Knowing where your child is

Marisco

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

i dont know a better way to put this but doesnt me being their mother give me more right over saying what my children can and cant do? do i forfit that right when someone else looks after them?

and i dont think its a good idea to encourage children to keep secrets from their parents either tbh

i dont really understand what you mean either about alpha female thing cos imo in this house i am alpha arent i?

For heavens sake, what on earth do you think she is going to do with them? Sell them into slavery?? TBH if you're giving her orders of where she can and cannot take them, I'm not surprised she's secretive!!! If you don't trust her, then don't let her take them at all! If you do trust her, then leave it up to her own judgement where to take them. Maybe she picks up on your "hostility" and constant interrogation, and cannot be bothered with it.

I think a lot might be to do with the way you ask as well, if you say to her "mind, they cannot go here/there or do this and that" then I can well see why she won't tell you!! But if you say "oh where are you off to then"? in a reasonable manner, and then she said "I'm not telling you" in a nasty sort of way, then you have point. Otherwise just let them enjoy time with their gran, and if they are happy when they come home, then that's a result!

Bumpmakesfour

Marisco wrote: »

For heavens sake, what on earth do you think she is going to do with them? Sell them into slavery?? TBH if you're giving her orders of where she can and cannot take them, I'm not surprised she's secretive!!! If you don't trust her, then don't let her take them at all! If you do trust her, then leave it up to her own judgement where to take them. Maybe she picks up on your "hostility" and constant interrogation, and cannot be bothered with it.

I think a lot might be to do with the way you ask as well, if you say to her "mind, they cannot go here/there or do this and that" then I can well see why she won't tell you!! But if you say "oh where are you off to then"? in a reasonable manner, and then she said "I'm not telling you" in a nasty sort of way, then you have point. Otherwise just let them enjoy time with their gran, and if they are happy when they come home, then that's a result!

Umm why the heck shouldn't the OP be able to decide where her children go even if they are with their grandma??I like to know where my kids are too and if the person offering to have them wouldn't tell me where they were off to when asked straight out mine wouldn't bloomin go either!

Marisco

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Umm why the heck shouldn't the OP be able to decide where her children go even if they are with their grandma??I like to know where my kids are too and if the person offering to have them wouldn't tell me where they were off to when asked straight out mine wouldn't bloomin go either!

I'd be bloody insulted if my daughter or gd mother (son's ex) laid down the law as to what I could or couldn't do with my grandchildren!! It would mean they don't think very much of me, to have common sense enough not to do anything detrimental to the kids!! What would happen if she said "I'm not sure" would you refuse to let them go until you knew exactly where they were going?

Kay_Peel

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Umm why the heck shouldn't the OP be able to decide where her children go even if they are with their grandma??

Why stop at demanding to be kept informed about the children's movements? I'm surprised that the OP doesn't interrogate her about:
- what the children will eat
- who they'll talk to
- what they'll watch on TV
and so on......

or do you?

mummyroysof3

someone mentioned about the way i ask making a difference and i do ask not demand...this is the first time ive stood up to her usually she tells me then takes them elsewhere anyway..i think its about time i stopped letting her treat me like this tbh as the majority of the times she has taken the children out she has done something thats annoyed me and after 6 and a half years ive had enough of feeling like this

mrcow

Marisco wrote: »

I'd be bloody insulted if my daughter or gd mother (son's ex) laid down the law as to what I could or couldn't do with my grandchildren!! It would mean they don't think very much of me, to have common sense enough not to do anything detrimental to the kids!! What would happen if she said "I'm not sure" would you refuse to let them go until you knew exactly where they were going?

No - "Im not sure" is completely different to "I'm not telling you" or "We're going to do x" - when actually it's a complete lie.

Surely anyone can see that?

curlytop12

mrcow wrote: »

I wouldn't take anyone else's children out without telling them exactly where i was going and when we'd be back. This includes all of my nephews/nieces who I am very, very close to.

If someone was playing silly sods and refusing to tell me where they were going with my own kids (or worse, told me one thing and then did another deliberately to be obtuse) then it's simple, they won't be taking anyone anywhere.

I wouldn't make a fuss out of it. You've told her that your daughter is not going. Let that be the end of it.

totally agree with this post.

Marisco

mrcow wrote: »

No - "Im not sure" is completely different to "I'm not telling you" or "We're going to do x" - when actually it's a complete lie.

Surely anyone can see that?

Of course it's different, but what I cannot understand is, why has the op not asked her before now, why she won't tell her?? According to the op it's been going on for 6.5 years!!!! :eek: MIL can't be doing all that much wrong, the kids are ok and presumably still willing to go with her. So maybe MIL is fed up of constantly being asked for the nuts and bolts of everything, and thought "sod this"!! I'm not saying it's right, but I can understand it!! If the kids enjoy themselves with her, just go with it. We can only go on what the op has written, the MIL might be a right old bat, we don't know, which begs the question why this has been allowed to fester for six and a half years!

mrcow

Marisco wrote: »

I'm not saying it's right, but I can understand it!! If the kids enjoy themselves with her, just go with it.

Sorry no.

If someone is actively refusing to tell you where they are taking your children because of some sort of power trip, then sorry, they are not going anywhere.

Maybe as a grandparent, that's hard to hear. But the fact of the matter is that a grandparent doesn't get to decide whether or not a parent should know where their own child is.

pinkladyof66

I would not allow my little one who is 3 go out with anyone unless i knew where they were going ! So no you are not being silly ! As the parent you have the right to know where your child is being taken, what if it is somewhere you dont want them going or in fact somewhere you plan to take them in the near future.

I think it would be extremely rude not to tell your where your child is going, family or not. They should be telling you. If they were not willing to tell me I wouldnt let them take him.