Knowing where your child is

mummyroysof3

Birdy12 wrote: »

But it's the second time she's done this to the OP so it doesn't sound like it.

I'm with the OP on this, why the secrecy about where MiL is taking the children? Even it it's a surprise for the children, OP (or any mother) should still be told.

It does sound like some sort of 'power trip' going on there...just not sure why.

its well more than the second tbh..really dont know how to sort this out

Bumpmakesfour

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

its well more than the second tbh..really dont know how to sort this out

You sound like you can be pretty straight with her and if you told her flat out..if you do not tell me where you are taking my children they do not go..then tbh I'm not sure either!
How was your relationship pre kids?Was there any kind of power struggle going on over OH?Just wondering if this is her rather warped way of keeping the upper hand and maintaining her role as alpha female?

onlyroz

When my parents have either of my kids for the day I don't always ask where they are going or what they would be doing, and I wouldn't expect an in-depth report of what they had done or where they had been either.

However, if they refused outright to tell me what they were up to then I would think that to be very strange and I would have concerns. I don't think it's unreasonable to know where your children are at any particular time, purely incase there was some sort of emergency and they needed to be contacted.

Mojisola

The problem is that, if you insist on knowing where they're going, she'll tell you anything to keep you happy and then take them wherever she really wants to go.

I can't understand why she's playing such silly games with you. Some people have "trigger points" that cause them to over-react because of past experiences - has she had bad experiences in the past with people not trusting her when she wasn't doing anything wrong? That could make her resent you not trusting her.

If she's just being an awkward so-and-so I don't think I'd let her take the children out, especially if she's taken them places that you're not happy about.

Lunar_Eclipse

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

its well more than the second tbh..really dont know how to sort this out

I think you've done all you can and there's not really anything to sort out.

You've made your point clear and it's basically up to her whether she's prepared to let you know where she's taking your children, or she doesn't take them. Don't worry about it. I wouldn't say anything unless asked; if she asks, calmly state the above (again.)

If you do engage in a discussion about it, I'd be keen to understand the reasoning behind her secrecy. I can only assume it is about power, but either way, it is most bizarre.

mummyroysof3

Mojisola wrote: »

The problem is that, if you insist on knowing where they're going, she'll tell you anything to keep you happy and then take them wherever she really wants to go.

see if that happened..which it has in the past i would, if given chance tell her that if she lyed to me again they wouldnt go out with her again. at least then she cant say she wasnt told/warned

im unsure ifi should ring and ask to talk about it or just not contact her then carry on as normal next time we speak, will need to ring her next week about something.

babymoo

I take my 9mnth old niece out once a week or 2 weeks and my mum does the same. Long as we are contactable we are never questioned as to where we are going or what we are doing. She has to be back for 7 unless she's staying over and that is all fine.

On the other hand I wouldnt dream of not telling my SIL if I actually knew we were going somewhere specific.

onlyroz

babymoo wrote: »

On the other hand I wouldnt dream of not telling my SIL if I actually knew we were going somewhere specific.

That's the thing. There's a difference between not mentioning where you are going, and refusing to say if specifically asked.

jellyhead

I wouldn't feel the need to ask where my parents or inlaws were taking my kids (although it's rare that they go somewhere that we don't want to go to too, especially the inlaws, my OH is a big kid) ... I trust grandparents to look after the children and none of them did a bad job of raising OH or myself ... however I do find it really odd that she won't tell you!

What does your OH think about it? She is his mother, let him sort it out. Does she have a weird power struggle kind of relationship with her daughter too?

I see no need for her to lie about where she's going ... change her mind by all means but a quick text message can let you know about the change of plans. I don't understand her need for secrecy.

mummyroysof3

jelly head she doesnt ever offer to take me and kids anywhere and would prob be annoyed if i asked to tag along so i dont.

i dont understand why it has to be a secret either tbh...in this thread ive mentioned my SIL telling me things she has done to upset her but hubby says he thinks shes telling lies and trying to cause trouble..im not so sure tbh now