DD wore my perfume!

Kaz2904

Purbeck wrote: »

Explain how expensive that perfume is, and tell her that 'less is more' when it comes to wearing it, say that if she asks you she can wear a little on special occasions.And make sure if you borrow anything of hers, even a pencil to scribble a note, that you ask her also.

Snipped and bolded,
Lost count of the times I've said that to her about make up and perfume :rotfl: It's like a brothel in her room at times, I'm choking on the way to the window

It really isn't about the perfume though.

Stephb1986_2

I remember when I was a child I was about 5 maybe 6 at the most and for some reason I used my dads razor to shave my forearm needless to say I cut myself to ribbons my mum was angry at me for a while but soon sorted me out with the amount of blood there was!!

I knew then never to touch the razor again.

I remember if ever I was naughty I was sent to my room and I would have my TV etc removed from my room for the rest of the day. Or if I was really bad I was smacked it never did me any harm sometimes the smacking went a bit too far but I always knew how to behave after that.

I think once you've had a talk with your daughter in the morning you should give her a cuddle kids get so confused at that age when they've been told off.

jamespir

Kaz2904 wrote: »

Snipped and bolded,
Lost count of the times I've said that to her about make up and perfume :rotfl: It's like a brothel in her room at times, I'm choking on the way to the window

It really isn't about the perfume though.

its about borrowing your things without askin just tell her not too and leave it at that
no need to ban her from a party or owt

gingin_2

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Just think.... in 20 years time the OPs DD could be on here posting....:p

I have visions of a grey haired Martin in the top left hand corner of my screen ( even though I reckon he touches up with a spot of Grecian 2000)

Your second post makes things clearer, OP, but I think sending children to bed as a punishment is sad. I think the air should be cleared before she snuggles down for the night. I'd have a chat with her tomorrow and explain what happened to you as a child and why it caused you to react the way you did.

notjustanyone

Kaz2904 wrote: »

Wow, fast response!
Thanks for all of the responses.
Just to clarify (and hopefully show I'm not a complete monster ), DD has loads of different "perfumes" because I understand that she wants to play. That's fine. I have 1 perfume because that is what I like and it was bought for me as a gift. She has umpteen different make up items because they all like to play with make up and have girly times. She and I do have girly times together and I will do her make up for her and sometimes let her have a squirt of my perfume. She knows that it is a real treat to be given some of my perfume to wear and it's part of the lovely girly time.
Didn't mean it to sound awful about using the mirror when we were kids- they had a great big mirrored wardrobe in their room so it was like a real treat (like being a film star IYSWIM?). The same as using my dressing table is a real treat for DD. She gets to feel all grown up and likes to do her own hair.

My issue is not that she used my perfume so much as the fact that she lied about it. Lots of times.

Had she been honest when I asked her, I would have reminded her that she's not to touch my belongings without permission.
The reason I mentioned it was MY hairdryer was that she used mine rather than her own (I don't care which she uses, I often use hers as it's lighter and she'll use mine because she has thicker longer hair, no issue there).
Pigpen, I take on board about the hair in the hairdryer. Got mine sucked in once but didn't catch fire :eek:
It's about boundaries really isn't it? I've lost count of the things of mine which have been broken (a locket I was given on my wedding day for one) by small children trying it on on their way back from the toilet. Nice clothes ruined by them heaving them out of the laundry basket for some reason and then walking mud on them.

When she gets up in the morning I will talk to her again and point out to her again that she must not touch my things. I don't want to have to ban her from my bedroom. She needs to respect what she's told. Christmas is coming and we already have her present (a nice digital camera) and I don't want her rummaging through cupboards and drawers and finding her main present because it will spoil her surprise.

I would have thought that most parents have a ban on certain items of theirs which they won't let their offspring use. Mine happens to be my perfume. Clearly I'm odd though.
Thanks for the advice guys.

She may prefer some Vera Wang :rotfl:

Kaz2904

blue_haddock wrote: »

Or even worse she stumbles upon your rampant rabbit! :rotfl:

See, I honestly didn't know that real people actually had these at home until a work friend was on about wearing her batteries out :eek:
I must have a really sheltered life
I'm more concerned about her finding the 64 chocolate oranges in my wardrobe!
She found one of her teeth recently after going into the cupboard above DH's side of the bed. Along with the note written to the tooth fairy. You don't learn anything nice from rummaging through other peoples stuff.

We also had a ban on entering each others bedrooms because there were 3 of us and we would fight something awful. It was the only way that my Aunty could stop open warfare.
We were allowed to invite others into our rooms. I hated my sisters because it was really messy. Mine had to be kept tidy cause the photocopier was in there. Many's the night when I would wake up to church stuff being photocopied. Sometimes by the people who needed it done :eek: Thank god I was a heavy sleeper :rotfl:

Kaz2904

notjustanyone wrote: »

She may prefer some Vera Wang :rotfl:

Tough, it's MINEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

notjustanyone

Had enough of my input on here now, so gonna step away from the thread

Hope you and your daughter sort this Kaz in a good way, goodnight and God bless x

puddy

poor old OP, she comes on a friendly website and gets portrayed as the devil incarnate, in fact worse than that, shes a bad parent

when in fact, all she wanted to do was to find a way to get through to her daughter that we have private personal things of ours even though we are family members (or friends) and that its correct to respect things of other peoples

she sounds like (and im surprised only a couple of people have picked up on this) she is coming to the end of her tether about getting her daughter to listen to this and stick to the rules, this is the frustration

its also about mum trying to maintain some degree of identity as 'herself' and not as 'mum' and perfume is quite symbolic of that for women, i can understand that

she already does lots of things with her daughter which demonstrate involvement and recognition that her daughter is growing up and likes to experiment with adult things, so she thought she could trust her to obey the rules about using mum's things

so she over reacted a bit, but asked for advice, dont you all think thats the important part?

yes OP i think sending her to bed and chatting tomorrow is best, i also think you need to put things away if she keeps rummaging and unfortunately if she keeps on doing it, no access to the room

i also grew up with the concept of privacy, our rooms were OUR rooms and we would invite people into them if we wanted, i didnt go in my sisters room and take stuff and vice versa. as an older child i would ask if there was something i wanted out of my mums room, as a younger child i had free reign but a slight mishap occured when i took my mums wedding ring off the dressing table and threw it down the vent to see what would happen. i dont remember getting told off though

also i think the point made earlier about why at nearly 10 does she seem incapable of obeying the request to ask before using things, so OP has the right to query how to enforce this

eta - not sure why the suggestion earlier to ask on mumsnet - they're parenting facists over there

Kaz2904

Oh, would also like to say,
I've never kept her from going to anything when she's been naughty. I've always done the sit down and talk about how unacceptable the behaviour is and shouted if it's really bad. Well, you know what I mean, you shout and then calm down and do the super nanny thing. I don't even know why I shout, it has no effect.

I was just asking if that was something that you would do as it seems that nothing else has any effect.
No point grounding her because the weather's bad so she doesn't want to go out and play and her clubs are finished until after half term. I always wonder about stuff like this because if we got grounded we weren't allowed out. I hear about friends grounding their kids but haven't asked what they do.