Knowing where your child is

3v3

jakes-mum wrote: »

Firstly, yes I expect to know where my children are going if it is not with me or DH (but even DH will say 'im taking the kids to maccy D's etc' and I expect DS to take his phone if its not with a family member.

When I read OP I thought it was about a friends mum :eek: No my mother nor MIL have ever taken my kids and said 'im not telling you where'. If either of them did I think i'd be inclined to say 'sorry they are not going, I need to know where you are incase of an emergency your end or our end'

So, the question begs to be asked: do you not trust your mother or MIL? Do you truly think they have no comprehension of "emergency" issues? Bare in mind that the likelihood is they were parents who grew up in the shadow of the Moors Murders

Wow! Do you think that may well be a reflection on your insecurities rather than any (presumed) insecurities of your mother/MIL?

I have to confess, I am rather stunned by "mothers" on here who, without real tangible evidence on the contrary, genuinely question the abilities, safety and security issues of their offspring going out with a G/parent, if the exact whereabouts of the outing are not explicit!!!! I could understand it if it were a teenage babysitter from down the road; I could understand it if it were a "new" boyfriend ... but we're talking about a child's grandparent!!!!????

Should grandparents be CIB checked then? Would *that* make you feel more comfortable? Girls! *You* chose the father of your children: if you are not confident in the abilities of their mothers ... perhaps you should have thought about that before having their children????

Maybe, you should fast forward a generation and ask yourselves how you would feel if you wanted to take your G/C out for the day (not yet sure where) and you are put through the 3rd degree by your DIL? There is a huge issue of trust going on here!

Thankfully, statistics show that G/parents who abduct/abuse/ill-treat/murder their grandchildren are very, very few and far between!! More often than not it is the parents, or step-parents or babysitters. But, hey, let's not let that influence you when you are speaking about a child's G/Parent (who clearly may not have any idea what they intend to do with the children, only that they want to spend time with them, and therefore must be a cause of concern simply because they cannot be pinned down to a location at a given time!) ????

Since when did G/parents become such a cause for concern for welfare? I feel shocked, and a bit disturbed to be honest, at how little confidence women give their In-laws (yet, happily sleep with the in-laws sons and have their children!).

You are talking about the child's GRANDPARENTS! Any mistakes they have made, they made with their sons/daughters and are least likely t make with their G/children! (Hey, those mistakes are *yours* to make ). Grandparents are the most likely to value the circle of life and are the most likely not to want to repeat any negative history you base your judgements on.

So what if they want quality time with their grandchild but can't be pinned down to a time/place? Their problem? Or, does it merely reflect on the mothers of today who have no trust/faith/self opinionated?

doodoot

Regardless of who it is taking my boys out - they're 10 and 13 - I want to know where they're going.

I have sole parental responsibility and need to know.

What if my MIL takes my kids out somewhere, doesn't tell me where and doesn't take her mobile with her (which she never does in case she loses it!).

I have a car crash or my hubby goes into a diabetic coma - this almost happened last week.

How the hell am I supposed to tell the appropriate people where to go to get my boys?

Or even what time they are due back if MIL hasn't told me?

I had this problem with my XOH - he had fortnightly access and would lie about where he was taking the boys, and got them to lie too.

He would say they were going to his mum's, but he was taking them to his new house that he shared with his new girlfriend and her 2 girls.

When my solicitor told him to disclose his address for security reasons - I didn't mind them going there at all - he told us all to stick it and hasn't seen them since...that was over 2 years ago.

Sublime_2

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

oh and its not that i need an exact time but was wanting to know if she be home for tea so i can take that into account when planning what we having..she always rings me when she on way to let me know whan to expect so thats ok

Thats a valid point, as its important to know whether your children will want dinner or not. Mine always love to tell me about where they are taking my kids, as love to treat them, and always give me a rough indication of times. I would hate to have them come home hungry, when I thought they had had lunch/dinner etc. It would make me feel awful.

