DD wore my perfume!

Lirin

Didn't read you as having a rant either- and can understand perfectly why you want boundaries and respect set. DSD will ask now if she wants to borrow anything of mine- she's 11- and understands that by that, I'll ask the same if I need to borrow her stuff.... When she was younger it was a problem!

Any

I can't believe some of the posts on here!!!!!

Sorry, but the girl is 10 next month and obviously has absolutely no respect to her mother and her parent's items. The way I read the OP was that this is the last straw that broke camel's back, and lying so obviously when no one in their right mind would think they can get away with it (when you can smell it) is definitely the last straw. Every child needs to learn respect to other peoples items, or one day you will end up with ban to other children's houses because your child behaves like they own the place, steal and lie.

I do think that the reactions on this thread were complete over reaction!! No help what so ever.

BTW psychotic auntie would beat the child and/or scare it senseless, because the aunt showed emotion does not make her psycho at all, it shows the child that their actions have consequences and upset people.

OP - I do think that you sending her to bed early is punishment in itself. I would be upset over her obvious lies and I would let her know that. Perhaps you can again have a word, and tell her that as she does not appreciate your feelings you are from now on locking your bedroom until she respects you and your items and asks first.

Yes, trying mummy's stuff and clothes is what little girls do - but not all of them lie about it.

Mupette

OP how does your daughter react if you husband told her off/spoke to her...

i have read alot about how you deal with her, and a mention of hubby getting her spray to test to see if she was lying...

Perhaps you both need to sit down and talk to her, both of you show a united front against her lying, both of you make her very aware of the lies and the concquences of it.

and a total ban from going into your room for the forseeable future, put the vera wang right out of reach, take the temtation out of the play.
if she needs to use your hairdryer again, you get it and let her use it where you can see her.

i didnt want to say anything in this thread until i saw you had calmed down.

I was petrified of my mother, she did a hell of a lot more than you did, but i'm the daughter who wore the scars for a good 30 years....
screwed my life up with relationships with anyone from friends to partners, my mum would punish me and continue to punish.. long story but do the one punishment and stop.

Lunar_Eclipse

Kaz2904 wrote: »

a
It's about boundaries really isn't it? I've lost count of the things of mine which have been broken (a locket I was given on my wedding day for one) by small children trying it on on their way back from the toilet. Nice clothes ruined by them heaving them out of the laundry basket for some reason and then walking mud on them.

I would have thought that most parents have a ban on certain items of theirs which they won't let their offspring use. Mine happens to be my perfume. Clearly I'm odd though.
Thanks for the advice guys.

It was really interesting reading your reply, because a few things jumped out at me.

Firstly, I have two girls (10 & 11) and have never done any of those girly dressing up things with either of them. They've never shown any interest, then again I don't have a dressing table or a girly area that they might have been drawn to when they were younger and spent a lot of time dressing up. I'm not sure whether I think it's reasonable to expect them not to rummage around such an exciting area (to them) or not tbh. Sparkly, pretty things are to be enjoyed afterall.

Secondly, I don't know if we've just been lucky, but I've never had things ruined through careless behaviour like you describe, that I can recall anyway. I have a few pieces of very expensive jewellery that I would be upset about if they were badly damaged/lost, but those are either on me (eg engagement ring) or hidden away out of sight so don't cause an issue (not for the children, just to keep them in a safe place.)

Finally, we don't have any items, or areas of the house that are specifically banned from the kids. Our house is very relaxed. Nothing is valuable or precious (to us) and I also think that could easily increase their appeal!

I have several fairly expensive perfumes and creams in the bathroom, in the £40-100 range. The 11 year old quite likes looking in my drawer and trying them out occasionally. I've told her I don't mind, but that I'd like her to be careful with how much she uses and when she uses them (last thing at night seems a bit of a waste to me!) So far, she has been respectful of my wishes. I haven't made them the forbidden fruit, partly because I really want to instill kindness and sharing in my children and I'm doing it in the easiest way possible by not making anything out of bounds.

Just sharing how we live here.

moneypuddle

A week in the slammer - most def!

Life's too short. Put your perfume out of reach if you dont wanther to use it.

Gemmy_2

I think your also over-reacting to this a little bit... but its your personal preference and its up to you how you bring up your family.

If it matters to you that much i'd sit her down when everythings calmed down and just tell her how much it means the perfume means to you, and if she'd like to use it in the future could she please ask you?.. treat her like a adult with it.
Ask her how she would like it if you just used/wore/played with her most treasured item without asking?

Kaz2904

Re-reading it, I suppose there is a word missing.......... unsupervised.
Do you really let your children use expensive dangerous items without supervision? We don't because if they don't know how to use them, they will run the risk of breaking them. The same as I don't use something at work I haven't been shown how to use.
The breakages of all of my jewellery have happened over the years. All jewellery is away in a cupboard now which I can't get to because it's got loads of decorating stuff in front of it and has been for ages. I have told DD that she mustn't touch my things when she's alone because I don't want them broken or overused. She doesn't touch my makeup.

Lunar Eclipse, do you think that you would feel differently if you only had 1 expensive perfume and you found your DD spraying it everywhere and lying about it? It's not 1 squirt we're talking about here! It's also not 1 squirt before going out somewhere nice, it's loads and right before bed! It's just wasteful (IMHO).
We're pretty relaxed here too. (Yeah I know everyone's going to think I'm talking utter rubbish now) and no room is out of bounds. I do ask that nobody uses my make up, perfume or jewellery though. It is mine and has been bought for me as gifts. Therefore has sentimental value too. The make-up is because I've seen the state of DD's make-up and don't want mine looking like that. Also because the colours I wear are entirely unsuitable for her skin tone. And I don't want her using mascara at all really. Specially as she's not got good eye sight or light in her bedroom so would probably take her eye out!
I still don't think that that's too much to ask.
Any punishment she gets will be for the lying. If she doesn't own up to it by bed time, she will be punished. She wasn't sent to bed early, she was sent to bed because it was past her bed time.
Once again, I'll point out that she hasn't been punished or even told off for the use of the perfume. Later on, I will sit her down again and ask her to respect my things. I will point out again that I don't want her to play with my stuff when I'm not there and that she is not allowed to just help herself to other peoples belongings.
If she doesn't own up, I will make it clear that her punishment is due to the lying.

DH was asking her this morning whilst I was making breakfast. I could hear him saying to her "Well you explain it to me then, you go upstairs and use the hair dryer in our room in front of the mirror next to Mum's perfume. You then come down with the smell of Mum's perfume all over you. What happened. Everyone else was downstairs. So you tell me what happened and how the perfume has got everywhere.". He is backing me up on this because he doesn't want to encourage lying either.

euronorris

She may be embarassed that she got caught. I can remember a few incidents from my childhood, where I lied when questioned because I was too embarassed to admit the truth. Doesn't make it right, of course, but could be the reason she's not backing down.

And, I know you've explained to her that it's yours, and she has her own sprays etc, but maybe it's not about the smell so much as it is about being like Mum. You know, Mum wears the nice, expensive perfume, so I want to wear it too. Perhaps you can explain that if she is not going to respect the boundaries, and is going to lie about it, then you will have no choice but to remove the privilege of using it altogether.

pimento

Vera who???

clearing_out_my_pockets

OP whilst I have no comment on your issues with your DD, have you seen this website? It has some great smell-alikes on it. You can either get them as EDP or as perfumed oils.

http://www.perfume-parlour.co.uk/cheap-edp-spray-for-women/prod_49.php

http://www.perfume-parlour.co.uk/perfume-oil-for-women/perfume-oil-for-women/prod_481.php