Knowing where your child is

mummyroysof3

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Some Dads really can't. DH has been dressing small children for 6 years (plenty of practice) but still puts things on back to front or done up on the wrong buttons.

He's a fab Dad in most ways, but practical things aren't his area of expertise...

:rotfl: doeshe manage to get his own clothes on the right way though? my DH quite often asks where the kids socks etc are and my 6 year old knows lol

gratefulforhelp_2

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

:rotfl: doeshe manage to get his own clothes on the right way though? my DH quite often asks where the kids socks etc are and my 6 year old knows lol

I would like to say yes....

mummyroysof3

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I would like to say yes....

:rotfl::T :rotfl:

BugglyB

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

With respect, I disagree with this.

If a person is just mildly bad, I wouldn't leave my kids with them, MIL or not.

With respect, I said 'a relationship with them', I didn't say 'leave them with her'.

Unless you are intending to completely cut her off, you do have to be careful how you handle a difficult conversation - for the childrens sake.

*Louise*

3v3 wrote: »

You are talking about the child's GRANDPARENTS! Any mistakes they have made, they made with their sons/daughters and are least likely t make with their G/children! (Hey, those mistakes are *yours* to make ). Grandparents are the most likely to value the circle of life and are the most likely not to want to repeat any negative history you base your judgements on.

Or they could be more likely to repeat them since 'I did it with my kids and it didn't do them any harm'

My MIL thinks that because she has smoked around her on kids all their lives and 'they are okay' that it's okay to do it around mine. That's just one example. What about another time where she left DS1 on his own in a theatre while she went out to have a cig during the break? I know she loves him to bits, but sadly he comes second to her own wants/needs.


If I was taking out someone's child for the day I would think it common courtesy to say where we are going. Even if it wasn't decided I would still have a conversation saying so (oh I don't know yet, we're going to see where the bus takes us but I will have my phone on me).

Being open and honest is the main key to someone trusting another person with their child. If someone refuses just to be petty as it sounds like in the OP's situation, then I'm with the OP on this one.

jakes-mum

3v3 wrote: »

So, the question begs to be asked: do you not trust your mother or MIL? Do you truly think they have no comprehension of "emergency" issues? Bare in mind that the likelihood is they were parents who grew up in the shadow of the Moors Murders

Wow! Do you think that may well be a reflection on your insecurities rather than any (presumed) insecurities of your mother/MIL?

I have to confess, I am rather stunned by "mothers" on here who, without real tangible evidence on the contrary, genuinely question the abilities, safety and security issues of their offspring going out with a G/parent, if the exact whereabouts of the outing are not explicit!!!! I could understand it if it were a teenage babysitter from down the road; I could understand it if it were a "new" boyfriend ... but we're talking about a child's grandparent!!!!????

Should grandparents be CIB checked then? Would *that* make you feel more comfortable? Girls! *You* chose the father of your children: if you are not confident in the abilities of their mothers ... perhaps you should have thought about that before having their children????

Maybe, you should fast forward a generation and ask yourselves how you would feel if you wanted to take your G/C out for the day (not yet sure where) and you are put through the 3rd degree by your DIL? There is a huge issue of trust going on here!

Thankfully, statistics show that G/parents who abduct/abuse/ill-treat/murder their grandchildren are very, very few and far between!! More often than not it is the parents, or step-parents or babysitters. But, hey, let's not let that influence you when you are speaking about a child's G/Parent (who clearly may not have any idea what they intend to do with the children, only that they want to spend time with them, and therefore must be a cause of concern simply because they cannot be pinned down to a location at a given time!) ????

Since when did G/parents become such a cause for concern for welfare? I feel shocked, and a bit disturbed to be honest, at how little confidence women give their In-laws (yet, happily sleep with the in-laws sons and have their children!).