Also, its important to know roughly waht sort of place they are going to, as need to attire, kit them out suitably for the day. I wouldn't be pedantic, if their paternal grandparents were unsure what they were doing, as long as they gave me a vague idea.

There are so many places to take kids, but I always like to make sure mine are suitably attired, prepared for the occasion. For a park visit, would be jeans, cool top, trainers, and a cardi/Jacket, plus drinks, snacks, etc. For going in the city would dress up a bit smarter/cooler, with some pocket money (although never needed).

To deliberately refuse to tell you is weird. End of.

liney

doodoot wrote: »

Regardless of who it is taking my boys out - they're 10 and 13 - I want to know where they're going.

I have sole parental responsibility and need to know.

What if my MIL takes my kids out somewhere, doesn't tell me where and doesn't take her mobile with her (which she never does in case she loses it!).

I have a car crash or my hubby goes into a diabetic coma - this almost happened last week.

How the hell am I supposed to tell the appropriate people where to go to get my boys?

Or even what time they are due back if MIL hasn't told me?

I had this problem with my XOH - he had fortnightly access and would lie about where he was taking the boys, and got them to lie too.

He would say they were going to his mum's, but he was taking them to his new house that he shared with his new girlfriend and her 2 girls.

When my solicitor told him to disclose his address for security reasons - I didn't mind them going there at all - he told us all to stick it and hasn't seen them since...that was over 2 years ago.

In senario 1 you would give the authorities your Mother's or MIL's home address. I'm pretty sure the 'authorities' wouldn't be tracking them down in the local play barn anyway.

In senario two, if they were with their Father and contactable by phone, then actually wouldn't they be deemed 'safe' regardless of who's house they are in?

Maybe I just have really good parents/Inlaws, but if they announce 'We're off out" I trust their judgment, and no they don't have a phone glued to them the whole time.

Spendless

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

also im interested as to if there is a reason why i dont need to know where my kids are

They are out on a day trip with granny. Is there are a reason why you need to know their exact whereabouts? eg if they are nut allergy sufferrers I can see you'd want to know if they are being taken to a woods/park where there are nut trees or if they can't swim and MIL is a poor swimmer I can see you'd want to know if they are being taken to a swimming pool. What exactly is MIL doing? Are you saying 'where are you going'and she's answering 'not totally sure' or is she saying 'I'm not telling you' or is she saying 'it's a surprise'. As an outsider looking in it seems to be shades of grey rather than black and white.

Spendless

liney wrote: »

Maybe I just have really good parents/Inlaws

Or maybe you just have common sense? :whistle:

Sublime_2

liney wrote: »

In senario 1 you would give the authorities your Mother's or MIL's home address. I'm pretty sure the 'authorities' wouldn't be tracking them down in the local play barn anyway.

In senario two, if they were with their Father and contactable by phone, then actually wouldn't they be deemed 'safe' regardless of who's house they are in?

Maybe I just have really good parents/Inlaws, but if they announce 'We're off out" I trust their judgment, and no they don't have a phone glued to them the whole time.

I trust mine, and am very lucky, although not been with their father for nearly two years now. They say their probably taking them to such, or such a place for a day, although not always certain, and give me a rough indication, that they will bring them back after dinner/supper. I don't expect them to give me a blow by blow itinery, but i like my children to be suitably attired for whatever they may be doing.

Its good to have great paternal grandparents. Trust mine implicitly, always helpful. Not everybody is so fortunate though.

moomoomama27

3v3 wrote: »

So, the question begs to be asked: do you not trust your mother or MIL? Do you truly think they have no comprehension of "emergency" issues? Bare in mind that the likelihood is they were parents who grew up in the shadow of the Moors Murders

Wow! Do you think that may well be a reflection on your insecurities rather than any (presumed) insecurities of your mother/MIL?

I have to confess, I am rather stunned by "mothers" on here who, without real tangible evidence on the contrary, genuinely question the abilities, safety and security issues of their offspring going out with a G/parent, if the exact whereabouts of the outing are not explicit!!!! I could understand it if it were a teenage babysitter from down the road; I could understand it if it were a "new" boyfriend ... but we're talking about a child's grandparent!!!!????

