Knowing where your child is

3v3

moomoomama27 wrote: »

WOW - You have issues!! I don't think anyone said they wanted to grill them, or didn't trust them, just that as a parent they would like to know where their children were! If it were a planned daytrip!

Is that really too much to ask? Does that make ''us'' bad ''mothers'', what does the '' '' mean anyway??

Do you know what? I think you might be quite right there; I do have issues

But, if you read all of my posts, rather than selecting just the one, you will see that a) I have tried to offer advice to the OP; and b) yes, I am genuinely shocked at women who have a need to know the whereabouts of their children even if it is the grandparents who are in the role of carers of their children. Nor do I make any apologies for my stance To call into question the abilities/capabilities or even the need to question where a G/parent takes the child is bordering on paranoia Do indeed question it if it is someone who you do not trust - but, G/parents per se???? World gone mad, IMO. Naturally you are entitled to yours

3v3

moomoomama27 wrote: »

Do you know this person? Not that it matters, what a horrid thing to imply, that she caused their father not to see them?

I read what she has written and drawn my own conclusions from it. It is not a "horrid" thing to imply - that is what she wrote and my intreptation of it. She wanted to know where he lived; he refused. (Why should he tell her?)

Clearly, you and I do not agree: let's agree to disagree then You've had your say; I've had mind: end of.

moomoomama27

3v3 wrote: »

She wanted to know where he lived; he refused. (Why should he tell her?).

There could be a whole host of reasons why. I would want to know, especially if there are trust issues with the father.

Sometimes it's nothing to do with worry/panic or paranoia, it could be down to practicality. Even if it was paranoia, that's no-ones fault. I am a very anxious person, sometimes, no matter who it is I need my mind put at rest.

I would want to know where my children were going if it was a planned in advance trip, so I knew how to dress them, what they would need. Not because of trust issues, also as one of mine has medical issues I would need to know if she required medication on the trip!

Janepig

My two (aged 8 and 5) have always had a day or two up in MIL's house over school holidays and sometimes they've said where they're going to be off to, if they have something planned, but other times they decide on the day and I don't know if they're going out or not. DS (the 5 year old) is there tomorrow and Wednesday and I haven't got a clue what they're going to do. Part of it is because FIL lives elsewhere, MIL doesn't drive, so it depends if he goes there and then they can go out in the car. Most of the time I find out where they went when they get home. They're always returned to me by about 5pm, and if I need to pick them up myself on the way home from work then I'm told in plenty of time. That's the important bit.

Personally I don't feel I need to be in control of my children's actions 24/7. MIL and FIL are easily contactable in an emergency which is all that matters to me. I'm not so conceited that I think that I'm the only person that can look after them appropriately.

Jx

mummyroysof3

obviously some people think that as long as they trust the person looking after their child they dont need/want to know where they are and thats upto them..its not a big deal to tell me so i dont understand why she wouldnt.

liney

I think this 'I need to know what clothes they should wear' is abit of a thin veil. If it's winter kids wear a jumper and coat and take hat and gloves when they leave the house, and if Grandma wants wellies she'll ask for them. I can't see why children would need 'specifics' unless it was swimming(!) and then it wouldn't be unusual for DS to appear with new trunks because they decided to go on a impromptu swim.

OP please don't take offense, but maybe MiL feels that you, by needing 'details' don't trust her to care for your daughter. Her attitude may be that 'If she's with me then she's obviously safe: why am I being forced make plans when I just want to go with the flow and see what the kids want to do when I pick them up.' Is your parenting style one of strict routine, when she prefers a more 'organic' approach?

doodoot

3v3 wrote: »

Moblie phones are a contemporary phenomenon: how on earth do you think people coped with your scenarios prior to this? It's do-able!

My nephew (similar age to me) died in a horrendous car accident when he was just 16 (I was 14). My mother - his g/mother - was located, informed and given appropriate details. This was back in the '70's. No, wait, I should have pointed out, my nephew died in the USA - my mother lived in the UK Mobiles (let along email and internet!) where not a medium of choice back then. If the circumstances demand it, trust me, there are ways of finding those who need to be told

Does it occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you are responsible for your children not seeing their father? No, of course not: you have justified your reasons for *needing* to know and deemed them far more superior than his reasons for you *not* to know I feel sad for your children - it was possible for things to have never reached this point Using mobile technology is nothing more than an excuse (in my book!) - we managed to get important information relayed, when it was necessary, despite not having mobile phone access. If you use that as an excuse, then you have to accept it is nothing more than that: an excuse!

Please do not get personal about my situation when you are not in full knowledge of the facts.

It is extremely rude, uncalled for and ignorant.

I was going to send you a personal message but here will do.

My sons do not see the man who fathered them for a number of reasons - the example given was one of them.

On lots of occasions he would tell me to tell them that he had died as an excuse for not seeing them as arranged, usually because he was on a drug/drink come-down and had forgotten to pick them up.

On another occasion he sent my eldest a text message to say that I had HIV and had given it to my youngest son, and that my eldest should see a doctor to get checked.

Then there was the time that he rang up to say he was 5 minutes away in his car and had a shotgun with him and was coming to kill us all...it was my then 7 year old who he said this to.

Suffice to say the Police were called many times due to his behaviour, and my sons have only recently finished therapy because of everything.

So considering that it was him who gave up contact, pray tell me, how exactly am I responsible for that man not seeing his sons?

moomoomama27

doodoot wrote: »

Please do not get personal about my situation when you are not in full knowledge of the facts.

It is extremely rude, uncalled for and ignorant.

I was going to send you a personal message but here will do.

My sons do not see the man who fathered them for a number of reasons - the example given was one of them.

On lots of occasions he would tell me to tell them that he had died as an excuse for not seeing them as arranged, usually because he was on a drug/drink come-down and had forgotten to pick them up.

On another occasion he sent my eldest a text message to say that I had HIV and had given it to my youngest son, and that my eldest should see a doctor to get checked.

Then there was the time that he rang up to say he was 5 minutes away in his car and had a shotgun with him and was coming to kill us all...it was my then 7 year old who he said this to.

Suffice to say the Police were called many times due to his behaviour, and my sons have only recently finished therapy because of everything.

So considering that it was him who gave up contact, pray tell me, how exactly am I responsible for that man not seeing his sons?

I agree I thought it was a totally ignorant and nasty thing to say. You don't have to jusitfy yourself, no one does, how we feel about our childrens safety is up to us, what's in our comfort zone only we know. It's not a crime to care about where your children are even if they are with a trusted person.

rachbc

If I trust someone enough to take my child out then no I don't expect them to tell me what they are doing because I know it would be ok.

MarilynMonroe_2

She's lied previosuly so you've EVERY right to ask and be answered... just as you have every right to say she can't take them if she wont answer the question. xx