Knowing where your child is

liney

Did it occur to you this time of year she may have been taking the kids to buy you a Christmas present?

I know you have been down this road before, and have commented that I think 'with their Nan' is good enough for me. But surely by admitting that you know they aren't in danger you are actually just butting heads over who is 'Top Alpha Mommy/Granny'!

Just let them have their bit of fun and take advange of a few child free hours now and again.

mummyroysof3

when imo that doesnt need to be kept a secret does it? not enough to miss out on the time with them anyway.

do you really think i should let her do what she wants even if it upsets me and goes against what i decide as their parent?

Bumpmakesfour

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

when imo that doesnt need to be kept a secret does it? not enough to miss out on the time with them anyway.

do you really think i should let her do what she wants even if it upsets me and goes against what i decide as their parent?

Nope...like you said if she REALLY really wanted to spend time with them she'd have told you but instead she chose not to.Her loss x

Kay_Peel

There must be something behind your MIL's wish to keep you out of the loop.

Does she see you as controlling or fussy? Does she think that you won't approve of where she intends to take them? Or is she a laid-back sort who doesn't plan but decides things spontaneously? I'd give her the benefit of the doubt unless she's an irresponsible grandmother. Let it go, ignore the wind-up, and don't even ask the question anymore.

I was once crest-fallen when a Mum informed me that her little darling would not like the outing or the meal that I had planned. Apparently her son was easily bored and a fussy eater. Cheeky mare!

Suffice to say that he had a brilliant time and cleared his plate of meat and two veg, followed by apple crumble and custard. His mother was open-mouthed when I told her. To tell you the truth, I felt a little triumphant when she gasped: 'Carrots? Whaddya mean he ate carrots? He hates carrots!'

GobbledyGook

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

when imo that doesnt need to be kept a secret does it? not enough to miss out on the time with them anyway.

do you really think i should let her do what she wants even if it upsets me and goes against what i decide as their parent?

I don't. Although I've had a nightmare with my MIL so I am a little biased.

A Grandmother should not be points scoring over a child's mother imo.

I wouldn't allow my children to go out with someone who is deliberately not telling me where they are going. Being vague is one thing, changing plans for last minute reasons is one thing, but stating that they won't tell you where they are going is just rude imo.

Granny has turned it into a big deal by stating she won't share the information so (imo) as a mother I'd be thinking that there has to be a reason she won't share that. That reason is either that she knows I'd object to where she is taking them or what they are doing or she doesn't see that I, as their mother, have the right to know where other people are taking my children.

What does your OH think about this? Has he spoken to his mother about the ridiculousness of her stance?

Marisco

I can't understand what all the pu$$yfooting is about!! Why not just ask her outright why she won't tell you! There is a world of difference between not quite sure (which I frequently didn't) and out and out refusing! TBH I cannot recollect gd's mother ever asking, she knew gd would have fun and that I'm not a daft sod, and it wouldn't occur to my daughter to ask! It was usually a case of "enjoy yourselves and be good for Nana"...... as if!! If she's not sure then let it go, but if it's a refusal then ask her straight, why?

liney

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

when imo that doesnt need to be kept a secret does it? not enough to miss out on the time with them anyway.

do you really think i should let her do what she wants even if it upsets me and goes against what i decide as their parent?

Let's say it was Christmas shopping, just because you don't think it needs to be kept a secret doesn't mean Granny or the children don't, and would find it more exiting.

I just don't see why you are getting upset without any actual reason other than "I'm their Mother so I demand to know".

You sound as bad as each other to be honest, hence the Alpha Female remark.

mummyroysof3

i dont know a better way to put this but doesnt me being their mother give me more right over saying what my children can and cant do? do i forfit that right when someone else looks after them?

and i dont think its a good idea to encourage children to keep secrets from their parents either tbh

i dont really understand what you mean either about alpha female thing cos imo in this house i am alpha arent i?

Ms_Chocaholic

Fizzpop wrote: »

I would expect to be told regardless of who i trusted to have my children, my parents or his parents or uncles aunts or in the case of my eldest her dad.

I think its common courtesy to let someone know where you are taking their children and maybe a rough idea of when they will be back that way if anything untoward was to happen you could put in place steps to find out whats going on.

I dont do it so much with grandparents (either side) but i do like to know when, where and how long.

If they weren't prepared to tell me where they were going then they would not be allowed to take them simples.

And that includes my eldest's dad,

I wonder Fizz if you keep the dad of your eldest informed about where you take your daughter.

Skippycat

I don't think that you are being at all unreasonable expecting to know where your MIL is taking the children. Your MIL has 2 options, either she can tell you / SIL where she is going and have a lovely day out with the kids OR she can continue to be difficult and sneaky in which case she misses out. To be honest I think it's very sad that your MIL would prefer to miss out on spending quality time with the grandkids rather than answer a simple question as to where they are going. If your MIL is going to make a habit of being so secretive and unreasonable then perhaps it is better that the children don't spend too much time with her.