mentioned needing a container whilst you were out buying the apples' had either of them thought to get a container out and pack it in DS's bag or add it to the carrier bag with cooking apples in I fetched home -nope! This morning DS shouted bye and I asekd him to hold on-I wanted to check he had container with him to give back, took 1 look at him and said 'what's wrong with your uniform?' He didn't have his tie on. He attends a strict Secondary school and would have got a detention for no tie. Tonight I asked him if he paid the trip money? -yes and gave container back to teacher -nope.

Husband and daughter are no better. DH kept asking where his keys were so I asked him to put them on a key-ring so he could hang them up -like I do my own. He later confessed he'd lost them and didn't want to admit it. He only discovered where they were cos he had swapped cars with a colleague a few weeks back and his workmate was tidying his own car.

DD aged 8, was due to get her 50th merit point today but hasn't been awarded it cos she lost a point for forgetting to take her planner. I hadn't taken her to school this morning as DH was going to a Drs appt.

I have told DH I cannot do the thinking for all 4 of us. I work 30 hours a week. I take my elderly Grandmother shopping and call in on my parents as my mum has just had an op on her spine.

Help please!!:D

stop running around after them, if they forget things they have to learn to take the consequence, they can't learn if you are running around after them all the time.

Your DS will soon learn to have all his uniform after a few detentions


give them a few days of thinking for themselves.. sit back... dont do the thinking for them...

msb5262

splishsplash wrote: »

It never occurred to me to let my children stew in their own mess, especially at the age your children are at. They're still learning to be organized. I don't understand the attitude of 'that'll teach 'em' if they get detention or miss a treat or an outing as others seem to think. I think the horrible cold flush of realizing they've forgotten something is lesson enough.

I see what you mean but why does everyone expect a mum to do the thinking on behalf of the whole family?

I don't mind rescuing mine once in a blue moon but if they continually forget things without any consequences, they will never learn.

MsB

victory

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Also, my mum used to do a 'don't go upstairs empty handed' and would leave things to go upstairs at the bottom, and we were all expected to take things upstairs on our way up - whether they were ours or not. I still do this and it does work well.

We do that and the entire family know if it is on the stairs it needs to go up back in its place, if it is washing up it goes and put away, the stairs is the place to put it all and re-allocate:D

victory

victory wrote: »

If people treat you like a doormat it is because you let yourself be one

When I said that I meant all of us not you not me not us but every mum out there that has been in this situation that allows it to continue, I mean where does it say in the marriage contract you will work, keep house, run around after everyone in the family, think for them, pick up after them, wash for them, where is the 50/50 iin that? Where is the easiness? The compromises, well you do this and I will do that and the kids will have a list of chores and we will muddle along as best we can?

No one put you in charge as not me, no one said you have to think for 4 and keep it all going along so son does not get detention, so son can have his money in on time, so OH can eat a yog and not pick it up, no one wants to live like that, be the what do men call it? The nagger when all it is is repeating over and over again what has already been asked, then told, then suggested, then shouted and finally:mad:

Every single household has to have a routine, a place for things, an idea of where to find such and such, a special draw for batteries for the xbox or a laundry basket, no one can function properly if it is chaos and all for each other and not one for all....

Shoes not by the door in the shoe cupboard, not in then throw them out
Yog pots in bin not in there do not buy anymore
Lists in kitchen for chores, for school events on the calender, a huge family planner
Tie in blazer pocket if not hang it up
Keys talking key fob hung up along with coats not there throw them out
All mobile, ipod etc chargers out of the plugs and back in rooms, not there then put them in a draw and let them hunt and hunt until they get the idea...
You work, you look after your nan and then your mum, then your OH and then your kids and finally you, you are going to be so knackered you will not have the time for you, delegation and every person has a job, is responsible for job if not pocket money goes, it does not get replaced, you never buy it again that type of thing, stick to it and eventually it is worth it:D

msb5262

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

...the way I remember things is to put reminders on my phone. Hundreds of them. Birthdays have a reminder a week beforehand. Jobs to do at work have a reminder at what might be a good time to do them.

I do this too - and things like putting out the recycling boxes and/or wheelie bins go in my phone too.
Round here we have a system of one week grey bins, one week green bins...if it wasn't in my phone (with an instruction to repeat itself on a fortnightly basis), I'd never get the right ones put out.