You are talking about the child's GRANDPARENTS! Any mistakes they have made, they made with their sons/daughters and are least likely t make with their G/children! (Hey, those mistakes are *yours* to make ). Grandparents are the most likely to value the circle of life and are the most likely not to want to repeat any negative history you base your judgements on.

So what if they want quality time with their grandchild but can't be pinned down to a time/place? Their problem? Or, does it merely reflect on the mothers of today who have no trust/faith/self opinionated?

Firstly no , I have no trust issue with my mother or MIL, but they have respect that I am the mother and I have a right to know where my children are. I do however have major health issues and a son who has lived through me being in and out of hospital and severly ill for most of his life, he does not cope with it well and coming home from a long day out to find yet again mummy has been admitted to hospital at 10am that morning is not something he would be able to look at rationally or calmly (we know this from experience when he came home from school to this). I'm not sure why its an issue with you that I and other mothers want to know where out children are, my mother also wanted to know my wearabouts as a child.


I am amazed that you think that every parent is the same and all should accept that relatives can take their kids anywhere they choose for any length of time they decide. People have reasons for needing to know and even if they dont, Parents are in charge of their children and what they say goes. No-one else has the right to tell people what they can or cant know about their own offspring.

EDITED to add: I would have no concerns about a future son or daughter in law being funny about me taking their children to an unknown destination as I would personally never do it as I believe a parent has the right to know where their kids are. I certainly wouldn't be affronted if they asked me 'where are you going today?' and why would I have any reason not to tell them anyway?

gratefulforhelp_2

jakes-mum wrote: »

Firstly no , I have no trust issue with my mother or MIL, but they have respect that I am the mother and I have a right to know where my children are. I do however have major health issues and a son who has lived through me being in and out of hospital and severly ill for most of his life, he does not cope with it well and coming home from a long day out to find yet again mummy has been admitted to hospital at 10am that morning is not something he would be able to look at rationally or calmly (we know this from experience when he came home from school to this). I'm not sure why its an issue with you that I and other mothers want to know where out children are, my mother also wanted to know my wearabouts as a child.


I am amazed that you think that every parent is the same and all should accept that relatives can take their kids anywhere they choose for any length of time they decide. People have reasons for needing to know and even if they dont, Parents are in charge of their children and what they say goes. No-one else has the right to tell people what they can or cant know about their own offspring.

EDITED to add: I would have no concerns about a future son or daughter in law being funny about me taking their children to an unknown destination as I would personally never do it as I believe a parent has the right to know where their kids are. I certainly wouldn't be affronted if they asked me 'where are you going today?' and why would I have any reason not to tell them anyway?

Well said.

My dear departed MIL thought the McCanns were just unlucky, should I have let her take my children on holiday?

jackomdj

Such a hard one this. With my parents I would not hesitate to let them have my children and would not need to know where they were going. If I was typing this in may I would have said the same about Oh's Mum, however now I have said she will NEVER have responsibility for them again. She was looking after them for 2 days whilst I was at work (only work 2 days a week), came home, OH had just arrived home so all stpod in hallway, youngest ran up to cuddle me with a handful of sweets, eldest ran up too & knocked the sweets, oh & I both said be careful, mil clipped her round the head!

We have never hit either of ours round the head, tbh all they get is a gentle tap on their hand, and what made it worse is she could not understand what was wrong with her actions! She did used to hit OH quite hard as he was growing up and knowing that she still finds it acceptable she will now never get the chance.

neverdespairgirl

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Some Dads really can't. DH has been dressing small children for 6 years (plenty of practice) but still puts things on back to front or done up on the wrong buttons.

He's a fab Dad in most ways, but practical things aren't his area of expertise...

Well, I'm sure it won't harm the children that much to have their clothes looking a bit odd (-:

My darling DS always comes home from swimming with his pants on back to front, which I can't help thinking must be rather uncomfortable. he's 6, too.

gratefulforhelp_2

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Well, I'm sure it won't harm the children that much to have their clothes looking a bit odd (-:

They still love him:rotfl: