Knowing where your child is

JB1971

When I was a child, I used to go out with my nan. One of our favourite things to do was just get on a bus and see where we ended up! She had her bus pass and I was too young for a fare so it was free! In the summer, we would set off just after 9 am, and not come back til early evening. My parents never had a clue where we were! Similarly, when my nephew was young, I used to take him with me everywhere - no particular plans, just hanging out together! I would have been mortified if his parents had questioned our movements - if I'm responsible enough to care for him, then I am responsible enough in any location/situation!

QuackQuackOops

moomoomama27 wrote: »

There could be a whole host of reasons why. I would want to know, especially if there are trust issues with the father.

Sometimes it's nothing to do with worry/panic or paranoia, it could be down to practicality. Even if it was paranoia, that's no-ones fault. I am a very anxious person, sometimes, no matter who it is I need my mind put at rest.

I would want to know where my children were going if it was a planned in advance trip, so I knew how to dress them, what they would need. Not because of trust issues, also as one of mine has medical issues I would need to know if she required medication on the trip!

By saying all of that you are saying that only you knows how to bring your children up properly. But do you really think that their own father cant dress them in appropriate clothing himself or take with them what they needed?

You seem to want to make yourself the only person who can....and that isn't good for the kids.

MarilynMonroe_2

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

By saying all of that you are saying that only you knows how to bring your children up properly. But do you really think that their own father cant dress them in appropriate clothing himself or take with them what they needed?

You seem to want to make yourself the only person who can....and that isn't good for the kids.

Theres a very good chance he's useless at these things, plenty fathers are, some don't have a clue! and if she is the main caregiver then she'll know best. It's not about 'wanting to make herself the only person who can' ... theres a good chance she IS the only person who can.

VfM4meplse

3v3 wrote: »

Are you suggesting that Grandchildren are not a "most precious gift" for Grandparents?

Far from it, but the legal responsiibility for the child's welfare is with it's parents and not a manipulative grandmother who chooses to behave like a child herself.

neverdespairgirl

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

Theres a very good chance he's useless at these things, plenty fathers are, some don't have a clue! and if she is the main caregiver then she'll know best. It's not about 'wanting to make herself the only person who can' ... theres a good chance she IS the only person who can.

I think this is stance a lot of mothers take in order to fill their existential voids.

mummyroysof3

accidents can happen with anyone so its not like im saying she wont do her best to keep them safe i just like to know wether they are at the local park or 100 miles away..as a responsible parent i think i have the right to know that. also i dont think the i havent decided yet washes really as when she gets in the car from my house surely she knows which way she is headed and when you take young children out you have to have some sort of planning in place. and also someone mentioned if the place they went was closed and they went elsewhere then in that case i would expect a text yes but if they called to tesco on way home or popped into visit someone i wouldnt...im happy with her telling me they going to country park then back to her house.

tbh i would never expect to take someones child out without telling them my plans and i wouldnt have to be asked as i would give the information freely.

BugglyB

Just on a side note, be careful about your SIL and listening to tales from her. Essentially you need to bare in mind that unless MIL is truly awful and endangers your childrens life and is completely irresponsible, you still want them to have a relationship with her.

If you have a genuine concern, and you're upset she was akward with you, ask OH to have a word with her with you. Keep it non personal and stress how much you appreciate her taking them out and how much they love her, but that you do need to know as a minimum, what sort of time she will come, ie between 10 and 11, and what sort of place the kids are going.

In terms of them having a cold or whatever, she will presumably have seen and taken care of children with a cold before. Trust her that she loves them and won't have them stood outside shivering.

mummyroysof3

BugglyB wrote: »

Just on a side note, be careful about your SIL and listening to tales from her. Essentially you need to bare in mind that unless MIL is truly awful and endangers your childrens life and is completely irresponsible, you still want them to have a relationship with her.

If you have a genuine concern, and you're upset she was akward with you, ask OH to have a word with her with you. Keep it non personal and stress how much you appreciate her taking them out and how much they love her, but that you do need to know as a minimum, what sort of time she will come, ie between 10 and 11, and what sort of place the kids are going.

In terms of them having a cold or whatever, she will presumably have seen and taken care of children with a cold before. Trust her that she loves them and won't have them stood outside shivering.

yeah i do try to not get wound up about things that dont matter and not listen to SIL too much...the reason i pointed out to her about DD having a cold was cos as we havent seen or spoke to her all week she didnt know so wasnt going to send DD with her without telling her, it was relevant too as on friday DD didnt wantto play outside at school so dont want MIL driving her to a park then DD refusing to get out of the car :rotfl:

gratefulforhelp_2

BugglyB wrote: »

Just on a side note, be careful about your SIL and listening to tales from her. Essentially you need to bare in mind that unless MIL is truly awful and endangers your childrens life and is completely irresponsible, you still want them to have a relationship with her.

With respect, I disagree with this.

If a person is just mildly bad, I wouldn't leave my kids with them, MIL or not.

gratefulforhelp_2

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

By saying all of that you are saying that only you knows how to bring your children up properly. But do you really think that their own father cant dress them in appropriate clothing himself or take with them what they needed?

You seem to want to make yourself the only person who can....and that isn't good for the kids.

Some Dads really can't. DH has been dressing small children for 6 years (plenty of practice) but still puts things on back to front or done up on the wrong buttons.

He's a fab Dad in most ways, but practical things aren't his area of expertise...