DD wore my perfume!

January20

jamespir wrote: »

is it lying or just fibbing we all fibbed as children

does it make any difference? She still didn't tell the truth when what she had done was obvious.

mrcow

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I think the lying about it is pretty serious, too, though.

Me too - and to be honest, if she's still lying about it this morning and hasn't apologised for doing so I don't see what's so awful about a second punishment - she's had the whole night to sleep on it.

My son is the same age as the OPs daughter and I would have no hesitation in stopping him going to a party if I had noticed a serious deteriation in behaviour that involved lying and poor attitude that I thought warranted a punishment for a particular culminating incident. And tbh - once I'd made that decision, I'd not give in through guilt.

I've had children not come to my house for parties/sleepovers before because their parents have stopped them as a punishment, and when I've been told, I completely understood. Grounding is a very effective punishment for a slightly older child.

A 9 year old lying to you on a regular basis is not a pleasant thing. It's not nice to have to dish out consequences (no one likes doing it) but it's far better than brushing it over like it doesn't matter.

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

mrcow wrote: »

Me too - and to be honest, if she's still lying about it this morning and hasn't apologised for doing so I don't see what's so awful about a second punishment - she's had the whole night to sleep on it.

My son is the same age as the OPs daughter and I would have no hesitation in stopping him going to a party if I had noticed a serious deteriation in behaviour that involved lying and poor attitude that I thought warranted a punishment for a particular culminating incident. And tbh - once I'd made that decision, I'd not give in through guilt.

I've had children not come to my house for parties/sleepovers before because their parents have stopped them as a punishment, and when I've been told, I completely understood. Grounding is a very effective punishment for a slightly older child.

A 9 year old lying to you on a regular basis is not a pleasant thing. It's not nice to have to dish out consequences (no one likes doing it) but it's far better than brushing it over like it doesn't matter.

I can understand why the child would be anxious to own up to anything with a parent who gets seriously hung up about stuff as the OP does.
As for the perfume incident,thats totally normal with kids.

Aimless

I wouldn't ban the party as a punishment, but I do see where you're coming from. Some people may think it severe, but my teenager has been bought up not to take anything from the kitchen without asking, not even a biscuit. On a tight budget, the last thing I need is to find first thing that all the lunch stuff is gone, and have to find cash for a school dinner! It has always been the rule, and has never caused a problem. In the same way, you made a rule, and she should keep it.

Maybe sit down with her later, calmly remind her of the rule, and ask her how she thinks you can make her remember. Tell her you really don't want to give more severe punishments, but she has to try to think before she touches your things?

Lirin

My DSD loves my Chanel No 5. It's expensive, and she's understood from young that I'd like her not to touch it- she'd use the entire bottle! She had been told not to touch my makeup as well, for the same reason, it was expensive (at least compared to her play stuff).
She would occasionally get carried away and forget, and use a bit- usually evident by the previously just opened lipstick now being smeared all over her face, and a very tiny bit left.....
Solved it by leaving cheap makeup of hers on top of mine- she only used the stuff at the top.

Was very hard though not to laugh when she presented herself covered in makeup, and thinking she was beautiful, when in reality, she looked like she'd been through an explosion in Boots.

Incidentally, she's after my Chanel again- the bottle is similar to Jasmine's from Aladdin, and she wants the empty bottle for her outfit. I know I've been bought a bottle from her (largely subsidised by DH) for Christmas, and watching the look on her face when she comes in- she keeps trying to peek to see how much I have left, and she's really struggling not to tell me she's bought me some! I might save the little bit that's left and let her have it.

Kaz, I understand why you're annoyed, but there's going to be a lot more major things. I'm due in December, and I'm dreading the thought my child will be anything like my sisters and I were! When we hit late teens, we were told explicitely not to touch my parents alcohol cabinet. There was um, the occasional bottle snagged, and replaced with coloured water instead of the alcohol..... To this day, we're still sneaking the odd bottle out, but this time, it's to replace the alcohol! (My parents aren't really drinkers- it's mainly for guests).

When we learnt to drive- wide innocent looks, and 'No Daddy, I came back to the car and there was a huge dent in it.....'

