DD wore my perfume!

January20

Kaz2904 wrote: »

See, I honestly didn't know that real people actually had these at home until a work friend was on about wearing her batteries out :eek:
I must have a really sheltered life
I'm more concerned about her finding the 64 chocolate oranges in my wardrobe!
She found one of her teeth recently after going into the cupboard above DH's side of the bed. Along with the note written to the tooth fairy. You don't learn anything nice from rummaging through other peoples stuff.

:

Does she make a habit of rummaging around the cupboards in your room then? I think that's really quite bad if she does because I believe there are things that are not for a child to see or know about, and I don't mean a sex toy. It could be paperwork, letters, etc. I also fully agree with the poster who said that parents are not just mum and dad but they are also persons who are entitled to some private space.

puddy

its not just that though, even if there was nothing to find, this child is virtually 10 and should be respectful of other's things

she obviously has a plethora of her own trinkets and 'stuff' so clearly understands about having and wanting 'things' so she needs to respect other peoples things

System

Oh I've shouted too lol, to no good effect, it just made me feel better ! But I've found that the reasoned argument works best over time ...my own mum had something I don't, one 'NO' from her and I never did it again..what ever it was.

re hiding Christmas presents, I was a curious child and went looking for my present when I was about 9...I found it (Thunderbirds rocket), unwrapped, and then had to pretend 'surprise' on Christmas morning... the sense of 'loss' of that lovely anticipation meant I never went looking ever again

Kaz2904

Mojisola wrote: »

Isn't today's perfume episode the last straw in what sounds like a long-running issue?

Kaz - as talking obviously isn't the desired effect, does she have anything that you could use so that she might understand how you feel when she takes your stuff?

If not, I'd talk less and take action sooner. If she takes anything else, stop her favourite activity - no discussion, no argument, just action.

Like what for instance though? Obviously not a friends birthday party because that would be a massive over reaction and make me a monstrous parent.

redbull5

Your her parent! If you cant deal with this situation on your own and without help from strangers on an internet help then personally i dont think you mature or sensible enough to be a parent.

Its a minor incident and youve dealt with it.! sorry i might seem like an absolute w**k but get a grip

puddy

if you are absolutely sure that you have made the rules about using other's things explicit (including you using her hairdryer) AND that this is adhered to consistently by others in the home....

then you make explict that from now on you're having a fresh start and you would like her to ask if she wants to use anything of yours in your room

if she cant stick to this then you will have a list of sanctions and consequences to put in place

you need to be explicit about rules and expectations and what happens if they are not stuck to

but you have to stick to them too!

System

Maybe get her some cheap eau de parfume for xmas (boots have loads and some actually smell quite nice) That way she will feel "grown up" but a)won't feel the need to borrow yours and b)its a hell of a lot cheaper than some Vera Wang! :eek:

I can understand there needs to be boundaries (my mum got a lock on her door-when it was locked you didn't go in!) though i remember many a happy time sat at my nan's dresser trying on her (old) lippy

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

My mother was very much 'it's MINE! Keep out! My stuff! Mine! Mine! Mine!'. Everything was secrets and making sure that nobody else had something.

As us children all had to share, we didn't have any privacy. As an adult, she would open my post (as she still does my brother's - he's 55), because she says it's her right and it's her house so she owns all the post that comes in her door.


I had a field day on many an occasion when she went out as I got into my early teens.



Well, there were all these exciting secrets and treasures to discover, weren't there?

Had she caught me, never mind parties, she would thrashed me with a metre rule she kept specially for the purpose.

But it was worth it.




My children have played makeup. Perfumes, everything in my room. I wrap presents so there are no surprises ruined. I personally don't see the harm.

Kaz2904

Oh jojo, she got a letter today inviting her to join guides. My kids love opening letters addressed to them . I open DH's mail because he never gets around to it. If it's a handwritten letter I leave it though. Maybe because it looks more personal? IDK.

ETA: I don't want to be an "It's mine it's mine" person and have everything locked away. I can't bear the thought of having to put up locks everywhere. She is old enough to be able to respect personal belongings. I respect her stuff she can respect mine. I knock before entering her room (mainly so I don't knock her out with the door as she's generally posing in front of her mirror!).

ETA (again): DS is 2 years younger and he understands it. He always asks DD if he can borrow her DS or any of her games. She always asks him too. It's my stuff she doesn't think about asking to use. I suppose DH's aftershave doesn't have the same appeal!

digitalphase

Obviously your original post was written in anger, and you have since calmed down. Sending her to bed was certainly punishment enough for her 'crime'.

I understand you want to keep somethings to yourself, and your anger and or disappointment that she lied. However, children will be children, and they want to play and be like mum and dad etc, and they will often lie if shouted at

Explain to her that you'd rather she didn't help herself to your perfume, as it's hard to come by or something (don't have to say expensive), but you'd let her have a squirt next time you go out somewhere nice.

I'd guess she just got carried away pretending to be mum; drying her hair at a nice dressing table with mum's hairdryer, oops just a little squirt of scent to smell like mum...

It did sadden me to read this after coming on here for something a little more light hearted before bed. I just read about and watched the horrific video of a toddler in China being run over 3 times, and no one helping her. She's now on life support.

If I hadn't read your further posts my initial reaction really would have been - STEP BACK AND APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE. As watching that video made me sick to the stomach, and I think that the little girl's mother would do anything for her little girl to be trying on her perfume now...