DD wore my perfume!

mrsgreentoad

Rockporkchop wrote: »

It's not often I am lost for words but I am absolutely gobsmacked about how you are over reacting to this.

She is a nine year old girl and has had a squirt of your perfume, it's hardly the crime of the century. Sending her to bed was more than punishment enough - for goodness sake stop there. All this talk of invading your personal items, it's ridiculous and sounds so childish. And so what if your DD wants to try on your clothes? Surely all little girls want to be like their mums as they are growing up. My girls are always trying on my shoes, jewellery, lipsticks etc. And I don't care - I get pleasure from their fun and enjoyment because they are more important to me than all the material possessions in the world. If I didn't want something touched I would store it out of reach anyway.

Why don't you post this on Mumsnet AIBU and see what response you get on there?

op are you for real hoping this is spam!! she is 10 that is what girl do! i think its you tht needs the punishment:D

Lotus-eater

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

......

Definitely no need for that IMO.

Kaz2904

Just editing this post to point out that dirtysexymonkey felt the need to come on here and post that my Aunty was clearly psychotic and that I should ring social services now to take my DD away from a moronic and probably abusive parent. S/He has either had the post removed by abuse or has lost their nerve and removed it themselves. Hope this clarifies my reply as it looks a little odd otherwise

Clearly.

Either that, or I did something wrong. Broke my Aunties favourite (or only, I can't remember) lipstick. She was upset because having 3 of us to bring up she didn't have the money to just go out and replace it. I remember her being upset. She didn't shout at me but she was upset.
We are very close. That woman raised my sister and I when our Mother crawled inside a bottle. She taught us right from wrong and showed us how to love. We didn't even know how to cuddle when we were small and used to go all stiff. She was the one who went through teenage years and driving lessons. GCSE revision and driving me to the hospital when I went into labour with DD.

I'm terribly sorry that you find me a moron. I'm just off to phone social services now so they can collect her from school so she doesn't have to suffer the injustice of living with a potentially abusive psychotic woman like myself.

Kaz2904

Sorry, just wanted to add that I hadn't sent DD to bed in anger, but had sent her to bed because it was actually past her bed time (it was about 8.40) and she needs her sleep. She gets really tired if she doesn't go to bed and sleep by 8.30 and then we all have an awful morning because she's slow and grumpy.

My original post wasn't written in anger, I wasn't having a rant. I was trying to get across the history of why I feel she needs to be punished properly for this seemingly trivial incident. I also pointed out that it wasn't about the perfume. The reason I mentioned what she has and what activities is not an "Oh poor me thing, I have nothing" but is to try and point out that she does actually have plenty of her own belongings. I was trying to show that she wants for nothing really to save people posting that at her age it was time she had her own bits of froofy things (we all know how nice it is to have a bit of sparkle in our lives right ).

Obviously, it has been read as a rant by everyone who has responded to it for which I am sorry. Will just point out again that I haven't shouted at her at all about this incident.

moomoomama27

Kaz I'm with you. I would have reacted the same, because it's not about the perfume, it's about the lying!

My eldest DD is terrible for that, she'll swear blind she hasn't done xxxx when it's blindingly obvious she has! It's so frustrating when it keeps happening, so although maybe others see it as OTT, when it culminates, it becomes something bigger than it probably should be.

I'm still going through this, and as yet have found nothing that just nips it in the bud, so to speak. I just keep reinforcing the rules, and giving an appropriate 'punishment', when she can't stick to the no lying.

Most of the things my DD has lied about have been petty, but you really don't want that to be a trait. I understand, it's so frustrating, I hope you get a breakthrough with her!

Ignore the fools who call you a bad mother, it's easy to insult on the internet!

Red_Doe

I didn't see it as a rant, and in fact thought you were asking for help to reinforce boundaries that are beneficial to all children. Imo, it isn't ok for kids to believe they can take/play with/ keep everything that catches their eye. How are they to learn to respect not only others' property when older, but the feelings of others, if we don't teach them whilst they're young?

moomoomama27

Red_Doe wrote: »

I didn't see it as a rant, and in fact thought you were asking for help to reinforce boundaries that are beneficial to all children. Imo, it isn't ok for kids to believe they can take/play with/ keep everything that catches their eye. How are they to learn to respect not only others' property when older, but the feelings of others, if we don't teach them whilst they're young?

Totally agree!

My DD's love dressing up in my clothes, my eldest borrows mine! They love trying out makeup and perfume, but with my permission! It's not a free for all, and it's not an excuse that they should take something that dosn't belong without asking beacsue they want to be like me!

It's clear the OP and her DD have girly time, it's also clear that her DD was caught lying and then continued to lie! I cannot believe that some posters are having a pop at her for wanting advice about how to reinforce the rules!

Chuzzle

I've only read the first page of this. But I don't think the op is over reacting.... She is trying to teach her daughter some respect of other peoples items. I was never allowed in my parents room without asking first is that such a huge deal? I respected their privacy in not wanting me in their room. Ok so at the age of 11 I had a mirror in my room but I still had to borrow my mum's hairdryer - asking to borrow something is only polite isn't it? I would never DREAM of using mum's perfume without asking first.

Regarding punishment I do agree with others that sending her to bed is enough. You need to sit down and talk to her about it, I also agree that you should try using/borrowing something of hers without asking to prove your point.

I think its the lying that has annoyed OP more than anything.

kafkathecat

Interesting. I don't punish my son and he rarely if ever lies to me. This used to worry me as lying is a normal developmental stage that children go through but apparently he can and does lie so it's all good.

Chuzzle

January20 wrote: »

Actually, most posters are correct she is only 9, but if at 9 she is unable to listen to you and do as you ask/ expect then you have to take action because otherwise you will find yourself with a 12, then 16 yo etc who will think that she can do as she pleases and disregard your wishes.

Although, I do agree that cancelling her party is ott, I think she needs to understand that she cannot take what doesn't belong to her. I also think that for you it's the fact she didn't ask (I can't understand how other posters can't see this!) and then lied about it (showing she knew she had done wrong) that is the problem. You have already spoken to her on numerous occasions, to no avail and I think you just need to give her a taste of her own medicine.

OP, I would also ignore the people who say that your views/ upbringing are weird. They're not. You have your own set of principles and you are trying to bring up your daughter to be respectful of other people and their belongings. Can't see what is weird about that and I think there is a touch a ganging up on you because a mob mentally has developed on this thread. Ignore it!

Hear, hear 100% totally agree on this one.:T