Should grandparents be CIB checked then? Would *that* make you feel more comfortable? Girls! *You* chose the father of your children: if you are not confident in the abilities of their mothers ... perhaps you should have thought about that before having their children????



Thankfully, statistics show that G/parents who abduct/abuse/ill-treat/murder their grandchildren are very, very few and far between!! More often than not it is the parents, or step-parents or babysitters. But, hey, let's not let that influence you when you are speaking about a child's G/Parent (who clearly may not have any idea what they intend to do with the children, only that they want to spend time with them, and therefore must be a cause of concern simply because they cannot be pinned down to a location at a given time!) ????

Since when did G/parents become such a cause for concern for welfare? I feel shocked, and a bit disturbed to be honest, at how little confidence women give their In-laws (yet, happily sleep with the in-laws sons and have their children!).

You are talking about the child's GRANDPARENTS! Any mistakes they have made, they made with their sons/daughters and are least likely t make with their G/children! (Hey, those mistakes are *yours* to make ). Grandparents are the most likely to value the circle of life and are the most likely not to want to repeat any negative history you base your judgements on.

So what if they want quality time with their grandchild but can't be pinned down to a time/place? Their problem? Or, does it merely reflect on the mothers of today who have no trust/faith/self opinionated?

WOW - You have issues!! I don't think anyone said they wanted to grill them, or didn't trust them, just that as a parent they would like to know where their children were! If it were a planned daytrip!

Is that really too much to ask? Does that make ''us'' bad ''mothers'', what does the '' '' mean anyway??

3v3

doodoot wrote: »

Regardless of who it is taking my boys out - they're 10 and 13 - I want to know where they're going.

I have sole parental responsibility and need to know.

What if my MIL takes my kids out somewhere, doesn't tell me where and doesn't take her mobile with her (which she never does in case she loses it!).

I have a car crash or my hubby goes into a diabetic coma - this almost happened last week.

How the hell am I supposed to tell the appropriate people where to go to get my boys?

Or even what time they are due back if MIL hasn't told me?

I had this problem with my XOH - he had fortnightly access and would lie about where he was taking the boys, and got them to lie too.

He would say they were going to his mum's, but he was taking them to his new house that he shared with his new girlfriend and her 2 girls.

When my solicitor told him to disclose his address for security reasons - I didn't mind them going there at all - he told us all to stick it and hasn't seen them since...that was over 2 years ago.

Moblie phones are a contemporary phenomenon: how on earth do you think people coped with your scenarios prior to this? It's do-able!

My nephew (similar age to me) died in a horrendous car accident when he was just 16 (I was 14). My mother - his g/mother - was located, informed and given appropriate details. This was back in the '70's. No, wait, I should have pointed out, my nephew died in the USA - my mother lived in the UK Mobiles (let along email and internet!) where not a medium of choice back then. If the circumstances demand it, trust me, there are ways of finding those who need to be told

Does it occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you are responsible for your children not seeing their father? No, of course not: you have justified your reasons for *needing* to know and deemed them far more superior than his reasons for you *not* to know I feel sad for your children - it was possible for things to have never reached this point Using mobile technology is nothing more than an excuse (in my book!) - we managed to get important information relayed, when it was necessary, despite not having mobile phone access. If you use that as an excuse, then you have to accept it is nothing more than that: an excuse!

moomoomama27

3v3 wrote: »

Does it occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you are responsible for your children not seeing their father? No, of course not: you have justified your reasons for *needing* to know and deemed them far more superior than his reasons for you *not* to know I feel sad for your children - it was possible for things to have never reached this point Using mobile technology is nothing more than an excuse (in my book!) - we managed to get important information relayed, when it was necessary, despite not having mobile phone access. If you use that as an excuse, then you have to accept it is nothing more than that: an excuse!

Do you know this person? Not that it matters, what a horrid thing to imply, that she caused their father not to see them?