The other thing I do with my phone is to look at it each night to see what's happening tomorrow, and each Sunday I look to see what's happening this week.
This is very helpful as I have a rotten memory.
I also put extra notes on the night before - for instance, tomorrow I'm at the dentist after work.
My phone will remind me about this at 7.15am...and I'll add another reminder for about half an hour before I need to leave work, as otherwise I would still manage to forget to go!

Admittedly this system does depend on remembering to take your phone with you - but you could always attach it to your keys so you can't go without it, or put a reminder on it to go off about the time you need to leave the house. Once you've got into the habit of taking your phone with you, it's all easy...(or at least a bit easier!)

HTH

MsB

Spendless

The house is now about 70% organised. DH is working away 3 days next week, so it may take till next weekend till complete the other 30% and keep on top of things.

DD now has a drawer in the hallway in which goes her bobbles and tangle teaser and any other bits. Has transferred her weekly agenda to her planner, which is in her school-bag and got her PE kit ready for the forthcoming week, which we have agreed she will take to school in a seperate bag and leave there till the end of the week.

DS doesn't wear a blazer (nor a coat!!) so a tie in pocket won't work. However we have somethign similar to this

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/9284717/c_1/1%7Ccategory_root%7CHome+and+furniture%7C14417894/c_2/2%7C14417894%7CStorage+and+shelving%7C14417975/c_3/3%7Ccat_14417975%7CHanging+rails+and+coat+hooks%7C14417976.htm

and I've cleared it out, so 3 of us can have a basket each and the 4th has a basket that sits on top where mainly things like gloves and hats go. DS's is nearest front door and his tie is to go in there so if/when he forgets it, it does not disturb me or the house trying to hunt it down.

Now DH today he 'lost' his mobile phone. He eventually found it in the pocket of some trousers. Several times all the light were left on upstairs when everyone was downstairs, a couple of times the radio was left on when no-one was in that area of the house and most disgusting I discovered twice the loo hadn't been flushed after use :mad: On each occassion I have asked who the culprit is and they have each denied it (though I do believe Mr S isn't guilty of the loo) but 1 of them has gone and dealt with it.

msb5262

Well done Spendless.

You've made a great start: now...

a) keep going with it and

b) don't get discouraged - it's not all going to happen overnight!

Try to reinforce to the children how pleased you are with them each time they put their stuff in the right place/make sure they're organised for the next event/get themselves ready in good time.

Tell them how much time it's going to save them and how much less stressed you feel already...and emphasise that it's very grown-up to organise yourself.

Small rewards will do no harm either - just think of it as rewarding them to learn good habits!

It sounds as if you are taking control of the situation very nicely, Spendless.

Hope you have a good week and get some more areas within your control!

Best wishes

MsB

Spendless

Thank you msb- I forgot to say I also 'pounced' when DH had his laptop on and asked for his week after next work agenda and logged them on the calendar- which I believe was also one of your ideas.

DS actually offerred to help clean the bath. :eek: He hates tidying but likes cleaning and it's an original 1930s bath in need of re-enamelling so it's a pig to clean. He did try negotiating for being allowed to play before homework if he did it but when that request was refused he still cleaned it and did a pretty good job.

Both kids have been praised for tidying their rooms, DD did hers eventually after keeping the whinging going for a very long time (she has stamina!) and then they both asked to do some cooking, which I agreed to and part-helped with. DS made apple juice after his attempt at making more stewed apple failed and DD was helped make a moshi monster sandwich - don't ask!

The whole family were getting sick of being asked to return upstairs to turn off lights, radios and flush chains. DH started grumbling but I reminded him of our conversation and how fed up I was with it -so he shut up.:D

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS

Hi Spendless, you must feel really pleased that you have managed to sort so much out so quickly. You will whip them into shape soon, but in the meantime, how about taking a bit of time out for you now. What would be a good reward to yourself for tackling this problem? A walk in the park, wood etc; a coffee at a posh coffee shop; an Indian head massage (I find these much cheaper than other massages and leave me feeling rejuvenated). Just something to recognise what you have achieved and reward yourself.

Good luck