DD wore my perfume!

dizziblonde

My mother's always borrowing MY stuff (and never gives it back) - so far last year I've lost two pairs of shoes and a blooming nice dress to her wardrobe!

Seriously though - my mother would have gone ballistic about the lie. She was never precious about not-lending me her stuff, but I always had to ask first (shame she doesn't repay this favour but hey-ho can't have everything) which I think's pretty fair. The lying she'd have come down on like a tonne of bricks though.

hitatotatus

If it is the lying that is you main concern, this is my experience which may be of some help in your situation.
You have to let her know that you KNOW she is lying and leave it at that. This may be better approached as a long game.
My son and I got into an unhealthy behaviour pattern where he was lying to me simply because it was easier and he didn't want to explain himself to me = regular confrontations. I told him I knew he was lying as mums can always tell when their kids are lying to them (not true, actually!!) and eventually he did end up confessing (maybe days/weeks later).

He is such a mild mannered child and up until about 11 I never had any problems with him re discipline/bad behavoiur so to suddenly have him lying to me was a challenge. I would often shout and tell him off and say, this is not acceptable, (blah, blah, blah he obviously heard, as it never really stopped him).

FFwd 2 years - there is still the occassional lie. He just finds it easier than having to explain himself - however, he has found that the lie often grows into more problems for him and, again, he is forced to confess. Having got fed up with this, I realised that it was often my behaviour/reaction that was either causing him to lie, ie because he didn't want to explain, or because he was afraid of my reaction (getting angry, if, for example, he hadn't got a good grade or had forgotten his kit and got a telling off from the teacher).
It was easier for him to tell a lie - because he was afraid of me . I felt awful about this as otherwise we have a very good relationship. He is approaching being a young adult, and I have made him afraid of me!!
I have recently sat him down to talk about this and said I realise it is my actions that are having a impact on him and that I will promise not to scream and shout and, even tho I might not always agree with what has happened, that I will not judge him WHATEVER it is he has done.

Lets face it, we all make mistakes and sometimes don't think of the consequences, especially when we are young. Let her know she is free to make mistakes, as this is how we learn, and that you can only help her to learn from them if she is honest. Then wait. HTH

raven83

WOW OP you would HATE to live in my house then, i have daughters, nearly 9, 7 and 5 and they are always in my bedroom spraying my perfume and wearing my jewellery and lip gloss, its part of growing up for gods sake! Infact i often make jokes out the fact everything i get my girls always want to use but i wouldnt have it any other way! I was the same when i was little i used to go into my mums room and look through her drawers at her jewellery and make up it was like a treasure trove to me, you really are over recacting, if i had punished my girls everytime they used something of mine then they would live in their bedrooms! Seriously the other day i was in the 99p shop and brought my daughters a bottle of perfume each OMG they were made up with it and i said now they have their very own big girls perfume like mummy they were really thrilled! They don't know it cost 99p! Just get over it and look at it like this, your daughter is wanting to be like her mummy hence using your perfume! Can't think why though if this is how you react to a few squirts of perfume!

Mojisola

raven83 wrote: »

WOW OP you would HATE to live in my house then, i have daughters, nearly 9, 7 and 5 and they are always in my bedroom spraying my perfume and wearing my jewellery and lip gloss, its part of growing up for gods sake! Infact i often make jokes out the fact everything i get my girls always want to use but i wouldnt have it any other way! I was the same when i was little i used to go into my mums room and look through her drawers at her jewellery and make up it was like a treasure trove to me

This is the difference - you don't mind if they use your stuff.

If they had been told not to touch something without asking you first and they did, how would feel then because that - and the lying - is the issue, not the perfume.

3v3

Kaz2904 wrote: »

...
What is a suitable punishment for her to show her I really do mean business and that rummaging in my stuff and using my personal belongings is not allowed? Do I go as far as cancelling the birthday party she is going to on Sunday?

What does the birthday party have to do with what happened with your perfume?

My mother gave me the very best wisdom regarding children: if you don't want them to touch it/break it ... keep it hidden and out of sight!

If the perfume was so special (and that's nice that it is!) and only used rarely - being out and on show in your room isn't the best place for it (dark, cool place is best).

If you don't want her rummaging in your room, make your *room* out of bounds - not your child Unfortunately, it is you that has blurred the boundaries of what is yours and what is yours that she has access to

She's 9yo. Keep all things in perspective

Kaz2904

Thanks raven83. She has her own perfume sprays. She also has her own make-up. She has her own jewellery too and more of it than I do. I don't wear costume jewellery so my jewellery is all gold or silver and therefore expensive. The only things I actually have now which haven't been broken are my Pandora bracelet with 3 beads, my wedding and eternity ring (I don't take these off) and a pretty necklace I got for my 30th from a friend. I'm not allowed to wear jewellery to work (apart from my wedding band) hence the fact that things would be taken off and put in the case on my bedside table. That's all broken and why I brought in the rule of not touching my stuff unless I'm there.
It was like a treasure trove to me too looking at my Aunties stuff but other than her lippy which I broke, I didn't go through her things because I understood she was upset when it got broken.

Like I keep saying, it's not about the perfume, It's about the lying.

Aimless

Mojisola wrote: »

This is the difference - you don't mind if they use your stuff.

If they had been told not to touch something without asking you first and they did, how would feel then because that - and the lying - is the issue, not the perfume.

Exactly, it isn't about perfume, it's about rules and boundaries. When you set a rule, whatever the rule is, you expect it to be kept, however tempting it is. Ok perfume might be alluring to a small girl, but there'll be lots of other less safe temptations later in life, better they learn to control themselves now.

Kaz2904

Mojisola wrote: »

This is the difference - you don't mind if they use your stuff.

If they had been told not to touch something without asking you first and they did, how would feel then because that - and the lying - is the issue, not the perfume.

Aimless wrote: »

Exactly, it isn't about perfume, it's about rules and boundaries. When you set a rule, whatever the rule is, you expect it to be kept, however tempting it is. Ok perfume might be alluring to a small girl, but there'll be lots of other less safe temptations later in life, better they learn to control themselves now.

What they said! Thanks guys, you've put it better than I have obviously.

janninew

I agree with others who say that they lying is more serious than the spraying of the perfume. I would have been punished as a child if I lied to my parents. Can you not buy her her own 'grown up' perfume? Next have some lovely perfumes, in lovely bottles and are only cheap.

sassyblue

Kaz2904 wrote: »

Like I keep saying, it's not about the perfume, It's about the lying.

You need to hide your perfume and keep hiding it in different places because if she finds it she won't tell you (you'd probably smell it though :rotfl:).