Knowing where your child is

moomoomama27

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

By saying all of that you are saying that only you knows how to bring your children up properly. But do you really think that their own father cant dress them in appropriate clothing himself or take with them what they needed?

You seem to want to make yourself the only person who can....and that isn't good for the kids.

If my husband wanted to take them out he wouldn't have to ask my permission, he knows how to dress our children, he lives in the same house and would know in advance what was appropriate (hopefully)! However if I am dressing them for someone else I think possibly I'd need to know where they were going, somewhere nice (good clothes), somewhere messy (play clothes) for example!

I think it's a bit of a leap suggesting that just because you want to know where your children are going you believe only you are capable of looking after them properly!

mummyroysof3

well here we go again...MIL wanted to take kids out on wednesday as they were off school, bearing in mind that last time she didnt make her mind up what they were going to do until the last min i said i would ring her on tuesday to sort out what was happening. rang her tuesday to make arrangements and she said she wasnt telling me where she was taking them and they would tell me when they got home, i told her that unless she told me then they wouldnt be going(i did my best to stay calm and polite btw) i think she thought i was joking so i told her i wasnt and told me what town she was taking them to but wouldnt tell me where or what they were going to be doing. she said she had met me half way at that and then said she wouldnt bother then.

my feelings on the subject is that im their mother and if i want to know then i should be told and it now feels like not telling me is more important to her than actually taking the kids to wherever it was she planned.I think she thinks that i dont trust her but to me its not about trust and if i didnt trust her the answer would be no even if she did tell me..the secretsy is the problem more than anything.

i really dontwantto have tofall out with her but as harsh as it sounds she needs to accept that i am their parent not her.

Bumpmakesfour

I really do not get the whole not telling you thing.It's like some kind of power trip she's on having to have the upperhand...most odd.
Have you spoken to her since?

victory

Everytime she has taken them out and they have returned are they happy? Do they tell you where they have been? Do they have fun? Do they want to be with nanny?

If all the above is yes then strange as it is let them go have fun and find out when they get back how much fun they had, nought so queer as folk:D

Bumpmakesfour

victory wrote: »

Everytime she has taken them out and they have returned are they happy? Do they tell you where they have been? Do they have fun? Do they want to be with nanny?

If all the above is yes then strange as it is let them go have fun and find out when they get back how much fun they had, nought so queer as folk:D

So it wouldn't bother you that you weren't "allowed" to know where they are going?The kids having fun etc would have little sway on my decision tbh... afterall kids have fun doing inappropriate things and as their mums it's surely our job to decide what IS and ISN'T acceptable?If you have no clue where they're going till afterwards how can you make that decision?
Yes maybe the MIL deserves the trust,she raised her own kids blah de blah but still I'd feel uncomfortable with the MILs approach on this one.

adamantine

you do not take someone elses child somewhere without the parents knowing when where and how you are getting there.

the only time i dont know where my kids are is if they are having a sleep over at my parents house and they suddenly decide they want to take them somewhere which is totally fine. if they told me they were coming to get the kids and take them out but wouldnt tell me anything more than that then nope the kids wouldnt be going.

no way would i ever let her take the kids anywhere again.

mummyroysof3

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

I really do not get the whole not telling you thing.It's like some kind of power trip she's on having to have the upperhand...most odd.
Have you spoken to her since?

no i havent spoke to her,not sure how to approuch this one..asisaid idontwantto fall out with her

victory wrote: »

Everytime she has taken them out and they have returned are they happy? Do they tell you where they have been? Do they have fun? Do they want to be with nanny?

If all the above is yes then strange as it is let them go have fun and find out when they get back how much fun they had, nought so queer as folk:D

yes they are..but thats not the issue..if i thought she would make them miserable or let them come to harm etc then she wouldnt have been taking them out for the last 6 and a half years..thats not the issue

mrcow

I wouldn't take anyone else's children out without telling them exactly where i was going and when we'd be back. This includes all of my nephews/nieces who I am very, very close to.

If someone was playing silly sods and refusing to tell me where they were going with my own kids (or worse, told me one thing and then did another deliberately to be obtuse) then it's simple, they won't be taking anyone anywhere.

I wouldn't make a fuss out of it. You've told her that your daughter is not going. Let that be the end of it.

Caroline73_2

Maybe she was taking the child to buy you a Christmas present.

Birdy12

Caroline73 wrote: »

Maybe she was taking the child to buy you a Christmas present.

But it's the second time she's done this to the OP so it doesn't sound like it.

I'm with the OP on this, why the secrecy about where MiL is taking the children? Even it it's a surprise for the children, OP (or any mother) should still be told.

It does sound like some sort of 'power trip' going on there...just not sure why.