Knowing where your child is

gratefulforhelp_2

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

MIL is playing silly !!!!!!s and wont say where she taking my 4 year old tomorrow and SIL 3 year old...dispite both of us stating we need to be told..just wondering if we being unreasonable

Good that you and SIL are on the same page. She is running the risk of you saying no to the outing.

Maybe she is taking them to get you both presents, but daft to ask 3 and 4 year olds to keep a secret.

My mum, who I'm really close to, would never expect me to say yes to a "secret" destination.

mummyroysof3

well i dont tell the kids in advance of such outings anyway just incase it gets cancelled for any reason and it also stops them asking constantly if its time to go yet lol

sil 3 year old has health problems too so thats an extra worry for her i think

why my kids have kids i would never dream of taking them anywhere without their parents knowledge

3v3

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

its the being secretive bit that i have a problem with more than anything..she has lied to me in the past too

Hmm, well, if it's the lying thats been a problem, even if she did tell you where she was taking them, you'd never feel 100% certain that she actually is! (At least you know where your SIL gets it from and why yoru OH says not to listen to her )

mummyroysof3

Spendless wrote: »

Can I ask why you feel you need to know other than you feel you should (as the child's parent) know? I am just wondering if this is a battle of wills, and the more you press the point the more stubborn MIL becomes? What does your OH think by the way?

also im interested as to if there is a reason why i dont need to know where my kids are

mummyroysof3

3v3 wrote: »

Hmm, well, if it's the lying thats been a problem, even if she did tell you where she was taking them, you'd never feel 100% certain that she actually is! (At least you know where your SIL gets it from and why yoru OH says not to listen to her )

:rotfl: yeah you are right but i told my hubby if she ever did that again then she would never look after them again and he agreed..it was a long time ago and he had words with her about it too

plus FIL is going to and he wouldnt stand for her doing it

skintchick

If she really won;t tell, you, just have yur child only in a nappy/pant or PJS until she arrives, then say 'oh, I didn;t know what clothes to choose, where are you going again?' and not get them dressed teill she tells you.

I would also say what time they are to be back. When my parents have taken DD , 2, out I have been happy not to know exactly where cos it's only round here so town or park, but I do say 'bring her back by 5pm for tea'.

But then, my mum texts throughout the day as though from DD, telling me what she's been doing, so I always know where they are anyway.

It's very odd of your MIL to withold that info and if it were me, my DD wouldn't be going if she wouldn;t tell me.

Marisco

I think there is a difference as well in the way it's said. If it's jokey "ah I'm not telling you" sort of way, or "I'm not sure yet" then it's different from saying "I'm not telling you" seriously IYSWIM. The first could mean it's a surprise of some sort, but the second just sounds bloody minded, and very childish. Could she be taking them somewhere she knows you don't want them to go? But even that doesn't really make sense either, as you'd just stop them going with her. Have you asked her why she won't tell you?

3v3

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

:rotfl: yeah you are right but i told my hubby if she ever did that again then she would never look after them again and he agreed..it was a long time ago and he had words with her about it too

plus FIL is going to and he wouldnt stand for her doing it

Aha! Ureka moment then .... ask OH to ask his Dad where they are going

Actually, I've been thinking about this (and I'm well aware as a GM myself, I could have a biased POV ).

How about when MIL calls up and asks: "Can I take DGC out on ThisDay?" instead of giving a yes/no answer straight away, you say:
"Oh what a lovely idea! Where do you plan on going?"
If she's evasive: "I'm not sure yet."
You: "Well, when you've decided, let me know and then I can give you a definate answer".

After all, at 4yo (assuming she's at nursery?) she is making her own little friends and that involves her going places with her friend/their Mum/you. Now, I know from experience that these little outings can take their toll on little ones, so, you always have the "backup" of saying (when you know where they're going and if it doesn't suit you)
"Oh that would have been so lovely, but she's out x amount of times that week as it is and she would get overtired and be miserable/cranky for you. Another time though!"

I do have to say, as a GM, you get to enjoy your DGC in ways you couldn't enjoy your own children and it is a relationship that is well worth its weight in gold to a growing child (well, if it's healthy and not dysfunctional, of course!). One more thing, for all our faults (either as parents, or In-Laws, or even G/parents) *we* have feelings too

Another option is to simply state: "If you want to take her out, that is great, but, as her mother, I worry; so please, do let me know where you plan on taking her when you ask to take her out". After all, you are a grown up and you should be able to say that ( in a nice way, of course!) and you should both be able to work things out. Ultimately, both you and MIL care deeply for the child: and *that* is what really matters

jakes-mum

Firstly, yes I expect to know where my children are going if it is not with me or DH (but even DH will say 'im taking the kids to maccy D's etc' and I expect DS to take his phone if its not with a family member.

When I read OP I thought it was about a friends mum :eek: No my mother nor MIL have ever taken my kids and said 'im not telling you where'. If either of them did I think i'd be inclined to say 'sorry they are not going, I need to know where you are incase of an emergency your end or our end'

moomoomama27

It wouldn't matter to me who was taking my children, I would want to know where they were going! I would want to know so I knew what to dress them in, what to give the person for them, and how long they would be. I think as a parent that's not too much to ask!?