Children will lie a little- yes it's wrong, and make her understand that, certainly. It's also usually a way of them developing their own private space and identity. She may be a lovely child in every other respect, but sitting and chatting with her may have more effect than banning a party. Hopefully you get it sorted out, and it'll be a nice bribery story for years to come......

the_cat

You have reached that magic age where the old punishments a-la supernanny are no longer appropriate and need a new plan of attack! Obviously the naughty step is designed for younger children and shouting isn't working (even if it makes you feel better initially:D)

I too never banned my kids from going to an activity/party etc as a punishment, unless their wrong doing was directly related to it (eg. coming home later than agreed once teenagers would result in the 'no, you can't go out as I can't trust you to come back when you say you will' speech)

Mine were boys, so into gaming. Their punishment was always a set number of days without access to the x-box etc. The trick is to find something that she really likes and will find a hardship to go without, so that she comes to the conclusion that the punishment is not worth the crime. Identify what it is and you will crack the behaviour

newcook

Im glad that you have calmed down a little – your first post was a little bit of an over-reaction!!

I cant remember if this has already been asked but have you had a spray of her body spray in case it does indeed smell similar?!

poodledoodledoo

I can totally relate to this thread.
My 16 year old son is always 'borrowing' my stuff.
I've now just hidden it all so he CAN'T use it because it's extremely annoying when I go to use my expensive hair serum to find it all gone or I have to rummage around for hours in his bedroom to find my hair brush.
Stash all your stuff in your knicker draw...NO kid wants to go in there :rotfl:

Kaz2904

Thanks newcook (and everyone else who has replied this morning). I have indeed sprayed her spray. Well, DH did. He got her to bring down the spray she is trying to convince everyone she is wearing. The one she brought down is FCUK pure (the green one) which is a more citrus scent. It smells nothing like the perfume.
When we went up to bed last night, the room still smells really strongly of perfume (as does the whole of the upstairs of the house). She came downstairs this morning still reeking of it. I asked her about it again (really proud of myself that I haven't shouted at her once about this whole topic actually ) and she is still denying all knowledge.
I have explained to her again that it's not really about the perfume. I have said I would like her to ask before she touches my stuff. I've pointed out how expensive the perfume is and said that sometimes we just want something that is "just ours". That doesn't mean she'll never be allowed to wear it but that it would be when I offer it to her and 1 squirt. I have pointed out that she has plenty of her own sprays which she is free to spray around as much as she likes. She said that I have borrowed her spray and I pointed out to her that I may have used it about twice but only with her permission and I have always asked first if I want to borrow any of her stuff.
She is still lying and I have told her that when I pick her up from school today I want her to provide me with a reasonable explanation as to how both she and the upstairs of the house smell like the perfume has exploded all over them. I have said that she must not lie about it. I have also told her that if she continues to lie then she won't be going to the party. I know the Mum of her friend and we have both worked together before. This friends Mum collared me at work one night to ask about some lies her daughter had told her which I asked DD about and we were able to clear up so I know she won't think too badly of me if I stop DD from going due to lying.
DH has had a word with her too about it and he is not happy that she's lying.

I suppose that what I'm struggling with the most is the fact that she is now lying to me without even looking like she's lying. What happened to my little girl who couldn't lie without putting her hand over her mouth? She's not a bad girl and I don't want her to grow up into a liar. I don't want to have all the issues which can happen as a teen. Surely what we teach them now at this age is really important to their development into adults?
I remember having a conversation with a friend about what would happen when your parents got to 3. Neither of us knew because it never happened.
I can't have been too bad as a teenager I don't think. I remember my Aunty, Uncle and cousin going away on holiday when I was 18. I couldn't go with them because I was working. My Aunty was really concerned that I'd have a party and trash the house like a friend of mine did until I pointed out to her that her house was full of nick nacks that I really didn't have the time or inclination to try and hide and stop being damaged especially as I was working full time. (The worst thing that happened was me having my friends boyfriend (and her obv)over the night after they went away to get rid of all of the massive spiders which had appeared in the bathroom overnight the first night on my own :eek: and I think that they both left by 10pm

Mad-Frog

I understand where you are coming from OP but as a child isn't it the first line of defence to deny even though you know you are wrong, I know I did and you all probably did too!

My Mum's perfume used to be on her desk, some really rank cheap stuff I forget but probably in the pound shops now :rotfl: but I used to spray because i wanted to be a grown up aged 9 I have now thankfully acquired better taste

We used to wait until our parents went out for the evening and went hunting for Christmas presents, they kept them in the same place year after year and lo and behold we used to find them :cool: OP 9n year old girls aren't daft, just wait until she is 12 - 13 when she starts stealing your clothes, make up, jewellery etc :eek: daily in my sisters house!